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Featured Is the 'bubble' finally bursting?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by OnyxM, Sep 26, 2020.

  1. OnyxM

    OnyxM New Member

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    I'm not diagnosed yet but I suspect I have either ASD or ADD or both. I relate to both in many ways. Anyway.

    Nobody knows or suspects anything although many people around me think I'm weird/naive/cloudheaded, etc..but nobody knows why.

    I grew up as a good and 'smart' child. Everyone around me expected things of me because of that and because of my ease to learn things by heart and therefore get away always with medium to good grades with very little effort due to my lazyness. People and teachers always thought I'd do incredible things if I tried a bit more. I never thought I'd go to college but I did and I graduated with a degree of something I chose for the wrong reasons and which I ended up hating and working at for only 3 years before quitting because it made me wanna turn to pills.

    I did several other jobs in the meantime to have an income and all of them I hated too because they were the kinds of jobs that expected all sorts of things I neither could nor wanted to give (ex. customer service).

    Now I'm 27, job hopping, with no clear purpose or plan and still not clear idea of my abilities. I have no specific ability that could be marketable enough for me to be 'chosen' above others. I have many hobbies but my ADD traits make it impossible to master any of them. And my anxiety numbs me so much that I mostly end up thinking I'm useless anyway.

    And the worst is that my people always expected so many things of me because of my superficial and not so true 'gifts and smarts', that I think now is the time that this 'bubble' we've all been living in is finally bursting.
    I don't know how to be anything they expect me to be and the fact that I finished school and even got a degree makes it even more difficult to explain my difficulties or admit my challenges because these 'gifts' make people think that I'm simply insecure and going through a 'phase', that I simply put myself down,etc..which only exhausts me even more because I feel like I'm expected to do something that is totally foreign to me.
    I don't mind not being able to have a big fancy career. I only need a simple job, with simple tasks that won't cause me increased anxiety and make me hate myself more. I don't need to be fancy, I don't care if I have a degree, if I look or seem 'smart' or whatever, I just want to be myself and be free to be me, whatever it is, whether it's mediocre or more or less without feeling that I 'have' to be more because of my supposed skills.

    Has anyone felt like this? Have you experienced this if you have autism or add or both? I wanna know how common it might be for people like me.
     
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  2. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I think many of us have problems finding jobs that suit us. I always liked paperwork. I love writing, just the act of writing. My last job was probably my best job - lots of paperwork. I've never understood why some people actually love working. But when I ended up a single mom and knew I had to do something, I went to school and became an RN and worked for 15 years at a hospital. I hated every single day and the days I wasn't working, spent most the time dreading having to go back. People didn't like me. I didn't like them. I did fine with my patients, but co-workers not. I was good at my job and was even criticized for that. But I had no other choice - I had kids to support and didn't get any kind of child support or any other help. So I did what I had to do. A couple times my supervisor demanded I go for some kind of counseling, didn't know why but I masked their too so nothing came from it. It wasn't until after I was no longer working that I was evaluated and it determined that I "had severe difficulties in social and work environments" and several years later diagnosed with autism, which explained everything!!!. Just do your best and don't worry about what others think. They don't know you, they don't know your struggles and will probably never understand your struggles.
    Welcome.
     
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  3. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    I think most people experience this at one point of their life or another. Though no matter how much we think we're deficient or superior in a particular line of work, the reality is that you take what you can get based on a job market that more often than not is downright hostile.

    It's just that in our case our sensory issues can really make or break us in the workplace. Where more often than not we have little or no control over such things. I went through periods where I simply suffered just being at work. Where all I could do was just stick it out.

    Probably my best deliberate effort to accommodate my autism in the job market was to become self employed. Though like everything else, this course of action just isn't for everyone. With the confidence of calling my own shots and working when I felt like it, tempered with being solely responsible for all my actions.
     
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  4. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yeah sounds a bit like my life, in many ways. ,But I went to a lot of therapy which I found helpful mostly, plus it was a kind of social life. Also it deals with the issues around others expectations, you can learn not to be overly concerned about those, in therapy, whose life is it anyway?

    Luckily I found some jobs I enjoyed too, and could finance my therapy. Working in a straightforward easy ish job sounds like a good option, I have done that sometimes, it's therapeutic if you don't need a lot of money. I'd say, do that if it makes you happier, but first maybe get some therapy to help you stop feeling others opinions are so problematic. In a while you can then do what you prefer without discomfort.
     
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  5. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I thought this thread was going to be about the collapse of society.
     
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  6. menander

    menander Well-Known Member

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    Oddly, so did I!
     
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  7. Autistic Yoda

    Autistic Yoda Do. Or do not. There is no 'try'. V.I.P Member

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    A bright side, there is. Now we are no longer forced to shake hands. We can tell dudes to stand six feet back, and be immediately excused. Have we ever been fond of large crowds to begin with?
     
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  8. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    Welcome to the club!

    I was a gifted child too. Always meant for a career in science and technology. As far as I'm concerned, the "gift" was a white elephant. If I could go back as a happy ordinary kid I'd do it in a heartbeat.

    After I completely fell apart as a senior in high school, all dreams of success faded and I kicked my bucket list. I couldn't sell myself and nobody wanted me just on my merits. Took a decade to work up to high mediocre (mainly through dumb luck and one friend making one referral) and never really got beyond that.

