Issue with cats

[newbiesomuch]

So, my beloved has issues with my cats. They are fighting a lot, running around the house, and they're very distracting for him, and he often feels overwhelmed by them. Thing is, I have a very small house - only two rooms, one long corridor, and they're banned from one of those rooms. My cats are very important to me, I see them as "my children", I'm very attached to them emotionally, they saved my life at some point with their presence. Which is why I can't even imagine banning them from the room. But at the same time my guy gets very jittery with them around.

Any ideas how to get out of this mess?

 

[Major Tom]

My motto is pets first (provided they aren't hurting anyone).

 

[Giraffes]

So, my beloved has issues with my cats. They are fighting a lot, running around the house, and they're very distracting for him, and he often feels overwhelmed by them. Thing is, I have a very small house - only two rooms, one long corridor, and they're banned from one of those rooms. My cats are very important to me, I see them as "my children", I'm very attached to them emotionally, they saved my life at some point with their presence. Which is why I can't even imagine banning them from the room. But at the same time my guy gets very jittery with them around.

Any ideas how to get out of this mess?

Hi tricky problem there, allow me to share myself and my partner are both Aspies me extrovert him introvert, he has had a large long haired tom cat from a kitten that he truly loves and who's very very important to him.
This man and cat moved into my life (and home) two years ago, the cat like his owner isn't very social, hisses and attempts to scratch myself and any visitors and places hairs on all surfaces in our home,(NB my partner doesn't hiss and starch visitors Lol just doen't often interact) plus wants to lay all over my partner of a evening and at times when i get up at night sleeps on my pillow.
I'm at home more so... feed the cat, groom him, clear the litter tray.............
When i talk to my partner about these problems he tells me not to be silly, including my 'jealousy' that his cat gets shown more attention, affection than i do..............
I have tried to be super kind/lovely to the cat and this has made things a little better, my partner at times puts the cat on one side on the sofa so i'm the one getting a cuddle but he is not consistent, never grooms him and it feels like i have a animal version of a ungrateful stepchild that it's tricky to have a connection with.
Sounds like your cats really matter to you and your Guy does to, guess it's about how much compromise there can be between you alongside the fairness to your emotional attachments to your pets.
Good Luck with finding a solution.

 

[Sarah S]

So, my beloved has issues with my cats. They are fighting a lot, running around the house, and they're very distracting for him, and he often feels overwhelmed by them. Thing is, I have a very small house - only two rooms, one long corridor, and they're banned from one of those rooms. My cats are very important to me, I see them as "my children", I'm very attached to them emotionally, they saved my life at some point with their presence. Which is why I can't even imagine banning them from the room. But at the same time my guy gets very jittery with them around.

Any ideas how to get out of this mess?

First WELL spoken Major Tom (standing upp and aplloud )

Second if youre cats are fighting

Question

How old are they ?

What gender are they ? (if its too males then you could try to get them fixed ) in general if they fight its because of territorial reasons OR play and then it shouldent be all the time.

It could also be that they are under stimulated if they are inddor cats so then you need to set up some play time and get them activated

And last DONT get rid of the cats or any pets because of anyonyone (it would be a cold day in H.... If i would have done that when i still was able to have pets (had to stop due to financual and other reasons sadly BUT i found a GOOD substitute tho were i get 100 times more out of my animal fix so im good (Zoos and tropical houses (Indoor zoos for every tropical animal possible to have inside year round) )

 

[newbiesomuch]

Thank you, all! OF COURSE I won't get rid of my cats, there is no way I'm going to do that.

They're siblings, same litter male and female, 2yo. The guy is attacking the girl often, I think he just wants to play, but she doesn't so she hissess and growls and that's how fights go.

My beloved is often annoyed by the fights, because they're loud. But when they play with e.g. balls it's also loud, so it keeps getting on his nerves. Also, they're allowed to walk over table, sleep in our bed. They leave fur everywhere.

When I asked him, he says that when we're intimate cats being around just doesn't allow him to get into the mood. And that he loves them, likes them, but there are times he hates them, and would love to kick them out into the corridor, because they get on his nerves. I think it's when it's too much of this.

 

[Sarah S]

Thank you, all! OF COURSE I won't get rid of my cats, there is no way I'm going to do that.

