Interesting video for those heterosexual males struggling to find a girlfriend. A woman's point of view.

[Neonatal RRT]

One of the more profound, insightful perspectives on the topic of heterosexual relationships from a woman
was a reaction video on youtube, by JustPearlyThings. She reacted to some woman talking about the raw
attractive power all men have.

Unfortunately, the video itself uses NSFW language that
isn't allowed on this forum.

 

[Forest Cat]

I got to the 8 minute mark and then I started to drift off and looked over at the tv. lol I'm a guy, if guys were to make a similar video it would be 20 seconds long and much simpler. I'm joking a little, but it became a little hard to follow, losing track of what they are talking about.

 

[Outdated]

I found the video a quite long winded way of saying things that to many of us are very obvious. But perhaps it's an eye opener to others.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I found the video a quite long winded way of saying things that to many of us are very obvious. But perhaps it's an eye opener to others.

I thought it may be a useful perspective, especially for our younger members who are quite concerned about their struggles with the opposite sex. Some of our young members are quite frustrated, often with themselves, "beating themselves up" with thoughts that they might not be "worthy" of a partner. The point here in this video is to suggest, that in some interactions, it might not be about them, but rather the other person. Furthermore, to understand too, that in some circumstances, a young man may actually be seen as attractive to the woman, but the woman might not outwardly give off those signals. In this situation, the man may have a sense that the woman is "rejecting" him, when in fact, it is quite the opposite.

I was lucky enough to find a partner very early in my life. As an autistic, I have zero understanding of my wife, even after some 37 years with her. I have no idea what she is thinking.

Personally, I posted this video mainly because much of what was said was an eye opener for myself, and thought others may find this perspective quite interesting. In other words, NONE of what was said was obvious to me.

 

[Magna]

There are a lot of women who are haters of the woman in that video. She's exploded in popularity in the last year or less and has gained hundreds of thousands of subscribers on Youtube each month. A lot of women are haters of her because she routinely maintains an opinion that the majority of young modern women are delusional in their thinking about their objective beauty and their value in the dating "marketplace" and that most will be destined for a life of singledom and loneliness as a result of their behaviors. So much so, that if the current trajectory of how the dating marketplace has become toxic and misrepresentative of reality due to online dating continues it's not an exaggeration to say that those who have a concern of over-population will have nothing to worry about in future generations.

I believe she's an American who lives in London and she has very interesting discussion panels comprised of both men and women.

 

[vlados]

That is an interesting discussion topic. Curious at identifying what are the typical and autistic perspectives on those. I am making my first steps at understanding typical-autistic gender interactions and cannot be certain on how it actually manifests for me and others. Thank you for sharing your Quotient scores, as some of those I was not aware about. I have a zero understanding of my wife, that struggles me. Always on the guard and with question: " what are you thinking? Could you signal me your thoughts, I am scared, feel like I am watched by you seeking some response from me^?"

 

[1ForAll]

This video was extremely simple for me to understand. I'll explain what they said in more clear, direct and less chit chatty ways. They basically said: 'Each woman will have several preferences/ needs in a guy for a relationship. We are not going to tell the guys what we want as then that gives them power over us in the relationship or as it may encourage deception from them to please us. So, be yourself. If we find you sincere and you have some or most of what we want, then we will give you at least a little chance or want to see more. The more traits we desire or need and see you have, the less we may resist your attempts. Attraction may become more over time if our initial positive feelings become stronger and not less, from you being you. If we reject you, it does not mean we do not see you as still attractive as a guy, but we need more.'

 

[Slime_Punk]

With their pickiness (those two women, not all women), it's no wonder why so many guys are having trouble. I guess if you do one wrong thing, it's basically game over. Even the subtle things count.

Personally, I just go for the ones who aren't picky so I don't have to play that stupid game, because I'm not all that picky about superficial stuff either. True connection goes way beyond those things, at least for me.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

There are a lot of women who are haters of the woman in that video. She's exploded in popularity in the last year or less and has gained hundreds of thousands of subscribers on Youtube each month. A lot of women are haters of her because she routinely maintains an opinion that the majority of young modern women are delusional in their thinking about their objective beauty and their value in the dating "marketplace" and that most will be destined for a life of singledom and loneliness as a result of their behaviors. I believe she's an American who lives in London and she has very interesting discussion panels comprised of both men and women.

I think it is good to have women calling out women on their nonsense every bit as much as men calling men out on their nonsense. As you suggest, she's exploded in popularity and has gained hundreds of thousands of subscribers each month for a darn good reason. What she says, discusses with panel members, and points out often makes practical sense. Clearly, the popularity is due to a need for people to speak openly about these topics and pointing out how some of our more recent cultural and social ideas may be making us, men and women, unhappy and unsatisfied.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

With their pickiness (those two women, not all women), it's no wonder why so many guys are having trouble. I guess if you do one wrong thing, it's basically game over. Even the subtle things count.

