Thirty Eight
Not autistic anymore ^_^
I used to be very obsessed with Japanese culture when I was 8 years old up until 15 and 16 years old. Now I'm 17 years old and I'm getting back into it.
I used to dance and pretend to be Japanese and wish I were Japanese. I loved Japanese snacks that I used to buy off of Amazon. I wished I could have been more "Japanese" in America by buying lots and lots of Japanese stuff and cooking Japanese meals. I used to listen to Japanese music everyday and watch nothing but Japanese YouTube videos and read Japanese articles (as best as I could, with or without understanding). I used to try and study Japanese and I knew lots of lyrics to my favorite songs. I used to do karaoke in my head and not out loud because I didn't like my voice and I couldn't sing, so I would pretend to be the singer and fantasize about singing in front of my imaginary friends. I tried finding names to name myself that would suit me so I could be more "Japanese" in my identity. I would try to speak only Japanese and got scared that I would forget English (even though my Japanese was extremely limited and I couldn't have forgotten that quickly of course). I absolutely loved Japan and Japanese language and Japanese culture.
As I started getting older, my interests started changing and I slowly got of my "Japanese" world. I stopped studying and stopped trying to study Japanese because I didn't know how to study it anyway, and I never got anywhere in my studies, so I gave up. I started to force myself to not listen to my favorite Japanese songs but instead listen to American songs that my sisters and I used to love. I made myself not do a lot of things I used to and slowly drifted from Japanese stuff. I found out about Gorillaz, who I am obsessed with, so that is a good thing that came out of it.
Now, looking back in my childhood, I miss it more than I thought I would. So I'm going to relive it and start back studying and listening and writing and reading and speaking Japanese, relearn about Japan and the culture, and watch YouTube and dance and be happy again.
I used to dance and pretend to be Japanese and wish I were Japanese. I loved Japanese snacks that I used to buy off of Amazon. I wished I could have been more "Japanese" in America by buying lots and lots of Japanese stuff and cooking Japanese meals. I used to listen to Japanese music everyday and watch nothing but Japanese YouTube videos and read Japanese articles (as best as I could, with or without understanding). I used to try and study Japanese and I knew lots of lyrics to my favorite songs. I used to do karaoke in my head and not out loud because I didn't like my voice and I couldn't sing, so I would pretend to be the singer and fantasize about singing in front of my imaginary friends. I tried finding names to name myself that would suit me so I could be more "Japanese" in my identity. I would try to speak only Japanese and got scared that I would forget English (even though my Japanese was extremely limited and I couldn't have forgotten that quickly of course). I absolutely loved Japan and Japanese language and Japanese culture.
As I started getting older, my interests started changing and I slowly got of my "Japanese" world. I stopped studying and stopped trying to study Japanese because I didn't know how to study it anyway, and I never got anywhere in my studies, so I gave up. I started to force myself to not listen to my favorite Japanese songs but instead listen to American songs that my sisters and I used to love. I made myself not do a lot of things I used to and slowly drifted from Japanese stuff. I found out about Gorillaz, who I am obsessed with, so that is a good thing that came out of it.
Now, looking back in my childhood, I miss it more than I thought I would. So I'm going to relive it and start back studying and listening and writing and reading and speaking Japanese, relearn about Japan and the culture, and watch YouTube and dance and be happy again.