Is it relevant?

[Benjamin Springer]

Does anyone else struggle with deciding what is relevant when it comes to expressing ideas? More often than not I will be typing out something (on Facebook for instance) and when I get to end I can't decide if it's even relevant. I will often delete the post or post it and then delete it. In my mind it makes sense but I'm always questioning whether or not it will make sense to others. It's incredibly frustrating. I wish I could just express myself freely without worrying about how it comes across.

 

[Judge]

Sure. I re-edit and second-guess posts all the time right after I post them.

Maybe it's OCD related....I'm not sure.

 

[Keigan]

I write my thoughts out on paper first, then organize and formulate a message - otherwise chaos.

 

[Jet Weiss]

I get anxiety about what I've said or written and whether or not it is relevant or appropriate. I will usually re-read things several times before I post them.
I wish I could re-read my thoughts before I spoke, as I end up eating my words a lot

 

[Ambi]

Does anyone else struggle with deciding what is relevant when it comes to expressing ideas? More often than not I will be typing out something (on Facebook for instance) and when I get to end I can't decide if it's even relevant. I will often delete the post or post it and then delete it. In my mind it makes sense but I'm always questioning whether or not it will make sense to others. It's incredibly frustrating. I wish I could just express myself freely without worrying about how it comes across.

Kind of - like, I just give ALL the info, "in case" it is relevant, since I don't want to presume what will or won't be relevant to the other person regarding the point I am asking them to consider. I have a habit of giving too much info, or failing to give all of the relevant info even when I try to be thorough - so yes, in that sense, I do struggle with deciding what is relevant. Even for myself, I think I obsess over details which may not be so relevant to my current problem/situation, and I have a difficult time prioritizing them lower/higher on a list of things to consider. I really should wait an hour, re-read what I am about to post, then post, I would catch so many mistakes. I have lost the patience to do that. And as for my mouth - I wish there were a filter. I think as a teen, I used to be so, so paranoid and socially anxious that I would barely speak until I was *absolutely* sure that it was uber relevant and perfect - waiting a very long time before doing so. I disliked the heavy anxiety and self-critique I experienced, it was so stressful! But....it kept me from saying stupid things, or things that had unintended consequences. Going forward, I would like to find some kind of a balance between these 2 extremes.

 

[xudo]

Yes, all the time. Often I will rewrite something or remove parts of what I have written because I worry that it will be misconstrued.

 

[Chance]

The train wreck takes place somewhere between the brain and the fingers (or the brain and my mouth), or I just get on the wrong mental train and go off into no mans land and expect everyone to follow...

I think your perfectly normal in ASD world

 

[Gracey]

I often delete whole posts (that may have taken a considerable amount of time to write) I often question myself and try to second guess how what I've written maybe perceived.

I'd never knowingly try to upset or offend someone and yet want to join in a thread and add my tuppence worth.

More often than not by the time I've finished building my sentences the conversation has moved in a different direction and the moment has passed... my post appears mistimed and random by the time I press the post button.

I can't wait until we all evolve into mind readers. So much easier

 

[clg114]

Yep, guilty as charged and the only place that I post is here. Quite often I will read one of my posts and notice that it is off subject. I do not know if it is a Aspie thing, a old guy thing or both.

 

[Sabrina]

Sure. I re-edit and second-guess posts all the time right after I post them.

Maybe it's OCD related....I'm not sure.

I am grateful everyday for the "edit" option here in AspiesCentral. I am also grateful of the time limit of it, to avoid the temptation to edit at infinitum (bravo AspiesCentral, you know your people!).

 

[Rob Schlintz]

Does anyone else struggle with deciding what is relevant when it comes to expressing ideas? More often than not I will be typing out something (on Facebook for instance) and when I get to end I can't decide if it's even relevant. I will often delete the post or post it and then delete it. In my mind it makes sense but I'm always questioning whether or not it will make sense to others. It's incredibly frustrating. I wish I could just express myself freely without worrying about how it comes across.

 

[Rob Schlintz]

I always second guess if should or should not first then is it revelant imagination knows wrong person hearing can create more questions towards myself which I want, and dont want at times I feel my life is stuck in a catch 22

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Does anyone else struggle with deciding what is relevant when it comes to expressing ideas? More often than not I will be typing out something (on Facebook for instance) and when I get to end I can't decide if it's even relevant. I will often delete the post or post it and then delete it. In my mind it makes sense but I'm always questioning whether or not it will make sense to others. It's incredibly frustrating. I wish I could just express myself freely without worrying about how it comes across.