Personally, I just go for the ones who aren't picky so I don't have to play that stupid game, because I'm not all that picky about superficial stuff either. True connection goes way beyond those things, at least for me.

I typically try to avoid generalizations, but I would agree with you on this topic. All I can say is that with my experience working closely with a 90+% female staff for over 35 years in a 2000+ bed metropolitan hospital, plus all the females in my life, I swim in the estrogen ocean. I've never met a female who wasn't "picky". I deal with this characteristic literally every moment of my life at work and at home. You just have to "roll with it" and when in doubt, communicate.

That doesn't mean that you have to allow anyone to run over you. Certainly, don't be an emotional "doormat". At some level, you have to project some inner strength in order to receive respect from others. So when it comes to the topic of "pickiness", we can communicate, discuss, and disagree. I can be agreeable or disagreeable when the moments present themselves.

Let the comments begin.

 

[Rodafina]

So many head games going on here.

These are two valid experiences in the world, but these women do not describe me at all.

Perhaps it will be helpful to some, but keep in mind that the generalizations are too broad and do not pertain to all of us.

The fact that it started out saying that men’s experiences and women’s experiences at strip clubs will be different was inane an absurd.

I highly disagree with their perspectives, but I am just one woman in the world, so my experience is not generalizable either.

 

[vlados]

So many head games going on here.

These are two valid experiences in the world, but these women do not describe me at all.

Perhaps it will be helpful to some, but keep in mind that the generalizations are too broad and do not pertain to all of us.

The fact that it started out saying that men’s experiences and women’s experiences at strip clubs will be different was inane an absurd.

I highly disagree with their perspectives, but I am just one woman in the world, so my experience is not generalizable either.

Absolutely agree on generalisation. I must say that this is wrong to even assume all men are able to feel attractiveness without knowing some personal intro about a woman. Some can struggle at feeling arousal just from observing physical characteristics.

 

[Forest Cat]

So many head games going on here.

These are two valid experiences in the world, but these women do not describe me at all.

I was thinking about that, this is two women in a youtube video. So it's two peoples opinions. I'm not sure if that tells us much about women in general.

 

[Magna]

Generalizing should acknowledge exceptions to the rule but not lose sight of the fact that exceptions are...exceptions (ie not the norm). There are always exceptions to the rule when it comes to human behavior (thankfully, except when the behavior is damaging, dangerous, violent, etc). However, it's also important to note that from what I've seen in the last few years on social media and "debates", exceptions are often touted as a reason for completely discounting and invalidating generalizations, which is not only ridiculous, it can also be dangerous.

Here's a loose example to illustrate:

Generally, long term tobacco usage is detrimental to the health of people who smoke. That's a fact. MOST people sustain deleterious health effects from the behavior. Is that generalization stating that ALL people will experience deleterious effects from smoking? No. There are some exceptions that occur (very few). Imagine someone arguing that because there are some exceptions to that rule, the generalization isn't valid and shouldn't be proper.

It could be said that generalizing is a necessary, important and valid means of calculating, quantifying, identifying, analyzing and reacting to or not reacting to threats to people as a whole and therefore to our species. The error is both in not acknowledging the exceptions and discounting the validity of the generalizations because the exceptions exist.

You see this play out a lot on these Youtube channel group discussions around this topic of dating. The moderator will state a factual generalization such as most women want a man that is at least 6 feet tall or if not, at least taller than they are (fact supported by data). It's common for a woman on the panel to say something like: "I don't believe that because I personally have dated guys shorter than me and I'm fine with it." She's an exception to the rule but in no way does the exception invalidate the generality.

 

[1ForAll]

Generalizing doesn't include exceptions to the rule. There are always exceptions to the rule when it comes to human behavior (thankfully). However, it's also important to note that from what I've seen in the last few years on social media and "debates", exceptions are often touted as a reason for completely discounting and invalidating generalizations, which is not only ridiculous, it can also be dangerous.

Here's a loose example to illustrate:

Generally, long term tobacco usage is detrimental to the health of people who smoke. That's a fact. MOST people sustain deleterious health effects from the behavior. Is that generalization stating that ALL people will experience deleterious effects from smoking? No. There are some exceptions that occur (very few). Imagine someone arguing that because there are some exceptions to that rule, the generalization isn't valid and shouldn't be proper.

