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I've been invited to a birthday party...

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by As sweet as-pie, Jun 10, 2018.

  1. As sweet as-pie

    As sweet as-pie Well-Known Member

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    Hi everyone.

    I've never really had many friends. I'm pretty great at small talk but awful at actually getting past the acquaintance part and becoming friends with someone in real life. All my friends I've met online. I know people in real life but it never gets past the first stage and so I'm just kinda stuck in that position where I exchange niceties with people but never hang out or anything.

    I go to a drama group and the other day I got added to a group chat by one of the girls who used to go. I haven't seen her in 6 months. I think she's really cool and I wanted to become her friend but I had no idea how to. The first thought I had was "this must be an accident" so I asked her and she said that she meant to invite me. I'm really confused. All of the other people know each other apart from one girl who seems to be her best friend and so it'll just be me alone, who hardly knows her really. I'm confused as to why she invited me but I feel like I can't ask her because that'll look weird. I don't know what to do. We're going bowling, if that matters. She's also autistic too and very out and proud about the fact.

    TL;DR: Should you go to an acquaintances birthday party when you only know the host? I feel like everyone else has a "right" to be there and I don't.
     
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  2. Butterfly88

    Butterfly88 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    If you were invited you have a right to be there. You say she's autistic. Are any of the other guests on the spectrum that you know of? If you know they are perhaps that would make you feel more comfortable attending. Bowling is an organized activity so it's not the same as just having dinner and just sitting down to socialize the whole time so it may be easier. You could say things such as "nice spare" or other bowling related things to try to start a conversation.
     
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  3. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It's the host's birthday and their party. Being formally invited by someone you already know is what counts. Besides, there's never any guarantee that everyone attending knows everyone else anyways.

    And your host also being on the spectrum is a plus, IMO. Enjoy. :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2018
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  4. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes she's being friendly and she probably knows you are more shy or hesitant than she is and likes you and wants to include you. I'd say definitely give it a try if you like the idea, and join in. If she's out and proud Autistic she's likely wanting to support you and knows we are on a spectrum where everyone has different strengths and limitations. I'm always quiet and an observer at social gatherings but people often appreciate that. Or if you yourself actually don't want to go, why not explain why it's hard for you and suggest a one to one activity you'd prefer?
     
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  5. Iamnotarabot

    Iamnotarabot Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Have fun if she invited you directly you have nothing to worry about. Plus if it is for her birthday that should means more than another random day.

    Plus bowling is fine ! I mean, I am terrible at it, but at least I have something to do , therefore I dont fear that I would run out if things to say.
     
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  6. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    With other Aspies protocols aren't very important. Just go and try to enjoy yourself one way or another. Bowling is a fun thing to do once in a while.
     
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  7. Mattymatt

    Mattymatt Imperfectly Perfect

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    Let me ask you: Do you want to go? If the answer is leaning towards "yes," then there is nothing preventing you from leaving early if it turns out to be too much. You could feign a myriad of different reasons for needing to leave. If you have a good time, then you can stay. If you really don't want to go, then you should not feel an obligation. Work within your comfort level.
     
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  8. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Lost Soul V.I.P Member

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    Maybe it's as simple as she thinks you seem like an awesome person, likes spending time with you, and thinks her birthday celebration will be better with you as part of it.

    It's possible she would like to develop a friendship with you as much as you would like to develop a friendship with her, and inviting you to her birthday party is a step towards such a friendship.

    It's very common for at least some of the invitees at parties to be unfamiliar with each other, you are fine if you are invited by the host.
     
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  9. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Go if you want to. You've been invited by the host, so you have a right to be there. Perhaps the host can help you out by introducing you to some of the other people.
     
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  10. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    "Nice spare". Sounds the same as 'nice pair'

    If you're a man - best not to say.

    Reminiscent of English carry on films or Benny Hill.
     
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