    Eventually got a nearly useless degree in Interdisciplinary Studies. Some people can talk their way into a plum position with just that. But again, if I were a drink of water I couldn't sell myself to someone dying of thirst. OTOH, being high mediocre is a heck of a lot better than low mediocre. It is enough to marry and raise 2 kids. It is enough to save some money in a 401K so as not to be destitute upon retirement.

    If you learn to get go of the past and live only in the present; if you learn to see all the small things in the world around you that are really amazing and beautiful; if you learn to stop judging and start perceiving, then you can still be happy regardless of the world.
     
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  9. Autistic Yoda

    Autistic Yoda Do. Or do not. There is no 'try'. V.I.P Member

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    "If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. ~Lao Tzu
     
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  10. Rasputin

    Rasputin ASD / Aspie V.I.P Member

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    OnyxM, I can relate to your experiences, and I am 62. I was so good in school that I stayed in school until I was your age. While in school I got a job as a computer programmer. I wasnt content with that, so I took a crash course in Accounting and became a CPA. From Computer Programmer, I became a financial examiner (examined the financial viability of commercial bank's, savings and loans, bank holding companies, and foreign agencies). From there, I became a bank auditor and loan review officer. From there I became a systems auditor, and then completed the circle and became lead systems analyst. Then after a few years went back to systems auditing before landing a job in information security. I stayed in that role seven years before leaving and accepting a Sr. Business Systems Analyst position, which I hold today at the ripe old age of 62. Miraculously, I have never béen unemployed and have had generally above average job performance. I even found time to get two Masters degrees and a Ph.D. while employed full-time.

    Now the downside of all this job hopping is that you are viewed as a job-hopper, and your career never rises above the level of a senior analyst. I also did not know that I was autistic until 8 months ago. I was just weird, technically very smart, and able to learn anything I became interested in. Since my diagnosis I understand more about myself, and feel generally calm and content.

    My advice to you is try to get diagnosed without destroying your future career; perhaps wait until you have a career? Pick a job and stick with it, even if the job doesn't excite you. Otherwise, look forward to having the same kind of career that I have had. If only I had stayed put as a programmer, maybe I could have advanced further than I have.
     
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2020
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  11. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hi there, I was officially diagnosed, 2 and a bit year's ago and have been told that if I just was motivated, I could do things excellently, but my issue is, if I am not interested in the subject, I cannot get motivated and so, are medocre at best and this apparently winds some people up lol

    When I finally got my official diagnosis, I was in a mixure of sureality and panic and now, it is calmer.
     
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  12. Autistic Yoda

    Autistic Yoda Do. Or do not. There is no 'try'. V.I.P Member

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    Follow our hearts, we must. Far more than the neurotypical. But once we're finally in the right place with the right people, doing the right things, we can CRUSH IT. Our narrow obsessive focus can indeed be put to positive use.

    Are there any subjects which truly interest you? Focus on those, and the world is yours.
     
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2020
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  13. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    Angry, too. People who cannot let go of their anger are usually stuck reliving the past. Like the needle on an old vinyl record that has been scratched, they are cursed to relive the same injustice over and over.

    Doesn't matter what injustice happened. If you have some kind of recourse available pursue it and then let it go. If you don't, let it go anyhow. Bitterness is a poison you swallow hoping it will hurt the other person. Or as Buddha says:

    "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
     
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  14. oregano

    oregano Your time will come...

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    I absolutely CANNOT work. No matter the job, I screw it up fairly quickly and in ways related to my autism that wouldn't happen with a NT, and am fired. I tried employing myself, and screwed that up too. Finally I realized that people who live off the land never seem to go hungry. There are good years and bad years, but they never have to beg an employer for a raise because their rent went up, they never have to use a calculator to make sure they don't overspend at the supermarket. Most Americans live in cities, and they are totally dependent on the trucks arriving in the morning with food and water.

    I had been considering living in the country by myself since nobody wants to be around me, and I finally decided to live off the land as a hermit. I had to save money from my disability checks to make it happen since I can't work. NT's simply can't understand what it's like for the world to not make sense to an autie, to try and try and always screw up and for people to say "you're so smart, why do you do such dumb stuff?" and you can't explain it. Even my own mom doesn't understand why I've failed at life.

    But so many NT's go around and around from job to job, and only make a pittance and are treated awful for it, meanwhile the debts pile up and kid after kid is born and eventually they get to be around my age and they are hungry and cold/hot all the time and their kids have raised themselves and are now feral drug addicts, and finally they just kill themselves. If that's civilization, I'm glad to not be a part of it.
     
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  15. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Exactly- you don't want to be a sheeple. l get this. l go back and forth on this one. It's nice to belong in a great workplace but we never find a decent work place.
     
  16. Barymore

    Barymore Active Member

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    Get help, dont do it alone. Doesnt have to be a therapist, can be a job coach or other.
    I chose the self employed route, which works for me but only because I have help with those executive function areas where I struggle. A financial advisor supports me in strategic business decisions, with contracts etc, an office manager supports me in organisation etc. These people are from my circle of family/friends or via a support group for small scale businesses - so have no financial costs. Just an example to illustrate the principle!
     
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