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Is It Realistic To...

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Ruth_Alice, Jul 17, 2017.

  1. Ruth_Alice

    Ruth_Alice New Member

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    Is it realistic to pursue a relationship with an NT in the hope that they could be your lifetime partner? The older I get, the more I feel like the more normal a person is, the less hope there is that things could work out between us, because he will inevitably become disenchanted with me and confused by the amount of time that I need to spend alone as well as some of the other struggles I face because of how my mind seems to process things. Or how I only have 2 friends that I ever really see. I just can't help but feel like with my life being so solitary and uneventful... that would probably be a dealbreaker for most people. Because of these concerns, it's often hard for me to even give NTs a chance when it comes to dating, even when they're the ones expressing the initial interest in me.

    Is that fair, or could I be worrying too much in some ways? I just can't help but feel like within a matter of time, they would feel like I was too much for them and want someone more normal. And then it seems like it would just end up being a heartbreaking waste of time.
     
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  2. Momo

    Momo Well-Known Larrikin

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    I don't feel it's unrealistic, but yes it would be difficult. I think you'd just need to find the right guy (wow what helpful advice!) Have you tried dating a fellow aspie? That could work for you.
     
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  3. JellyBean

    JellyBean Your local hug-dealer

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    I totally think a aspie and a nt can have a life long relationship. My dad is autistic and my mom is neurotypical and they were together for 20 years and had 3 kids!!
    But they got seperated later, not because my dad's autism, but because he was a cheater.

    But I believe it's possible and a lot more common then we think. You might have to stumble and fall sometimes, but I think you can meet the one eventually.
     
  4. OlLiE

    OlLiE Active Member

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    i have been in a relationship with an NT girlfriend for 6 years, if all goes to plan we will be getting married later this year

    NTs can be quiet, understanding, introverted, considerate, loving, kind, caring etc
    so they do have potential :)
    it does however take a lot of talking and reaching a mutually satisfactory compromise on:
    - the social activities she needs versus the quiet and isolation i need
    - the living together needs she has versus quiet and isolation i need
    - the spontaneity she needs versus the predictability that i need
    - her liberal interpretation of timeliness/rules versus my strict interpretation of both

    There is no reason to assume that NT's cannot respect our strengths and live with our limitations, every has limitations NT or not
     
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  5. toothless

    toothless this is mr shadow,my support cat V.I.P Member

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    my dad is autistic to [diagnosed informally] and my mum is NT but bats**tcrazy,there is autism in her side of the family to though.
     
  6. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Tough question about "mixed" relationships. I don't believe anyone can conditionally answer such a question given the variables of whether or not one may or may not be compatible with another of a different neurological profile.

    You may encounter members here like me who would tell you that all their relationships with NTs ultimately failed, and IMO they did so largely to such incompatibility issues. However there are others here who have long term, successful relationships with NTs as well. It must be a great thing if one can find an NT who willingly functions as your "wingman". Though I suspect most of them will be unable or unwilling to do so "for better or worse, richer or poorer", etc.. In my own case there was a critical part of the equation missing. At the time of all my relationships I had no idea- not a clue that I could be on the spectrum of autism.

    Would I do any better with future relationships? I can only tell you personally from my own perspective if I were seeking a relationship with another these days, I'd be apt to prefer my own kind. IMO the odds of finding that tolerant, understanding NT to spend the rest of one's life with might be out there, but it's simply less likely. In my own case being in my 60s I don't realistically expect any future relationship period.

    However in your own case, well....you still have time to choose. ;)
     
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  7. kay

    kay Well-Known Member

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    My "NT" boyfriend isn't autistic but he's odd. I think that's why it works. And he makes the best potato salad, banana bread, chicken stock, mash potatoes, meat pies, ect.... So, yes, I think the NT thing can work as long as the NT isn't actually so typical. And is a pretty good cook.:)
     
  8. Bella Pines

    Bella Pines Well-Known Member

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    Yes of course it is. I met my NT husband in 1999 and 18 years and 2 children later we are still going strong.

    Sounds like you need to give yourself a chance! We're logical, low maintenance and brilliant. Any NT should count themselves lucky that we are willing to bother!

    And yes there will be road bumps, as with all relationships, so post the problems and I guarantee that someone here will have experienced it. :)
     
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  9. JamesBon92007

    JamesBon92007 Well-Known Member

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    I've been with my NT girlfriend a little over three years and it just keeps getting better! More recently she has been reading about Asperger's and relationships so she it getting a better understanding. She was also a school teacher and principal and has taught autistic children so that gives us an edge. It took her quite a while before she began to realize that I'm an Aspie so I must be pretty good at pretending to be normal :)
     
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  10. Keigan

    Keigan Restless Mind V.I.P Member

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    I believe that any relationship combination has a chance as long as all involved are understanding and accepting.

    There are individuals who have core needs that their partner might not be able to meet, then all involved just need to explore how those core needs can be met in a way that does not destroy the relationship,
     
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  11. Sabrina

    Sabrina Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    If dating an NT brings so much doubts, erh... should I say the obvious? Date an Aspie. In my case, I've had relationships with NTs and Aspies, and to tell you the truth, if a guy doesn't have a good share of uniqueness (a.k.a. weirdness), I end up bored.
     
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  12. Pariah Dog

    Pariah Dog Well-Known Member

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    I would say at least women get the option of dating through nt's if they wish. Men are more visually selective in a partner I would say. If he thinks a lady is at least decent looking that is often enough.

    Men on the other hand get the rubbish hand. Things women are attracted to in a man like confidence, social skill and understanding of (the game) are often seriously compromised in aspie men. An aspie guy who is physically decent looking (or good looking) may still find himself dateless if his Aspergers gets in the way enough. That situation is especially annoying as family, friends, co-workers and people around him will often not understand this and give him plenty of grief for his dateless status. Grief maybe just a ribbing way or the constant daily asking of "why are you still single..." I like to use the excuse "I just got off of death row, I'm in no hurry to get back on." I got out of a really bad relationship a few months back which I had been calling "death row" for years.

    For the OP's question. Sorry I do not know. I feel like I'm about the last guy in the world to be giving relationship advice. If you are in an abusive relationship, get the hell out. I know that much.