Is being manipulative becoming the norm?

[paloftoon]

Feels like manipulation is at an all time high with the pandemic. Not that people werent' this way before, but I feel like it's even more so.

If people want to get out of something, as if ghosting isn't bad enough, people can't be honest. They just fake talk or fake their interest and purposely treat one crappy.

I had a date I matched with virtually. We started having a good conversation. We each carry our own "weight". He purposely canceled and supposedly forgot about our phone call scheduled only one day later than we planned because he was "relaxing to a TV show" and he "might call later." "might" always means "never".

Earlier , I had another virtual date and we had one video call, and then we planned to meet but he flaked out on me last minute and said it was "too cold" and he refused to drive to me as he wasn't willing to have me over, but I was willing to havve him over if we met at the mall first. I was willing to wear layers and everything.

'==========

I also quit a "support" group I was in recently because I got the run around about setting up a date for the board game event, and then didn't have hosting privileges for the online meetup either.

Why are people so cruel?

 

[Thinx]

Well, at least you didn't invest any more time in these losers. Maybe it's a quicker way to learn they aren't your type? Sorry this happened to you, it's frustrating.

 

[Hylian]

I don't know if it's becoming more common for people to do this in general, but it seems like now people do expect stuff like this more from partners, and that they can get away with doing this to their own partners.

My last partner did this the entire time we were dating and it just got worse the longer it went on. We'd set up a time to call and he'd just not message me for awhile before it, and then a bit after the time be like "I fell asleep/My dad wanted me to do something/etc."

Eventually he admitted he was just lying to me and that he didn't want to tell me he didn't want to call. That's when I decided I couldn't handle trying to talk to him anymore and that I wanted a break from him. lmao

I honestly think if anyone notices behaviour like this they should just cut their losses, as they'd be dodging a bullet. No one deserves to be strung along like that by people who don't want to spend time with them. It's incredibly disrespectful behaviour.

 

[paloftoon]

I don't know if it's becoming more common for people to do this in general, but it seems like now people do expect stuff like this more from partners, and that they can get away with doing this to their own partners.

My last partner did this the entire time we were dating and it just got worse the longer it went on. We'd set up a time to call and he'd just not message me for awhile before it, and then a bit after the time be like "I fell asleep/My dad wanted me to do something/etc."

Eventually he admitted he was just lying to me and that he didn't want to tell me he didn't want to call. That's when I decided I couldn't handle trying to talk to him anymore and that I wanted a break from him. lmao

I honestly think if anyone notices behaviour like this they should just cut their losses, as they'd be dodging a bullet. No one deserves to be strung along like that by people who don't want to spend time with them. It's incredibly disrespectful behaviour.

It's been happening quite a bit lately. So I do have to take a step back and wonder if I'm doing something wrong. If I've contributed in some way. I have enough "umph" in me to know that their behavior is disgusting. Sure, things happen once in awhile, but if someone is constantly doing BS like this, then you just know.

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

Yes.

 

[Au Naturel]

For many people it has always been the norm. For as far back in time as we've had enough brain cells snapping to be manipulable.

People who manipulate are outstanding in their ability to find people who are vulnerable to being manipulated.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

For many people it has always been the norm. For as far back in time as we've had enough brain cells snapping to be manipulable.

People who manipulate are outstanding in their ability to find people who are vulnerable to being manipulated.

Agree. There are people who are sociopaths,...they act like this because they have been taught this. There are people who are psychopaths,...they act like this because they are naturally like this. Many leaders of people (business, politics, and religion) fit these personality profiles. Then,...there is good old fashioned neurotypical social behavior which thrives on a degree of dishonesty and deception, commonly known as "little white lies" that are often considered "polite" or "politically correct" so that feelings don't get hurt or so that the communication does not come off as "blunt" or "rude".

Personally,...all of that behavior, regardless of underlying causes or intent,...really just comes off as deceptive and makes me distrustful of the other person. Don't give me a relaxed smile and a calm voice and try to BS me.

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

If only people would explain fair and square what's practical for them. I feel suited when people are suiting themselves in the genuine sense and not contorting.

And if on the odd occasion they over-promised, what's so bad about clarifying? I have to do that. It's the song and the dance and pretending not to make a song and dance I can't stand.

Pandering to "my ego" which I haven't got - i.e flaunting theirs!

 

[MuiDylan]

If only people would explain fair and square what's practical for them. I feel suited when people are suiting themselves in the genuine sense and not contorting.

And if on the odd occasion they over-promised, what's so bad about clarifying? I have to do that. It's the song and the dance and pretending not to make a song and dance I can't stand.

Pandering to "my ego" which I haven't got - i.e flaunting theirs!

Manipulation causes problems in relationships