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Introduction: Hi, call me Elbereth

Elbereth

New Member
Hello, I was introduced to this forum by a friend and fellow self-id/pre-dx autist. I have strongly suspected I am autistic for a few years. Last year I got the guts to talk to my therapist about it, who went through the DSM-V criteria with me and confirmed I meet them, at least well enough to justify an assessment; however, my therapist is not qualified to diagnose and she told me that since I am female, married, working, and can mask, it would probably be a lot of trouble with no guarantee of a successful diagnosis. At the time that was pretty gutting to hear, because the impetus that led me to bring it up in the first place was the fact that my job was slowly killing me. I was having meltdowns after work an average of 2-3 days a week. I was Really Seriously Not Okay, but no one could see it except my spouse. By January of this year, I was so burned out that I was laying the groundwork to leave my job without a plan for the fourth time in my career, because I was desperate for some kind of reprieve from the constant masking requirements and overstimulation of the office environment. I even went so far as to disclose my suspicions to my boss in a last-ditch effort to engineer a workable situation (specifically, I wanted to work from home), but that got me nowhere (nowhere good, but also nowhere worse, at least. Boss was sympathetic but said he couldn't do anything besides let me work from home on a call-in basis, which was already allowed and was in fact a source of anxiety, because I felt like I was announcing my mental state to the whole team whenever I worked from home).

Then the pandemic happened and, in a monkey's-paw-curl kind of way I got what I wanted (working from home). Since then I've been in a sort of weird limbo. The more I read and research and reflect, the more convinced I am that I'm right about this, my loquaciousness and ability to use metaphor notwithstanding. My spouse is on the same page, and in fact suspected I'm autistic several years before I had an inkling (due to his having several autistic friends over the years who were open about the fact).

When the pandemic ends, I will probably make another, more firm attempt at securing a referral and assessment. At first I felt like the diagnosis wouldn't do anything for me, since it's not like there are any official supports available for autistic adults, diagnosed or not. The autistic community online is welcoming to self-identified autistics, and that fact has almost certainly saved my life because despite everything, I know my experiences are actually quite normal for undiagnosed autistic women.

But after a lot of processing, I've realized that I really do need to stop masking all the time. Not even just because it takes so much energy, although that too, but mainly because it's tearing my soul apart to feel like I have to choose constantly between being my natural self, and being socially accepted/holding down a job/pursuing my goals. I just want to be seen for who I actually am.

And I don't believe I will feel comfortable unmasking outside close family and friends without a diagnosis. If I am wrong, I don't want to harm the autistic community by misrepresenting autism. And if I'm right, that has profound implications for treating my mental health, which has been bad for so long I'm not sure what it's like to not have some level of perpetual anxiety.

This has gotten quite long and as usual I'm not sure how to tie it off, so I'll conclude by saying thank you for reading if you've made it this far, and thank you for giving me a place to process this stuff.
 
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Welcome. Yes, it is harder for women to get a dx. Did you see the post just put up by @FIVER ? I will repost it in case you missed it. I hope you find a lot of connections and information here :)

 
You made it here. Pajamas are allowed and donuts and coffee in the virtual lobby. Welcome.
 
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Welcome, and I hope this information helps you: (1) Find a mental health clinic that specializes in autistic screening,...they are much better at screening adult females than they were even 5 years ago. (2) In many countries, there are legal and employment protections, under the law, for those with autism. For that reason, alone, it is helpful to have a professional diagnosis on record. If an "event" happens at work or you have an interaction with law enforcement, you can't claim "autism" after the fact. (3) It is understood that autism does have some "crossover" with other "disabilities", so this idea of self-diagnosis is potentially fraught with error. (4) When you make your appointment for screening, have your information written down. For me, it was a list of some 175 itemized sensory issues, communication issues, behavior issues, thoughts, etc. Basically, it was my "You might be an autistic if..." list. (5) When you actually go for your testing,...be at your worst,...literally,...no masking (I know it's hard to shut it off),...weaned off of your "brain enhancing" supplements and medications, etc. If you go into that screening "acting" either neurotypical or autistic, a professional will likely see through the facade, but may also be confused enough to not give you the correct diagnosis,...be yourself,...be honest. (6) If you have a spouse, a dear friend, etc. that knows you very well and can be a valuable "character witness" this is helpful. When I went for my screening, my wife and I were separated,...she went for the interview with the psychologist while I went into another room for my battery of cognitive performance tests. (7) Expect several hours of cognitive performance testing, written testing, and an interview,...then,...several weeks later, a return interview with your test results and any potential diagnosis. The testing, is extremely valuable, regardless of diagnosis, as now you will have knowledge of your IQs in different areas, as well as, HOW you are autistic,...rather than simply that you ARE autistic.
 
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HI @Elbereth

Welcome to the Forums. THis is a good place to process your stuff, at the speed you want. Also a good place to listen to other's processing and see if that help you in your situation.
 
Welcome! Love your avatar - especially the headphones. I've really liked having mine since I got them.

At my work there's been similar challenges, and as one manager remarked, it was a "tragedy" that corporate was pretty much vetoing any and all requests for work from home, even when medical documentation was being provided, only for corporate to then, in the name of distancing, send the majority of staff to work from home on a moment's notice.

