ghostie
Active Member
My autism and (other things) are disabilities to me. I have had a horrible life. I try to be positive but honestly I spent my life in this order of feeling from when I was a kid until now:
1- hiding who I was
2- trying to change who i was
3- trying to end it because I couldn't handle being who I was
4- and then I found out I was autistic. and my therapist told me it wasn't about changing who i was but just learning to live as i am and I was so happy about that. that was like the best thing I ever heard cause it's what I wanted and felt all along inside.
but it's not true, at all.
I'm still always the one who is expected to change, I'm the one who is constantly failing to live up to people's expectations. They tell me to do something, I tell them over and over and over that I can't... I don't even know what other words to use than I CAN'T (which to me seems pretty clear? what word can describe CANT better than CANT?)
But then I fail to meet everyones expectations again, because I can't, but then they still tell me it's who I am while simultaneously expecting me to be different?
I don't know what to do and things aren't good and.
1- hiding who I was
2- trying to change who i was
3- trying to end it because I couldn't handle being who I was
4- and then I found out I was autistic. and my therapist told me it wasn't about changing who i was but just learning to live as i am and I was so happy about that. that was like the best thing I ever heard cause it's what I wanted and felt all along inside.
but it's not true, at all.
I'm still always the one who is expected to change, I'm the one who is constantly failing to live up to people's expectations. They tell me to do something, I tell them over and over and over that I can't... I don't even know what other words to use than I CAN'T (which to me seems pretty clear? what word can describe CANT better than CANT?)
But then I fail to meet everyones expectations again, because I can't, but then they still tell me it's who I am while simultaneously expecting me to be different?
I don't know what to do and things aren't good and.