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Featured Is this patronizing, or am I overthinking things?

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by KagamineLen, Nov 16, 2020.

  1. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Gay and autistic midlife weeb.

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    Somebody I know has developed a saying that is seriously getting on my nerves. Whenever I say I like something, or whenever I state that I am pleased with anything, she responds with, "That's your opinion."

    I told her I found that to be patronizing, so she doubled down and stated that it was not really patronizing, she was just saying that I had my opinions that differed from everybody else's.

    Maybe this woman is more autistic than I am. Who knows? I find it annoying the way she says it, though. Yes, I know it is my opinion, no need to bring it up like that.
     
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  2. Kalinychta

    Kalinychta Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like she’s being passive-aggressive. What she’s really saying is: “You’re wrong.” That would annoy me so much.
     
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  3. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I have no idea if that would be considered patronising or not. But I would damn sure find it super-annoying.
     
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  4. onlything

    onlything Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yeah, that's patronising. She seems like she doesn't agree with you but is too weak-willed to do so directly. Probably just wants to avoid conflict.
     
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  5. Kalinychta

    Kalinychta Well-Known Member

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    Next time she says it, point at her head and say, “That’s your head.” No duh it’s your opinion.
     
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  6. Finder

    Finder Member

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    Well, that's your opinion...:mad:

    :p

    No, it is really annoying. It is dismissive at best.
     
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  7. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    Sounds to me like she is belittling your opinion. Of course, it's your opinion. Though I've usually heard it as, "That's just your opinion."
     
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  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Sounds to me like she feels challenged by your opinion and is assuring herself in the form of projection that it's just your opinion and her fragile opinion is still safe. I'd guess it has nothing to do with you, it's for herself.
     
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  9. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    l gotta ride with the duck on this. Remember we internalize everything when it is usually projection on their part. So they project what they feel and we internalize the dialogue, then it's just wrong on so many different levels. Kinda of funny when you dissect it. If it qacks, it's them, not you.
     
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  10. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes, she's projecting, but it's also useful to notice your particular take on that, you ask if she's being patronising? I wonder if that means she's projected her experience of being patronised into you? And maybe that she feels patronised on some level by you? You might also have a problem with feeling patronised? Try saying, do you feel as if I come over as a bit patronising sometimes? Does it remind you of someone? (But perhaps wear protective clothing and a helmet if you do this.)
     
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  11. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    My husband says exactly the same thing to me and the way he says it, is so dismissive.

    He also says he is not being nasty when he says it, but I do not believe him.
     
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  12. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes, thanks for that. Because I could not think of the motive and you just said it lol
     
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  13. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    But being autistic how long do we take to learn that we aren't in some way not more learned on some subjects and that we won't admit we were incorrect, sadly some!!!!!!!! autistic people are very sarcastic not all.
    I'm still in class 101 for American members, at the start for other members ,for Christians I'm still embryonic .
     
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  14. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    That's a perfect ex of passive aggressive stuffs. l knew someone who had a degree in this stuff, 18 years of it.
     
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  15. Mary Terry

    Mary Terry Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It is rude and merely states the obvious in a dismissive way. Clearly, your expression of liking something is an expression of your opinion. She is entitled to her opinion. What the heck else does she think it is other than your opinion? You have my permission to tell her so, even at the risk of sounding rude yourself. ;)
     
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  16. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Gay and autistic midlife weeb.

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    Yeah, she is really stating that I am the only person in the world who holds certain opinions that she very much disagrees with. It is irritating and dismissive. And quite narcissistic for her to believe that all of her opinions are held by the majority of people in the world.
     
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  17. ASD_Geek

    ASD_Geek Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    As previously mentioned, it sure does sound like she's being passive-aggressive, like your opinion is wrong and she is letting you know. She certainly sounds combative and does not sound like she is being friendly.
     
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  18. halfasped

    halfasped New Member

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    Hello KagamineLen, this is my first post here. I agree she sounds dismissive. When she says that, do you ask what hers is? She should not act like it's a huge chore to share her opinion. Or a huge chore to hear yours.
     
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  19. halfasped

    halfasped New Member

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    Breaks my heart to read this. I understand. Married 25 years. Only recently needed to be heard..."Well let's just agree to disagree". Huh? Yo! Hubby, just want you to see the world thru my eyes for a moment. (((hugs))) to you.
     
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  20. Gerontius

    Gerontius Active Member

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    This is called relativism. NPR does it all the time-- and so does everyone else with the agree to disagree stuff.

    In my religion relativism has been forbidden since 1907. Love it.