When I make a post it takes me a while to decide what should go in it - however, on here, it's OK to be redundant and no one will judge me for it. So, this is a matter of deciding what specifically I can put in it, vs. it being relevant or not. I do however make sure that nothing I post is ever confusing. It also takes me forever to check for typos and when I realize I made them after reviewing the post (and thus, missed them while posting), I start wondering if anyone got a chance to see it yet, before I get a chance to edit the typo. All in all, it is important to me just how I come across; in real life I can come across as rude and insensitive, and that's another aspect I try to keep track of the best I can - but since I have issues with tact it might not always be a guarantee no matter where I am; at least online I have more time to think it through somehow.

 

[Alaska]

Does anyone else struggle with deciding what is relevant when it comes to expressing ideas? More often than not I will be typing out something (on Facebook for instance) and when I get to end I can't decide if it's even relevant. I will often delete the post or post it and then delete it. In my mind it makes sense but I'm always questioning whether or not it will make sense to others. It's incredibly frustrating. I wish I could just express myself freely without worrying about how it comes across.

Probably every single person on this site, inluding the NTs, can identify with your predicament. Most people who write anything share your writing regret. A thing was invented by editors called, "deadlines", to make writers let go of whatever they are working on and stop working on it forever.

This is a human problem, not just an Aspie one. I am sure that we are worse about it than your average NT, though.

 

[SusanLR]

Takes several re-reads, spell checks, re-thinks, erasing and re-wording to get a post out. Then I feel that anxiety before I hit Post button. Did I say the right thing? Will it offend someone? Hope I worded it in a sensible manner that will be of help, etc.
It might be an Aspie thing since we tend to be perfectionistic and self doubting over things. Especially something the whole world can read. But, it is helpful at the same time.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

The train wreck takes place somewhere between the brain and the fingers (or the brain and my mouth), or I just get on the wrong mental train and go off into no mans land and expect everyone to follow...

I think your perfectly normal in ASD world

Would the phrase
'your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing?'

fit?

 

[S-Head]

Does anyone else struggle with deciding what is relevant when it comes to expressing ideas? More often than not I will be typing out something (on Facebook for instance) and when I get to end I can't decide if it's even relevant. I will often delete the post or post it and then delete it. In my mind it makes sense but I'm always questioning whether or not it will make sense to others. It's incredibly frustrating. I wish I could just express myself freely without worrying about how it comes across.

Yes. All the time.

But also I struggle with the question: what is relevant in my relationship with my wife?

Should I tell her about something or not? Useless information, such as the cell phone bill was $2 over this month. Another case: the car has one of those defective Takata airbags in it. We've been waiting over a year for a replacement. We still drive the car. Now they stuck it in during an oil change. I know she's going to skewer me for that one. Something like: well it was important because you could die driving if you crash with the defective bag! Yes, however we already decided it wasn't a big deal (the problem happens mostly in hot southern U.S. states, and we don't live there) and kept driving the car... but I'm guilty.

I hope this is not too far off the original post.

 

[Voltaic]

relevence is an abstract conection of ideas. some things can be very relavent, closely conected to the topic at hand. or they can be less relavent, less closely linked to the topic, but still can be related to the converstaion.

think if someone is talking about thier friends, after they are done speaking' it is relavent to talk about a friend. or in a political dialog, you may be able to conectect two abstract conecpts togther through conections

deciding wether something is relavent is highly up to the person. one person maybe be able to make the conections from higher thinking or memories.

you can exsperiance something with someone close, and conect it to a mutual childhood memory. bringing that up with her may be relavent, but to someone else, it wouldnt be.

I notice in myself that i could say something that links to the conversation, something i find relavent. but others are jot able to make those conections when i speak, and think it is out of the blue, rather until i drop it or explain it.

 

[Gracey]

I seem to find that I’ve only heard or read part of a conversation and it maybe just one word that I’ve grasped and try to connect using what I have experienced or know about that one word.

A couple of examples maybe the word dissociation used in a thread.
I may miss the most important points in the thread but waffle on about disassociation (one word)

Another would be the word ‘suffer’ when used in a thread about OCD.
Because I don’t see myself as suffering I’ll miss the most important points written down and harp on about the subject of suffering(or not)
My experience, in an attempt to connect.

Is it relevant?
Probably not but to me, yes.