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Is there any hope for me?

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Markness, Oct 8, 2020.

  1. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    Is there any hope for me in getting a relationship? I just can’t stop feeling like I have no hope and that I am going to be alone until I die. I tried using dating apps for the last few months but they were unproductive endeavors. People I know are either getting married or having kids while I can’t even get a date. I am 32 and the pain of loneliness just keeps getting stronger.
     
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  2. MyLifeAsAnAspie

    MyLifeAsAnAspie Well-Known Member

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    Please try to enjoy life with platonic friends until you get your head together for a relationship. Sorry, but that's the best advice I have. Try new things and try to make new friends.
     
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  3. NeilM

    NeilM Active Member

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    I'm sorry you are going thru such a bad time.

    Do you have any relatives or friends who work at a hospital? Since at least 75% of the staff at a hospital are women, perhaps you could ask them if they know someone who is single and willing to date? Thats what I did and met the woman who became my second wife! YMMV of course but its worth a try.
     
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  4. Pappy Boyington

    Pappy Boyington Well-Known Member

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    There's a youtube channel called WingmanTV that helps you get chicks.

    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEfwUiuU69mS19aJ_SveqDA
     
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  5. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    As a married person, for coming up to 30 years ( next year), I can tell you, that what appears to be happy families, is actually quite the opposite.

    I have a single friend, who feels pretty much as you do. She is 54 now and still single, however, she is coming to see that marriage is HARD WORK. It is not about being in love and all smiles and hugs and kisses. It is about living life together and that is not easy at all. If you succeed in finding a partner on a similar wave length and who is a good listener and understands your person dynamics, then it can make that hard work, bearable.

    We always want what is not in our sight and I know so, because I have always wanted children, but due to male infertility, I cannot experience that and for years and even now, I cannot bear to see pregnant ones and it seems every woman is pregnant, but when I asked someone else if they have noticed the influx of pregnant women, the answer is no, because they are not in that need. Whereas the single sister feels every one she sees is married, but in fact, many are not married.

    Marriage also does not mean fullproof that you are never going to be alone. It is said that marriage means every day the loved up couple see each other, but in reality, due to normal living ie work and keeping the home clean and if there are children, looking after them. Looking after animals. All that takes the place of romance and so, couples have to make an effort to love each other.

    My single friend said that she longs to be hugged, but has come to see that perhaps if she lived with a man who is not into that or demanding, those hugs could become obhorient.

    Sorry, for being realistic about it, but having lived it, I cannot help but say how it is.
     
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  6. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    @Suzanne This is why I never married.
    Relationships were rough enough and emotionally hurtful enough.
    Having lived with a couple of boyfriends, I agree with what you say on how it is.

    Unfortunately that romantic thrill of being enamoured/in love doesn't last.
    At some point it turns into trying to make the relationship just work.
    The thrill is gone and you don't truly feel loved any longer.
    The simple, just as I am, care and love that doesn't necessarily need be romantic is much more
    plain and comfortable.
    You might find this from platonic relations, relatives, pets, or for the very lucky ones, from self
    peace without the need for relying on an other for fulfillment.

    Dating and marriage is seldom the end all that most think.
     
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  7. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I think dwelling on this instead of taking some small steps towards making friends or developing your interests alongside others is stopping you from progressing, ironically.

    I'm sure if you spend time where there are some others you will make connections and meet people who you might get to know and like, who may include people you may want to date or have friends or family who you may like. Everyone who's met someone has done that, it's the first step. Do you think it's depression that prevents you doing that?

    How can you get support to take some small, positive steps? Could you make a plan with your counsellor?
     
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  8. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    I have seen several posts on this thread that indicated relationships were hard work. I disagree with this idea. If you are with the right person, it just comes naturally. You will put your partners wants and needs before your own. Making your partner happy will be your main concern. If you both feel this way, life is good. My wife and I have felt like this for over 50 years.

    Now raising kids, that is a different story. That can be hard.
     
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  9. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I feel that relationships wether N/T or D/T are hard i have tried my whole life to find that other person that 'completes me' and makes the world complete and it is evasive, so who knows if this makes us happy and if indeed if it is sustainable , not my experience however, all of our experiences are unique, for me my different way of perceptive life itisn't without it's challenges, i have spent my life mostly feelying outside, different and sad and romantic partnership or not just 'being' and less anxiety and less runeranations is my result, of being alone, i hope you find contentment if not 'true love'.
     
