Toasted T Cake
New Member
Hello everyone
I am fairly new here and this is the first post I have done. There is so much I could say but not sure how to approach it so I will just keep it short.
I am a female in my 40’s. I have not been officially diagnosed yet. I am looking into finding someone that isn’t too expensive. After looking into autism recently and doing some of the online tests I have come to the conclusion that it is highly likely I am autistic but have been masking for most of my life. Everything just adds up and makes so much sense. Looking back at my childhood there were signs of it but no one picked up on it. Mother would say ‘she won’t talk, she’s just shy’, I never made eye contact as a child. I forced myself to make eye contact as an adult as I knew that’s what other people did but it is so hard. I have social anxiety so bad that I don’t even like going outside much anymore. Going to a restaurant should be a pleasant experience but for me its terrifying.
I have been bullied for how I am by family and work colleagues. I look so out of place anywhere I go that people look at me and sometimes I have had people laugh and say some nasty things to me. Social anxiety is so bad I can’t even move my face muscles to smile.
It seems like I have always been playing pretend every time I am with other people because I do not know how to act or where to put my hands or how long to hold eye contact etc so I try to do what I see other people do.
I just thought I was bad at just being a person and couldn’t work out why I can’t be like other people. I had a traumatic childhood physically and mentally abused by my mother and sister. I believe my mother did not bother to take me to a doctor to figure out what was wrong with me because she was scared someone would find out what was happening at home/scared I would spill the beans on the abuse.
I don’t have contact with my mum and sister anymore. I am just trying to get through life.
If I am officially diagnosed with autism it would be a sigh of relief that there is a reason why I am the way I am.
I am fairly new here and this is the first post I have done. There is so much I could say but not sure how to approach it so I will just keep it short.
I am a female in my 40’s. I have not been officially diagnosed yet. I am looking into finding someone that isn’t too expensive. After looking into autism recently and doing some of the online tests I have come to the conclusion that it is highly likely I am autistic but have been masking for most of my life. Everything just adds up and makes so much sense. Looking back at my childhood there were signs of it but no one picked up on it. Mother would say ‘she won’t talk, she’s just shy’, I never made eye contact as a child. I forced myself to make eye contact as an adult as I knew that’s what other people did but it is so hard. I have social anxiety so bad that I don’t even like going outside much anymore. Going to a restaurant should be a pleasant experience but for me its terrifying.
I have been bullied for how I am by family and work colleagues. I look so out of place anywhere I go that people look at me and sometimes I have had people laugh and say some nasty things to me. Social anxiety is so bad I can’t even move my face muscles to smile.
It seems like I have always been playing pretend every time I am with other people because I do not know how to act or where to put my hands or how long to hold eye contact etc so I try to do what I see other people do.
I just thought I was bad at just being a person and couldn’t work out why I can’t be like other people. I had a traumatic childhood physically and mentally abused by my mother and sister. I believe my mother did not bother to take me to a doctor to figure out what was wrong with me because she was scared someone would find out what was happening at home/scared I would spill the beans on the abuse.
I don’t have contact with my mum and sister anymore. I am just trying to get through life.
If I am officially diagnosed with autism it would be a sigh of relief that there is a reason why I am the way I am.