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I've started to care about people, and I do not like it

Libecht

Well-Known Member
I used to be pretty self-centered. I wasn't selfish, just didn't really feel connected to my family or friends. But for the past 2 or 3 years I started to put others' feelings into consideration. For example, I visit my grandparents more often knowing they enjoy my company, although I'd rather play games at home instead. I also gave up an abroad working holiday opportunity so that I could spend more time with my family and friends. No one forced me to make these decisions, but it's like my care for others made me act against my best interest. In other words, I feel hijacked by my emotion and it bothers the original part of me.
Maybe such dilemma is essentially human nature, but this is pretty new to me and I do not know how to cope with it.
 
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Aye, I get the same way.

I'd rather just stay here doing my games or hop into VR or maybe go out and just drive randomly. But there's times when it's like, I really should visit so-and-so. I dont want them to feel neglected.

Even though I'm usually bored out of my mind when I go do that.

And now, more of that. My younger brother just became a father like 2 weeks ago. I have a nephew now... unbelievable. I must go see this kid (though I reeeeeallly dont want to hold him, or babies in general). It seems like I shouldnt have any desire to do that... it's not like he's my kid. Yet this has still been on my mind. I havent been able to do it due to stupid crap getting in the way and preventing me from making the drive.

Whole thing bugs me. I've seriously never been able to understand stuff like this... even when I myself am experiencing it. I rather suspect this is the case for many on the spectrum.
 
I used to be pretty self-centered. I wasn't selfish, just didn't really feel connected to my family or friends. But for the past 2 or 3 years I started to put others' feelings into consideration. For example, I visit my grandparents more often knowing they enjoy my company, although I'd rather play games at home instead. I also gave up a abroad working holiday opportunity so that I could spend more time with my family and friends. No one forced me to make these decisions, but it's like my care for others made me act against my best interest. In other words, I feel hijacked by my emotion and it bothers the original part of me.
Maybe such dilemma is essentially human nature, but this is pretty new to me and I do not know how to cope with it.

Maturity comes with being able to see outside of ourself. So l see it has a positive thing. You are stepping outside of your comfortable bubble to acknowledge others. Maybe embrace that new side of you.

l have had to go the opposite way, look more in and less out. Maybe thats what one of the autistic issues is, looking inward or looking outward and having no compass to know this.

@Libecht Having a social connection doesn't go against your best interest unless the connection breaks boundaries or doesn't respect you.

As we mature, we allow new feelings in. These feel uncomfortable at first, but soon they become less threatening. If you live in close down feelings basically shut off, feelings are raw for awhile. Soon the rawness wears off when you no longer feel threatened by them. We shut ourselves off as a survival coping skill. This is the only way we can cope with childhood trauma.

This when splintered personalities come into play. We have shut down so much, that we allowed censured personas of us out. Don't be afraid of feelings. :)
 
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Its not a bad thing. I used to have a lot of relatives i saw once or twice a year. Most of them are no longer with us. And those left we aren't close to anymore. Take the opportunity. It might not be there for long.
 
Sounds like you are growing up, Libecht. Well, that's not such a bad thing. Do you want to be a child forever, like Peter Pan? Really?
 
If you want a cold pragmatic way of looking at it, consider this: if other people feel like you care about them, they'll care about you. If they see you go out of your way to please them, they'll remember that the next time they see an opportunity to please you. And trust me, there will be times in your life when you'll be better off with someone watching your back.

Humans are pack animals. We're stronger together. Isolation is weakness.
 
I used to be pretty self-centered. I wasn't selfish, just didn't really feel connected to my family or friends. But for the past 2 or 3 years I started to put others' feelings into consideration. For example, I visit my grandparents more often knowing they enjoy my company, although I'd rather play games at home instead.
Empathy. We get so much stick for apparently not having it - embrace it :)
 
It is a bind, but in truth, I rather be one who cares about others.

My problem area is and my husband hates it, is that I cannot send greetings to ones I only see once in a while or never see, but know them by name. I hate the emptiness of it all and so, rather risk the disapproving murmurs from hubs.
 

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