I've also found solace in the online community, though I didn't have the courage to join until months after I got my diagnosis - part of it was, I think, getting settled, before realizing that here, I'm "home."

For me as well, part of what lead me to not fully embrace things was wanting to be sure that it was ASD, and not something else (or perhaps combined with something else). I haven't formally disclosed* (HR knows but not my manager), but it's a great relief to know that if/when I feel ready, that I do have a paper to back it up with.
 
Hello Elbereth!

Love the name, BTW! I'm a fan of Tolkein, and the name reminds me of his work...

Anyways, welcome to the forum! I hope you find the clarity in your life... Being honest about who you are, if only to your close family and friends, allows your soul to grow... Starting with yourself first, which I think that you coming here and opening up is tremendous and brave, is the first step... Good luck on your journey of self discovery! :D
 
Hello Elbereth and welcome to the forum, we welcome self diagnosed and officially diagnosed people here.
It's good you plucked up the courage to ask your therapist who confirmed I meet enough criteria to justify an assessment.
I had a failed diagnoses because I was foolish enough to go on drugs, but 5 years later my shrink thankfully wrote to them again, and a reassessment got me an Asperger's diagnosis.
I don't know where you are from but being female, married, working, and masking shouldn't block an assessment. I told my assessor I masked and it seemed to add to the evidence that I am an aspie.
I wouldn't let it put you off if you want a diagnosis.

If your job is slowly killing you, maybe you are in the wrong job, work should match your talents and interests, not just a job for the money.

Meltdowns at the worst can be a safety risk.
I worked in an office, you can get on the right path by asking yourself what your passions are, you will be amazed at how life opens doors for you once you set concrete plans to work at what you love.

In the meantime, maybe, (should-be) in my opinion, an official diagnosis would possibly get your Boss to make reasonable adjustments so you are able to work without meltdowns.

The times I came home and had meltdowns because of work
:(

I hope you can find some happy place wrt your work.


You seem good with words online.

It's good your spouse is on board with you.

You can secure an assessment during the pandemic, mine was done over video online.

No there doesn't seem much support for autistics in the UK unless I am ignorant of them. I am glad you find the online environment helpful with your self diagnosed autism.

I masked, it is self deception. To thine own self be true. Wise words, masking can make us forget who we are which can attract identity issues.
Anyone who doesn't accept the real you is not worth being in your circle.

I would go for that diagnosis. If you are wrong, I, for one, won't feel harmed as a member of the autistic community.
If you feel it in your gut you should take notice of your gut instinct.

Had I of known I was aspie a couple of decades ago, I could have dispensed with mental health services and left them to people with mental illnesses.

You are welcome, process on here any time you like.
 
Welcome.

I was diagnosed during the pandemic--it was simply a video conference call. I would not let the pandemic stop from seeking a diagnosis. It will take a while anyway. My appointment was scheduled five months in advance. The tricky thing was to find a doc that could diagnose an adult.
 
Welcome.

I was diagnosed during the pandemic--it was simply a video conference call. I would not let the pandemic stop from seeking a diagnosis. It will take a while anyway. My appointment was scheduled five months in advance. The tricky thing was to find a doc that could diagnose an adult.
Me too, I was diagnosed on a video call and got a confirmation letter.
The pandemic was the reason for the video call due to social distancing, yet the assessor could see me.
I am 54 in the tiny itty bitty little britty UK, so I shouldn't think it too hard to get diagnosed as an adult. Best of luck.
 
Hi and welcome. I'm self diagnosed. As well as deciding if you want to pursue diagnosis, you can maybe think about what work would suit you better? Unless you are able to continue working from home after the pandemic? In the end you will need strategies, a diagnosis doesn't solve the problems associated with autism, so whatever those are for you, still need thinking through and working on.

It sounds like you have started on this process, that should help your anxiety to gradually lessen.

I hope you enjoy it here and find it useful and supportive.

:shavedice::grapes::shortcake::cherries::cookie::strawberry::icecreamcone::watermelon:
 
I've thought for about five years that I was probably Aspergers's/HFA, eventually self tested positive, but I was working so never pursued a diagnosis, plus they aren't cheap to get...

When I became unemployed in January of this year, I was assessed for free through a gov't program and confirmed as HFA 1 in June...

I was able to conduct the assessment in person, with precautions for Covid, it was just two of us in the office... And I'm in my late 40's so a little late to the game... :)
 
Hi and welcome!

I wasn't diagnosed until 2015 and I'm now 63.
My Mom had died and I had never lived away from home so I was in a bad situation.
Already on a small SSI and Social Security diability as income source, I was receiving grief
counseling at home through my insurance.
The counselor was knowledgable and finally ended one day telling me she felt it was not just complicated
grief. She said she thought the problem was Asperger's and advised me to get assessed.
Fortunately there is an autism psychology group where I live and I was diagnosed for free
also through the government.

I'm glad I found out. I knew nothing about ASD at that time, but, since then I've studied and
had regular therapy. I'm finally learning more and more about my history, life and the problems
I've encountered through out.

I've been on this forum ever since and I hope you can use it to help you sort out a lot about yourself too.
 
Thank you everyone for your kind and informative replies ❤️ I am actually a little overwhelmed by the response. I feel very welcome
 

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