ok, so I don't want to make this sound odd or like an NT 'not getting' her Aspie partner.....
but sometimes... not always but sometimes my relationship with my Aspie partner seems a bit business like.... like he tries to 'help' sort my problems, rather than listen and be there, listening and being a shoulder to rely on, I don't always want him to fix or sort a situation... sometimes I just need him to be supportive and be supportive of the decision I come to...
So my question is.. do you try to 'fix' any problems that your partner has ... or can you say, honestly that you try to support/ help them....?
I think this is a man and women issue, and not just an NT and Aspie issue. It is common for women to say what you have just said regarding men, too, regardless if he has a condition or not, but you cannot regularly change a man to think or act like a woman, just as you cannot change most women to think or act regularly like a man, unless you want the other to be someone else to just gratify you which is fine on rarer occasion.
But, then the reverse should be true. When a woman turns overly emotional a guy should have the right to say, "There are times I want you to be strong enough to talk issues out with me (the man,)", or to be rational, and not repetitive, negative, emotional or inflammatory. Men and women are different. So, yes, many guys often do like solving problems, and perhaps many women are more apt to talk about problems, or wanting support.
But, let's say a guy shows supports every now and then against his nature, and this stresses him out as it is not him, and as he has no way to know how to act during her times of need, and he has to read her mind. And let's say she keeps talking about the same problem in circles, despite his support, or she may come up with another problem as she now has her husband 'trained" to verbally or physically give support and get attention, when he rather solve so as to stop any obsessiveness, negativity, or drama? The guy may then revert back to his normal genetic ways.
Also, if a woman already has their mind made up of what their decision is, without wanting to get the guy's input, it would seem like she should not necessarily need his support, as she is strong enough having made her decision already. And after all, how do you know if the guy agrees with your decision? What if he disagreed? So, he must agree if he does not? Guys often want to think things out, look at different solutions, and will have their own opinion what is best.
Until men can feel less vulnerable to support, and not be seen as weak, and until many women can find ways to not cry or get angry over every small wrong in their life, or act stronger in ways, for smaller issues, many guys will continually need to fix things because it is against their nature to be continually emotionally supporting when they often show love more by those other actions. It can drain them being someone else too much, just as much as it drains women to want things fixed too much or not get comfort from men. That is why women often have female friends, for those support reasons, and why guys need friends as well, to get away from excessive problemed or negative talk where they are not allowed to help in the ways they know and do best.
So, while it is true guys may not seem to listen about a woman's need for support, guys feel the same way: they feel not listened to as well those times the woman gets overly emotional or refusing to look at logic, during those times when the man wonders why she cannot see things from his perspective, and act accordingly. No use fighting over the differences between men and women, or NTs and Aspies. Let each be themselves if no abuse is occurring, and focus on the positives of each other instead. Get your other needs elsewhere, if it cannot be fulfilled by the other, or move on if you are not happy as things are.
I agree though it would be good if both men and women could instinctively support the other every now and then, if possible, but to allow times where solutions can be talked about too, for bigger issues. So, I am sorry if you rarely feel support from your husband, but try to empathize with him, too. It must not be easy to have a condition he never asked for, nor is it easy for men to come up with answers all the time, and help these ways, when they could be enjoying life doing their own things and being less worried about issues.
