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Featured Is this an autism thing or a me thing?

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by EeveeFae, Jan 4, 2021.

  1. EeveeFae

    EeveeFae Active Member

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    From the beginning of the pandemic to now, except for all the stuff going on outside my home, which meant no more new episodes of shows I like, I am honestly pretty happy with the staying at home stuff. I felt/feel really relieved to not have to talk to strangers or go through the confusing and annoying social niceties of day-to-day life. I am pretty happy never leaving my house, and I feel like I get all the socializing I need from the other people in my house (mom, dad, older brother[20], younger sister[14]).
    Is it weird that I'm not bothered by being "stuck in my house" or is that a normal thing for autistic people?
    I honestly have enjoyed not being pressured to "go out and do things" and I know part of it is my anxiety surrounding sometimes events and going places, but my little sister tells me it's super weird to not miss being with my friends, so I don't know.
    This feels too long and maybe confusing now, but whatever, if you don't understand then you can ask me for clarification.
    Thank you and please help me
     
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  2. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Not sure it is an aspie thing, because other aspies on here, say differently, but I suffer from social anxiety too and so, as long as I do not get covid, I am happiest I have ever been. Anxiety has almost been non existant, accept for a few episodes and today, I am feeling rather anxious, but that is mostly, because of pain I am experiencing.

    You want to see some of my posts, to know what a long thread is like. In fact, yours is short.

    I love the social distancing, because there is no pressure to be social.
     
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  3. Owliet

    Owliet Active Member

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    ..
    . I do feel worried that I will revert and lose social development skills that have taken me years to work on but I think that’s down to a lack of practice and anxiety of having to deal with people when this is all over. With the exception of job frustration, I’m not overtly bothered about being stuck at home. Whilst I miss certain events, I’m not desolated by missing them. I’m more bothered by (when I do go out) how people don’t wash properly or wear their masks properly.
     
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  4. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hi and welcome, I hope that you enjoy it here. Yes I find social distancing fine, though over the years I have got pretty good at being invisible and avoiding contact, I expect you will too, it gets easier. Actually I have seen threads here already where most would echo your experience, though there are some more sociable Aspies who are missing friends and socialising. We are all different.

    I think it would be good to find out more about being an Aspie, as wanting a very small circle socially and not much missing friends is common for us, are you diagnosed? If you are Aspie, it would be good to have your family on board and understanding we function differently but are fine in our own way. Remarks like your sisters, though perhaps honest and well meant, could feel dismissive or discouraging, she and your family need to know that some people are different, not 'super weird'.

    A lot of Aspies find it impossible to have large friendship groups or keep up, but we often are good loving and reliable friends and are different, not 'weird'. She's young and puzzled, probably trying to help you work this out I expect.
     
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  5. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    And defintely some of us have guilt feelings about not being social. l have always had a tab of antisocial like attitude and l don't care. And Covid helps me feel quite at home when l stay home. No guilt feelings. Of course sliding into older age makes being antisocial totally acceptable. I now think people are pushy busybodies, espcially as l age. l turn down invites for all sorts of reasons. Mostly because l am uncomfortable as an older female going out with a stranger or meeting a stranger.
     
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  6. Neonatal RRT

    Neonatal RRT Active Member

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    It could be an "Aspie thing". Perhaps some science to back this up. Autism starts out as a combination of structural changes within the brain that results in several neurotransmitter imbalances. One of many common things that is studied (click onto Google Scholar, PubMed, etc.) is how it can affect the hypothalamus and posterior pituitary secretion of two chemicals,...oxytocin and vasopressin. These two are, in part, responsible for bonding between individuals (mother and baby, boyfriend and girlfriend, for example) but is also responsible for recognizing micro-expressions in the face, body language, and speech inflections, etc. There are studies in autistic children using oxytocin nasal sprays.

    In my anecdotal experience, I do not bond with people, in general. My parents, my siblings, my children, co-workers,...basically they are "out of sight, out of mind." It has nothing to do with liking them or not,...I like them,...but just don't "miss them",...ever. So, I am not one to be on social media, on the phone, texting,..."Hey, how are you doing?" It's no contact, at all,...which, to them, is a bit insulting,...and also a little weird for them when, after perhaps years, just pick up a conversation at a family reunion and act like we have never missed a day. Getting to my wife,...it is a similar thing,...but my "work around" is that I have found that I can bond through physical touch. It could be something simple like a hug, a kiss, holding hands,...it doesn't necessarily have to be something sexual.

    Being "stuck in the house" and not caring,...perhaps even liking it,...is likely related to this low oxytocin/vasopressin phenomenon. If you just don't have the need to be around people, are perfectly content without friends,...fine,...roll with it. Some autistics get really "weirded out" by this, some even get distressed about it (check out some the threads on this forum)...and this gets back to this "need" to be like everyone else and fit into a neurotypical world. Hey,...if it isn't you,...it's totally OK. Adapt and overcome.
     