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  10. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    My parents and younger brother work at hospitals but they’ve never set me up with anyone who works where they work.
     
  11. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I’ve tried to engage with others socially at places like music shows and comic/anime conventions but they don’t seem interested in becoming friends with me and they usually have company with them so it feels like they don’t want to make new friends. It’s really discouraging.
     
  12. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I don’t know if it’s because of COVID why I am unsuccessful on dating apps or if it’s because I am truly unattractive.
     
  13. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I’ve sort of come up for air now.
     
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  14. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Even though a single life will generally be easier, many of us will still crave a relationship.

    Are you straight or non-straight? (This can make a difference in how people perceive things.)
    If you're comfortable sharing race, this can help too. I'll give you an honest, raw opinion of my perception if I notice your response.

    If you have determined you're unattractive, here're some tips that can help.

    1. Exercise
    2. Learn skills that will help you become as independent as possible
    3. Build interests where you can socialize with others.
    4 If you feel your social skills aren't sufficient, look for classes, organizations, workshops, and/or maybe build friendships based on your interests where maybe someone can guide you to better patterns to socialize on your own.

    Being able to stand on your own two feet will help a lot. Some things like race are not under your control at all. It's not easy I hope things work out.

    You can take part(s) of or all our advice or none at all as you are in the situation, but we'll try to help you as much as we can on our end.
     
  15. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I am straight.

    I am White/Anglo-American with some Native American heritage but I’m mostly seen as the former.
     
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  16. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Thank you for the info.
    Based on what you've told me, and based on my own impressions and experience:

    Many people in the US tend to be attracted to the white race over minorities. It's not as easy as that, but as a sweeping overall generality, I think that's still true. Most people will try to like multiple races. Also I believe whites are still the majority race in the US as well.

    If you are particularly overweight and your face doesn't look cute to most people, your physicality might be desired. If you feel this is true and these things bother you, see what you can do to lose weight.

    Do what you can to be as independent as you can. Women generally like emotions and thought put into something. Even then, they might not respond because they like someone else more. As a straight person, you have many more options than an lgbt person at least. If you live in or near a city, your possible options increase as well.

    Tell us what you see are some of your strengths and interests and we might be able to give you more advice in here as well.
     
  17. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I live in Texas, which is now considered a minority-majority state, but White people are still the majority in my area (Killeen-Temple-Fort Hood metropolitan area). Interracial relationships aren’t unheard of here and White Male/Hispanic Female relationships are common but for the most part, I mainly see White Male/White Female relationships. Both White and Hispanic women here tend to like similar men, though. They usually go for men that are “hot”, dress snazzy, talk loud, and have a “bad boy” edge to him.

    But I sometimes see overweight men who are with women that would normally be considered out of the overweight man’s “league” so I get very confused when I see this happen. I suppose the overweight guys who have no trouble getting girlfriends aren’t on the spectrum.

    I live in a city in a neighborhood close to some rural areas. I know some people who are LGBT and they still manage to establish relationships somehow despite how there are no LGBT-centered hang outs here.

    I’ve been told I can retain a lot of information on things I find interesting (not as much as I wish, though), I’ve started drawing again this year, and I sometimes still attempt to learn songs on my guitar. I am short on time but I’ll post more later.
     
  18. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Some of these men might be making a lot of money and/or own their own home. These are attractive qualities and can compensate what might not be desired in looks alone. Personality can definitely attract people too.
    Some of the lgbt people particularly might have used an app to start to get acquainted.
    Definitely if you're on the spectrum, it will most likely be harder to match up with people because many others won't like the social nuances even if they don't interfere with another person's life. Many tend to notice something is amiss or there is something that they don't like even if the differences are totally fine and non-intrusive.
     
  19. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I’m told by others living with my mother is why I don’t have a girlfriend. My mother denies that is the case and claims that most millennials live with their parents but it’s just more of her control freak nature coming out to keep me complacent.
     
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  20. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Both your friends and your mother are right. Your friends because living with your mother means you are not entirely independent and your mother may wonder where you are if you are out so late at night. Your mother is also right because some people are able to manage finding someone else despite living with a parent(s). Usually people that go out with others living with their parent(s) might live with their parent(s) themselves. Also, they might have other qualities/features that another person likes. Living with a parent(s) certainly decreases your chances of dating someone else.