It's really hard to reconsider the life

[Tulipa]

Hi everyone
I wanna tell you my story and it's hard to me, because I can't describe my feelings even to my psychologist. English is my second language, sorry for the mistakes c:

I was always a soldier. I felt like one, because I have been fighting with my weaknesses. I thought everyone has hard life, everyone is strong and tries to improve themselves. I thought I should be stronger and control my life. People always said I was strange, but I didn't really care. I have only my best friend and I am satisfied with it, because I tried to build relationships twice and it was very painful. People just can't love, like Aspie can.

I felt in love, but the person was very egoistic and left a huge dark whole in me. I tried to fight, but I lost control.

You know, guys, I've learned psychology since fourteen, but I've never paid attention on autism. I consider now it's a destiny, that I understood much now. I don't know have I Asperger's or not. I tried to ask 7 psychiatrists, but all of them refused to diagnosed me.

But I understand now every moment of my life. It's hard to admit that you need to reconsider your life, because you trained yourself so hard and the reason of your failures was not you. And you always blamed yourself.

I cried a lot first time. I am empty and don't have any inspiration to live this life. I became more strange, I can't control my words and behavior, I don't understand why. I could in the past! I just want to scream and die.

But maybe it's a chance to start from the beginning. I really understand myself and can avoid unhealthy situations. I know my features. Am I to strong to rebuild my personality?

I want to talk to you guys. I really wanna know everyone of you. That's a lot for reading this very inconsistent story c:

 

[Nitro]

 

[tree]

 

[convallaria]

I'm so happy that you registered in this site, too. We will fight together to the end don't worry.

 

[Streetwise]

 

[Warmheart]

A glad welcome to you here.

 

[Fitzo]

Hello and Welcome Tulipa. I can relate to many of the things you have been through and how you felt. Coming here is a great start to understanding and accepting yourself. I have also just read 'Pretending to be Normal' by Liane Holliday Willey. It is a good book for female Aspies to read.

 

[WittyAspie]

Welcome! I’m glad you found us.

 

[Sabrina]

I was always a soldier.
:

Hi Tulipa, you remind me of myself. Stay around.
You don’t have to fight this war alone .

 

[Gary DuBois]

Hi everyone
I wanna tell you my story and it's hard to me, because I can't describe my feelings even to my psychologist. English is my second language, sorry for the mistakes c:

I was always a soldier. I felt like one, because I have been fighting with my weaknesses. I thought everyone has hard life, everyone is strong and tries to improve themselves. I thought I should be stronger and control my life. People always said I was strange, but I didn't really care. I have only my best friend and I am satisfied with it, because I tried to build relationships twice and it was very painful. People just can't love, like Aspie can.

I felt in love, but the person was very egoistic and left a huge dark whole in me. I tried to fight, but I lost control.

You know, guys, I've learned psychology since fourteen, but I've never paid attention on autism. I consider now it's a destiny, that I understood much now. I don't know have I Asperger's or not. I tried to ask 7 psychiatrists, but all of them refused to diagnosed me.

But I understand now every moment of my life. It's hard to admit that you need to reconsider your life, because you trained yourself so hard and the reason of your failures was not you. And you always blamed yourself.

I cried a lot first time. I am empty and don't have any inspiration to live this life. I became more strange, I can't control my words and behavior, I don't understand why. I could in the past! I just want to scream and die.

But maybe it's a chance to start from the beginning. I really understand myself and can avoid unhealthy situations. I know my features. Am I to strong to rebuild my personality?

I want to talk to you guys. I really wanna know everyone of you. That's a lot for reading this very inconsistent story c:

Im here for you tulipa

 

[Gary DuBois]

I'm so happy that you registered in this site, too. We will fight together to the end don't worry.

Im here for you convallaria

 

[Ambi]

Hi everyone
I wanna tell you my story and it's hard to me, because I can't describe my feelings even to my psychologist. English is my second language, sorry for the mistakes c:

I was always a soldier. I felt like one, because I have been fighting with my weaknesses. I thought everyone has hard life, everyone is strong and tries to improve themselves. I thought I should be stronger and control my life. People always said I was strange, but I didn't really care. I have only my best friend and I am satisfied with it, because I tried to build relationships twice and it was very painful. People just can't love, like Aspie can.

I felt in love, but the person was very egoistic and left a huge dark whole in me. I tried to fight, but I lost control.

You know, guys, I've learned psychology since fourteen, but I've never paid attention on autism. I consider now it's a destiny, that I understood much now. I don't know have I Asperger's or not. I tried to ask 7 psychiatrists, but all of them refused to diagnosed me.

But I understand now every moment of my life. It's hard to admit that you need to reconsider your life, because you trained yourself so hard and the reason of your failures was not you. And you always blamed yourself.

I cried a lot first time. I am empty and don't have any inspiration to live this life. I became more strange, I can't control my words and behavior, I don't understand why. I could in the past! I just want to scream and die.

But maybe it's a chance to start from the beginning. I really understand myself and can avoid unhealthy situations. I know my features. Am I to strong to rebuild my personality?

I want to talk to you guys. I really wanna know everyone of you. That's a lot for reading this very inconsistent story c:

I found the best way to decide if I had ASD was to simply read what other adult women with ASD said about their own lives and experiences. I identified with them more than I had ever identified with anyone else! Then suddenly I realized I wasn't alone.

 

[Pariah Dog]

Welcome aboard. I'm not entirely sure what you mean about rebuilding your life and such but anyone can improve themselves if they want to badly enough.

 

[onlything]

Hi there, welcome to the Community. Don't hesitate to create threads and ask about anything, you're in the right place.

 

[SusanLR]

I was in my 50's when I was diagnosed.
When I started studying about Asperger's, I couldn't believe it was like reading about myself in many ways.
I felt a bit down at first too. But, knowing why I have the traits I've struggled with all my life was also a relief.
Wish I had known sooner.
I also have anxiety disorder and panic attacks.

I found this group by accident while just web surfing.
It is a very good place.
Hope you find it helpful also.

 

[Gracey]

Hello Tulipa,

 

[Tulipa]

I have also just read 'Pretending to be Normal' by Liane Holliday Willey. It is a good book for female Aspies to read.

Thanks you a lot for understanding and for the book!

Hi Tulipa, you remind me of myself. Stay around.
You don’t have to fight this war alone .

Thank you a lot! I am so happy I found all of you.

I found the best way to decide if I had ASD was to simply read what other adult women with ASD said about their own lives and experiences. I identified with them more than I had ever identified with anyone else! Then suddenly I realized I wasn't alone.

You are right, I have read aspie girls and realised, that I can't deny my autism anymore

Welcome aboard. I'm not entirely sure what you mean about rebuilding your life and such but anyone can improve themselves if they want to badly enough.

I mean I should stay strong, because I can't leave my university. I should become more normal (it's a bad word but I don't know how to explain it)

 

[xudo]

Welcome

 

[Keigan]

Welcome, keep reading on the forums it is a great resource.

 

[aarparca]

Hi, Tulipa. I've almost wanted to give up completely two years ago, but I decided to take life one day at a time since 2016. Things are going a bit better self-esteem-wise and I've found a hobby I really want to invest in that keeps me going. Unfortunately other things like finances and convincing my friends that the spectrum is something I constantly struggle against isn't going so well. Just the fact you're crying and looking for help makes you strong. Keep up the good fight!