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  7. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I don't have a very active social life and so the social distancing hasn't really affected my lifestyle or otherwise been a problem for me. I don't miss being physically close to people at all.

    I do like that people don't want to hug or kiss me on the cheek, as is the custom where I live. I never liked that very much!
     
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  8. OkRad

    OkRad μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος οὐλομένην V.I.P Member

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    I am afraid for society. People are killing themselves, suicidal, substance abuse has gone up, economy in peril, higher rates of murder and social ills.......all those things make it so people, even if they like to be alone, are living in a society that is crumbling. I don't like the feeling of crumbling societies and hope we can all get back to stability.
     
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  9. SDRSpark

    SDRSpark Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Wow, finally an explanation! I never bonded with the people I was socially expected to bond with. At least not in the same way. I always felt guilty for that too. Even as a child I was acutely aware of it...my classmates were expressing feelings for their family and friends that I just didn't experience. I didn't understand it, but I knew that there was more of "them" (people who experienced and expressed those feelings) than there was of "me" (people who didn't) and that experiencing and expressing those feelings was seen as "correct" and not experiencing/expressing those feelings was seen as "wrong".

    As for not going out...I find that my social needs have largely been met just by being in the presence of others, but not interacting with them. So I enjoyed going to bars and restaurants and just being alone, but in the presence of others. I do miss that.

    However, it was a huge relief this year to not be expected to participate in *holiday stuff*. The holidays are always ridiculously stressful to me - my friends, church members, family are always highly social and of course, everyone wants to know my plans, what I'm doing, blah blah blah. I don't have many people in my life, so even if I wanted to have that experience (and sometimes I do) it's not really available to me, and that just makes me feel really crappy. So I was much, much happier this year since everyone was in the same boat and I wasn't expected to do anything social.
     
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  10. _eri_bellehumeur

    _eri_bellehumeur Member

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    I don't know if it is an autism thing or not, but I definitely resonate with it. Before the pandemic, my anxiety and depression were very serious, and because I've always known living with anxiety and depression, I figured that it was a chemical imbalance thing, but nope. Take forced interaction with human beings out of the equation and I'm for the most part, perfectly happy. I have my close circle of people, but even with them my energy for socialization is very minimal, and now having a proper excuse to not meet with people has greatly minimized my guilt for not being a more social person. The pandemic has really helped me see that working and interacting with others in the world (neurotypical people in particular, who are often difficult for me to relate to) is just not my thing and has helped in narrowing down my future career paths to align with this.

    Also, nobody hugs me against my will anymore- which really, shouldn't be an issue in the first place, but at least its nice and resolved now!
     
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  11. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Get upset with people who think just because l am alone, therefore l am actively searching, maybe NT woman do, but a lot of ND woman are content to ride bumper cars in life all by themselves without feeling like something is missing. Plus l was married for quite awhile, big deal.
     
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  12. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Where are the bumper cars?! I love them. Though we just went into a 6 week lockdown, so I'll have to just dream about them.
     
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  13. EeveeFae

    EeveeFae Active Member

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    Thank you! I am diagnosed, but it's still fairly recent, so for now I'm trying to find what things I do are autisim things and what are just my personality. I like to think that my family is very accepting, and I know they don't mean it, but to say I'm happier this way when they're all so much sadder feels like something I'm not supposed to do. Thank you, and yes I'm getting the idea that there will be a lot of research in my future.
     
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  14. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Me too.
     
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  15. Sherlock77

    Sherlock77 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I think there is some of both people on here @EeveeFae

    I'm the opposite of you, but then I also live on my own which I believe is far more challenging during Covid, because when I'm at home it's just me... In the past I had evening "escapes", club meetings, concerts at small cafes, etc... which got me out of the house, all of those are gone now...

    And since Covid started I have gone for daily walks, and averaged 5 to 8 kilometres per day on average, just getting fresh air and exercise, and some photography too
     
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  16. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I feel the same way!
     
  17. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit Dancing is exercise

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    Comparison to a standard is gateway to
    "Less than" thinking. This leads to shame. Predjudice us based in fear. Is tru-tru but churlish and gauche to say
    "They are afaid of us." What they fear may be.....
    the Desiderata please
     
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  18. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit Dancing is exercise

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    " go placidly amidst the noise and haste and remember what peace there maybe in silence......"
     
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  19. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Let's just say that most of us on the spectrum require a certain amount of solitude on a regular basis. That which is apt to be a bit foreign to many Neurotypicals in comparison. So for many of us, what may irk NTs so much about a sustained lockdown or limited socialization isn't so bad.

    Solitude allows us to recharge our lost energies...particularly for those who mask their traits and behaviors a great deal.

    Social distancing? For us it's almost a way of life...though not always our intent. :oops:
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2021
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  20. grommet

    grommet Well-Known Member

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    I feel exactly the same way, especially about not being pressured to go out and do things.
     
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