It could be said that generalizing is a necessary, important and valid means of calculating, quantifying, identifying, analyzing and reacting to threats to people as a whole and therefore to our species. The error is both in not acknowledging the exceptions and discounting the validity of the generalizations because the exceptions exist.

I personally thought what they said was consistent to what my general perceptions of typical women were. Nothing they said came across as not true or off the mark to what I generally believed. Of course there will be exceptions, but what they said I felt was a sincere attempt to explain much of their gender and how women think when it comes to potential boyfriends, etc. They were not trying to elevate themselves or demean guys, but state things in the best ways they could to assist potential guys in knowing more about the typical woman. I hate to say it, but I did not learn much from what they said, like another poster said, as they were stating the obvious, and as I look deeper than what appears, but many others who do not understand other genders well could be helped by such information, as most women do not advertise to guys all they are thinking and feeling inside when it comes to dating, their desires and needs. However, that is the one problem I have there. Women may want the guys to be honest about who they are and what they want in another, thus risking them (the guys) to more rejection if it went against their (the women's) desires, views and needs, but they themselves, the women, feel they do not want to advertise the same to potential partners, thinking it could push the guy away if the others knew the real truth(s.)

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

While it is interesting, I wish I knew some of that 52 years ago. But, not understanding social communication it would not have helped me. I never felt noticed or wanted and that is probably not the truth of what was happening. I did not feel like a sexual being. I was fortunate to be attractive to my future spouse. My energy came from my skill in the outdoors.

 

[Lysholm]

So, the video says all men and women have attractive power...but at the end of the day that power only flows one way. That's, like, the first thing I learned.

IMO, all hetero guys need to get that first "win" before they can forge a healthy perspective on rejection. If they don't they drift farther and farther away from their real self trying to become un-rejectable. But no one wants their fake self, so it's a fools errand. D'oh!

I do have one gripe with the host, though: she says she needs a tall guy because she's six feet tall, almost like it's a given. I'm here like: excuse me, but I like women who are taller than me. Pfft, your loss.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

So many head games going on here.

These are two valid experiences in the world, but these women do not describe me at all.

Perhaps it will be helpful to some, but keep in mind that the generalizations are too broad and do not pertain to all of us.

The fact that it started out saying that men’s experiences and women’s experiences at strip clubs will be different was inane an absurd.

I highly disagree with their perspectives, but I am just one woman in the world, so my experience is not generalizable either.

Yes. A lot of head games. Part of the point of the video. Part of my point for pointing it out to the many frustrated and confused heterosexual men on this forum who are getting down on themselves, thinking it is always about them, when it may not be.

Yes. These are two experiences, and may not describe you at all. Is that because you are autistic? Are these "head games" more attributable to neurotypical females? As I suggested in an earlier post, I am surrounded by women, hundreds per day, many of which use me as a "listening post" because I am their "guy friend". Decades of this environment. That said, despite the risks of generalizing, there are some consistencies with my experiences and what they are bringing up in the video.

I am thinking that the woman using the strip club reference was actually "on point". I don't have personal experience with strip clubs, I have only seen a few videos, at least in that small sample, it would be consistent and mostly true. Even with the topic of how men and women view porn, I am inclined to believe there is a difference in the subject and situational matter from a psychological perspective. I think there is some bit of truth to her statements.

What the women said, at least from my perspective, as a male, actually described my experience pretty well. I thought the video may be helpful in some way.

 

[Rodafina]

These are two experiences, and may not describe you at all. Is that because you are autistic? Are these "head games" more attributable to neurotypical females?

This is what I was thinking. It did seem like a very neurotypical approach to the matter (not saying that isn’t useful to consider).

What the women said, at least from my perspective, as a male, actually described my experience pretty well. I thought the video may be helpful in some way

I do think it may be helpful and it was relevant to post it.

---

I believe what they say may help men here, but it is also important to consider that men here may be better suited to try to date an autistic woman. Or at least to try for the “exception to the rule.”

In a neurotypical approach, not only do these head games exist throughout the process of initial attraction, but they will also exist in maintaining the relationship. It can get very difficult if both parties do not know how to speak the same language. I know that many men here have done that successfully, but it does take a great deal of work and learning.

My problem with the strip club opening was that they were comparing heterosexual women and heterosexual men who were both looking at women who are strippers. Of course they would have different experiences. In my opinion, they should have compared the experiences heterosexual men have looking at women and the experiences that heterosexual women have looking at men.

 

[Markness]

I haven’t watched the video yet. Is she empathetic to men like me or thinks we are losers who need to become “Alpha Males” or stay single?

My biggest struggle is making friends with women who have common interests and values with me. A lot of women in the crummy culture I live in tend to disregard anything “nerdy/geeky” as well as rock music and expect a man to be a “proud Christian.”