They're siblings, same litter male and female, 2yo. The guy is attacking the girl often, I think he just wants to play, but she doesn't so she hissess and growls and that's how fights go.

My beloved is often annoyed by the fights, because they're loud. But when they play with e.g. balls it's also loud, so it keeps getting on his nerves. Also, they're allowed to walk over table, sleep in our bed. They leave fur everywhere.

When I asked him, he says that when we're intimate cats being around just doesn't allow him to get into the mood. And that he loves them, likes them, but there are times he hates them, and would love to kick them out into the corridor, because they get on his nerves. I think it's when it's too much of this.

(Big sigh of relief )

A okey so then it is not fighting its arguing and also they are both young (still if you whant to and you really should he will be much calmer if you fix him + you dont risk in breathing which WILL happen if you dont fix him.

Well the noice he can get Ear pluggs. The fur all over well its part of having pets so he really needs to try to adapt to that same with the geting on the furniture etc...

I understand that he might feel it gets to much BUT if he hurts the cats in ANY WAY SHAPE or form you need to say By by . Simple as that HE needs to find a way to adapt to the cats being part of the package with you with or without diagnosis.

Oh and with the intimate part shut the door when youre ....... and thats problem soulved .Same with night time (i did NO problems they accepted it)

 

[newbiesomuch]

Thank you! I was just thinking if there is anything I can do to help, but if some parts of this is what he needs to get used to, then it's a relief. I think I'll try talking to him about getting cats out during sex, and finding earplugs that could work. Not going to kick them out at night, though. I love sleeping with my kitties.

And both cats are sterilized, so it's ok. I may look for some calming pheromones... And he doesn't hurt them, he's very affectionate towards them when he's in good mood. In worse mood he just doesn't want to interact with them, and he shoos them away or walks out of house.

 

[Sarah S]

Thank you! I was just thinking if there is anything I can do to help, but if some parts of this is what he needs to get used to, then it's a relief. I think I'll try talking to him about getting cats out during sex, and finding earplugs that could work.

Not going to kick them out at night, though. I love sleeping with my kitties.

And both cats are sterilized, so it's ok.

I may look for some calming pheromones...

And he doesn't hurt them, he's very affectionate towards them when he's in good mood. In worse mood he just doesn't want to interact with them, and he shoos them away or walks out of house.

Glad if i can be at help

(Giggles) Well we are all different i never alowed any of my cats in bed when sleeping

EXELENT ! then i would say its there youth and they (especually he ) needs more activating

A well then i much calmer on that part . as you said he needs time to adapt to this and im shore he will be able to with time and patience

Oh BTW there are silent toys for the cats as well ya know the cats go more on movement then actuall sound I HATE noisy toys as well and often removed the bells and what not from the toys ) they still loved them

 

[Streetwise]

Thank you! I was just thinking if there is anything I can do to help, but if some parts of this is what he needs to get used to, then it's a relief. I think I'll try talking to him about getting cats out during sex, and finding earplugs that could work. Not going to kick them out at night, though. I love sleeping with my kitties.

And both cats are sterilized, so it's ok. I may look for some calming pheromones... And he doesn't hurt them, he's very affectionate towards them when he's in good mood. In worse mood he just doesn't want to interact with them, and he shoos them away or walks out of house.

Do you have two separate areas that you could put cardboard boxes in the cats are territorial and stressed if they have a separate area they can de stress even better if the two separate areas mean they can't see each other when the cats that live with me or in the same room the sleep in the areas most of the time but they don't want to sleep together most of the time it's like being a prisoner

 

[newbiesomuch]

Unfortunately nope. I have very small house. Usually it's ok, it's just when male wants to play he jumps on her and they start to fight. That doesn't happen often - 3-4 times a day - but it gets on my guy's nerves since they're very loud during that...

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Sounds like the main problem is an excess of energy on the cats parts, a feliway plug in might help them calm down. You mentioned a long corridor, could you build them some sort of vertical play area along a wall? Things like shelves, hammocks, boxes attached to the wall? A box with a chip coded cat flap for the female cat so that she can have space to get away from the male when he is annoying her? Or perhaps allowing the female into the room they are banned from...

