1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

I'm not emotionally attached to ideas

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by William Weiler, Oct 11, 2020.

  1. William Weiler

    William Weiler Ad Astra V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    145
    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2020
    Karma:
    +252
    Other people clearly are though. If I bring in a new opinion or perspective they can get angry (perceive a threat). I think it is a superpower because it anchors me in reality and I make better informed decisions. I easily discard ideas that don't work for ones that do. I offer out of the box solutions at work that no one is comfortable with, yet they turn to my idea and use it when everything they have tried has failed. I don't say I told you so but I sure think it.
     
    • Like Like x 3
    • Winner Winner x 1
  2. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    636
    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2020
    Karma:
    +1,057
    This is i think a common theme for N/D people as we see things differently and find alternative solutions to problems often leading to new thinking and discovery, that 'different' vision of things may be ignored and then either used as the solution or as what's happened to myself at times in life taken by others and presented as their own.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    431
    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2020
    Karma:
    +290
    Many people act differently when something is wrong or they're up to no good because of how their emotions affect their behavior. I think that's why people have a general aversion to anything that is different, whether it's people or ideas.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  4. menander

    menander Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    555
    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2020
    Karma:
    +1,130
    Yes. And now it's exacerbated. I find that I am not even allowed not to take sides. Silence leads to a look and then a "Oh---you are on THEIR side!" Not sure where you live but what I see now is everyone has the attitude, "If you are not for us, you are against us!"
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  5. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    25,545
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Karma:
    +33,619
    Indeed. When ideas and ideals eventually wane and must either be amended or discarded. Yet too many are willing to covet an ideal unconditionally- even permanently and bundle it with other concepts.

    A flawed thought process IMO, yet so many gravitate towards it as if it were a virtue.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  6. VictorR

    VictorR Random Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    650
    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2020
    Karma:
    +1,027
    Yep. I've seen many a committee torn apart because someone was stuck with their idea and was unwilling to even try to look at the alternatives, let alone attempt to compromise.
     
  7. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

    Messages:
    1,062
    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2019
    Karma:
    +2,186
    A superpower that is also a curse. Useful in technical fields but not at a party. At this point in my life, I've decided that I'd much rather have an exciting life with lots of friends than to be correct. I wish I could but even if I put my opinions and beliefs on silent, I still can't do the social thing.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  8. William Weiler

    William Weiler Ad Astra V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    145
    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2020
    Karma:
    +252
    Wow, an extrovert. Yeah, that is the way for sure, no doubt. I don't like parties but I see people look forward and rush off as soon as they can for one. They clearly love them and enjoy them. I can even get vicarious enjoyment from them. Self restraint can be learned. I am not out of the woods. My online courses all require me to remain -what feels like to me but is actually not - somewhat superficial. At customer meetings too. Just not at home with friends. I will say this though, a child at school receiving ABA will know he is different, and conclude there is something wrong with him. It has to be counter-balanced with assurances it is okay to be the way he is. I see parents miss this and not notice what impact ABA has to his view of himself, or even ignore it in a kind of denial, or over emphasize fitting in. My parents felt being accepted is a needed external validation of self-worth. I am glad mine comes from within.
     
  9. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

    Messages:
    1,062
    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2019
    Karma:
    +2,186
    One thing I learned about parties...

    If an Aspie would go to a party, go to a party put on by an organization with similar interests to their own. A college science fiction club. The Gilbert and Sullivan opereta group I was a part of. A photography club. LA Mensa used to have some nice home parties and they even were accepting of this odd guy skinnydipping in the pool. (I think there are a lot of Aspies in Mensa.) Sadly, Mensa in my area seems to have shrunk greatly since the turn of the century.

    These parties never feature loud music, heavy drinking, dancing, or bright lights. OTOH there's always a ready topic for conversation. A Frat party would go to the opposite extreme. Avoid them if you value your sanity and dignity.

    The best time at these partes are usually later in the evening. The socials are gone for the next party. Everyone is a little fatigued, maybe slightly tipsy, so the defenses are down. They are more honest and less judgmental at that time.

    You'll have time to figure out how to fit in. That's important. I'll start out the event very quiet. If I talk with anyone it will be someone who split off from the group. A person who comes to a party and then wanders off alone may be experiencing the same stress I am. Aha! Common interest. Or they may be feeling introverted at the moment so give them their space.

    Later in the evening I'm more willing to approach people. I just feel more comfortable having been around them for a while. Met my wife at my landlady's birthday party. They were cousins. The group was a combination of science fiction and wargaming people. People I could relate to.

    If you meet the same people over and over at similar parties and they don't reject you, slowly you can start to unmask and maybe even throw your own party with people who have accepted you.
     
  10. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    5,007
    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2018
    Karma:
    +10,590
    Exactly.
     
  11. William Weiler

    William Weiler Ad Astra V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    145
    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2020
    Karma:
    +252
    I kind of find you advanced. Yesterday I swept my driveway and then did my neighbors driveway to see how it looked. He invited me over for barbecue. It was simple food but I really liked it and had a great time. Today my other neighbor came over and asked me if I could pull out the audio plug his son had sheared off inside his iPad. I used a special tool I had. His son came over a little while later and gave me this picture. It is what he sees me do, mostly with my son. In the upper left is my son smashing pumpkins next to my toolbox. Below is me working out with a barbell and holding a carrot? Maybe a torch? There is the sword fight I had with cardboard/styofoam/duct tape swords (mine was an battle hammer, very effective).

     
    • Winner Winner x 1
  12. Barymore

    Barymore nevertheless, she persisted V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    200
    Joined:
    May 15, 2020
    Karma:
    +355
    I agree that our objectivity and ability to make factual connections is a superpower. However, our species, like most animal species „runs“ to a large extent on emotions. Ignoring this can miss an important aspect of things. Emotions, like many things (pain response, reflective thought etc) have both advantages and disadvantages. The fact that NT people can at times be blinded or made inefficient by emotional aspects does not remove the fundamental nature and value of them. I dont believe we would be better of ignoring the emotional aspects of decisions. Does that even make sense?
     
  13. William Weiler

    William Weiler Ad Astra V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    145
    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2020
    Karma:
    +252
    No, beautifully said. I don't think the mind and will are in charge. There is too much going on in the brain. Addiction shows the pleasure center (well, more than that) can control the will and thinking. That when panicking, the brain stem (I guess it's that) shuts down the thinking to prioritize flight. Emotion is the motion. We can do nothing without it. I even believe the thinking mind is in service of the emotions. I ask what do you want, the four commodities, love, protection, approval, and attention? There is so much more there.
     
  14. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

    Messages:
    1,062
    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2019
    Karma:
    +2,186
    That's sweet! It reminds me of the pictures I used to get when I was a substitute teacher.
     
  15. Barymore

    Barymore nevertheless, she persisted V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    200
    Joined:
    May 15, 2020
    Karma:
    +355