 

[Sarah S]

I agree with Nothing to see here. What the male needs is activating to get out he`s energy and what the female need is somewhere she can be left alone. The closing one room is not going to work due to they neeed to have there separate rooms to be in if they want to im afraid (i would put the females crib in the bedroom and the males in the living room )

 

[GadAbout]

Make sure you have a cat tree or "gym" and various cat toys. The cats should not be allowed to walk on the table. (Sanitation)

The cats should be separated sometimes (with closed doors) and other times, shut in the room where your partner is not.

Other than that, maybe you could encourage your partner to get down on the floor and take swipes, hiss and scratch the cats, and pee on areas he wants to be all his. In other words, declare and defend his territory in terms cats can understand, as well as his position in the social hierarchy.

 

[Sarah S]

Make sure you have a cat tree or "gym" and various cat toys. The cats should not be allowed to walk on the table. (Sanitation)

The cats should be separated sometimes (with closed doors) and other times, shut in the room where your partner is not.

Other than that, maybe you could encourage your partner to get down on the floor and take swipes, hiss and scratch the cats, and pee on areas he wants to be all his. In other words, declare and defend his territory in terms cats can understand, as well as his position in the social hierarchy.

On that one i agree only you cant keep the cats from high Places (dinner time or meal time not included)

Its duable yes but not adviceble to shut them in a room and you in the other one unless special circumstances

Thats WAY over the top he dont need to do that the cats will learn to read him and they will keep away when he whants them to . You are right reg the hierarchy tho. Its you too humans that are the bosses and the cats needs to be toght this from day one that what you say is what the rules are .and the way you do this is being clear on the rules and stick to them they WILL learn . And NO im not talking about any physical ways here ) its all done by body language and voice nothing else.

 

[Pats]

I'd be afraid he'd actually get mad enough to kick them if I wasn't home overseeing them and him. Which would show he's not a good person and you don't want him there anyway. If you're not concerned about that possibility I'd just be saying, deal with it, they come with me. We all have baggage.

 

[Pats]

Thank you! I was just thinking if there is anything I can do to help, but if some parts of this is what he needs to get used to, then it's a relief. I think I'll try talking to him about getting cats out during sex, and finding earplugs that could work. Not going to kick them out at night, though. I love sleeping with my kitties.

And both cats are sterilized, so it's ok. I may look for some calming pheromones... And he doesn't hurt them, he's very affectionate towards them when he's in good mood. In worse mood he just doesn't want to interact with them, and he shoos them away or walks out of house.

He needs to understand that with animals and people, it's not just at his convenience.

 

[Tom]

Get your beloved neutered and he should settle down and get along better with the other cats.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I don't want to sound harsh, I was raised on a ranch in the country, so here's my take:

They're animals, your boyfriend isn't.

The only reason they "saved your life" is because of your perception of them, not because of any actual heroics on their parts.

Priorities.

 

[Misery]

I don't want to sound harsh, I was raised on a ranch in the country, so here's my take:

They're animals, your boyfriend isn't.

The only reason they "saved your life" is because of your perception of them, not because of any actual heroics on their parts.

Priorities.

You could say that about most people, too. Unless someone very literally saves you from a burning building or beats up a murderer that was just about to end you, it's not really "saved your life" with people either, no matter what other interactions you may have had with them. So very, VERY few people could ever actually fall into that category.

That being said, priorities differ anyway.

Were it me, and someone I was with was trying to get me to get rid of my dog or something? No matter what that person meant to me, said person would be out on their butt in the street within a few seconds of trying that, and they'd probably be walking funny for quite awhile due to how hard I'd have kicked them. And I'd be in the house with the dog afterwards, probably regretting meeting whoever that had been. And then the dog would get a treat, because yes.

To do otherwise wouldnt even cross my mind for a second.

Not that I'd be in a relationship to begin with mind you, I usually just see people as treacherous blobs that make alot of annoying noises. But still.

 

[GadAbout]

I don't want to sound harsh, I was raised on a ranch in the country, so here's my take:

They're animals, your boyfriend isn't.

The only reason they "saved your life" is because of your perception of them, not because of any actual heroics on their parts.

Priorities.

Actually, pets really can promote health. Walking a dog results in better health in older adults. The purring of a cat results in lower blood pressure. Just the unconditional love and companionship can make pet ownership very beneficial to mental but also physical health. They now allow therapy dogs on hospital wards to help patients cope.

I'm not saying these things are "heroics," but they are well validated by scientific data as resulting in better health for the human. It's not merely perception or opinion.