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I’m new here. Hello to all.

Toasted T Cake

New Member
Hello everyone

I am fairly new here and this is the first post I have done. There is so much I could say but not sure how to approach it so I will just keep it short.

I am a female in my 40’s. I have not been officially diagnosed yet. I am looking into finding someone that isn’t too expensive. After looking into autism recently and doing some of the online tests I have come to the conclusion that it is highly likely I am autistic but have been masking for most of my life. Everything just adds up and makes so much sense. Looking back at my childhood there were signs of it but no one picked up on it. Mother would say ‘she won’t talk, she’s just shy’, I never made eye contact as a child. I forced myself to make eye contact as an adult as I knew that’s what other people did but it is so hard. I have social anxiety so bad that I don’t even like going outside much anymore. Going to a restaurant should be a pleasant experience but for me its terrifying.

I have been bullied for how I am by family and work colleagues. I look so out of place anywhere I go that people look at me and sometimes I have had people laugh and say some nasty things to me. Social anxiety is so bad I can’t even move my face muscles to smile.

It seems like I have always been playing pretend every time I am with other people because I do not know how to act or where to put my hands or how long to hold eye contact etc so I try to do what I see other people do.

I just thought I was bad at just being a person and couldn’t work out why I can’t be like other people. I had a traumatic childhood physically and mentally abused by my mother and sister. I believe my mother did not bother to take me to a doctor to figure out what was wrong with me because she was scared someone would find out what was happening at home/scared I would spill the beans on the abuse.

I don’t have contact with my mum and sister anymore. I am just trying to get through life.

If I am officially diagnosed with autism it would be a sigh of relief that there is a reason why I am the way I am.
 

tree

Blue/Green
Staff member
V.I.P Member
1669145286012.png
 

Alexej

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
HI and Welcome @Toasted T Cake

Love your handle because I love toasted tea cakes - with jam

Do hang around a bit and get to know us - there is a lot of good in the older threads so do have a look there.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Welcome @Toasted T Cake. Being in your 40s you are right on the edge of time when ASD was generally being recognized, though there was little consensus about it and assistance was still geared towards more profound learning difficulties. For me, diagnosed at 60, people could see my social dysfunction but wrote it off as a choice. So much hurt could have been avoided had I received appropriate help. But, that is the past and I was able to make changes to be the best ND person I could be.

I wish you all the best on your journey.
 

1ForAll

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
SA
Hello everyone

I am fairly new here and this is the first post I have done. There is so much I could say but not sure how to approach it so I will just keep it short.

I am a female in my 40’s. I have not been officially diagnosed yet. I am looking into finding someone that isn’t too expensive. After looking into autism recently and doing some of the online tests I have come to the conclusion that it is highly likely I am autistic but have been masking for most of my life. Everything just adds up and makes so much sense. Looking back at my childhood there were signs of it but no one picked up on it. Mother would say ‘she won’t talk, she’s just shy’, I never made eye contact as a child. I forced myself to make eye contact as an adult as I knew that’s what other people did but it is so hard. I have social anxiety so bad that I don’t even like going outside much anymore. Going to a restaurant should be a pleasant experience but for me its terrifying.

I have been bullied for how I am by family and work colleagues. I look so out of place anywhere I go that people look at me and sometimes I have had people laugh and say some nasty things to me. Social anxiety is so bad I can’t even move my face muscles to smile.

It seems like I have always been playing pretend every time I am with other people because I do not know how to act or where to put my hands or how long to hold eye contact etc so I try to do what I see other people do.

I just thought I was bad at just being a person and couldn’t work out why I can’t be like other people. I had a traumatic childhood physically and mentally abused by my mother and sister. I believe my mother did not bother to take me to a doctor to figure out what was wrong with me because she was scared someone would find out what was happening at home/scared I would spill the beans on the abuse.

I don’t have contact with my mum and sister anymore. I am just trying to get through life.

If I am officially diagnosed with autism it would be a sigh of relief that there is a reason why I am the way I am.
Welcome to the forum! Same here regarding most all that you said. I was abnormally shy and extremely socially anxious and had averted eyes, too. In my case, I also spoke briefly with wavering voice, often with head looking down or away. Like you, I did not know how to fit in (through my thirties especially) as I would not be believed if I pretended such, as it was not natural and impossible for me to change my social skills, postures, mannerisms and expressions to what they would think was appropriate. Also, I grew up with an abusive older sister and parents, all of whom never wanted us to see a doctor, and I avoided all public places with persons as much as I could because of feeling and looking so different, and as I was/am an introvert who gets stressed out with contacts with those I cannot trust.

For me, it was very low self-esteem related, and possibly Autism related too, though from my twenties to forties I was diagnosed just with Social Anxiety Disorder, AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder), Social Phobia and OCD. Our kids definitely have Autism, and as they were diagnosed with that by many, but could have gotten it from me or my wife's side, as they have lots of Autism traits there, especially my wife's mother, with my wife having ADHD, for her executive functioning issues, and PTSD for her trauma issues from where she grew up. Anyway, I am sorry you had to go through all that too, and now. I hope things will get better for you. You found the right place for support, and to learn more. Many persons here do feel relief with a diagnosis, whereas others feel worse. In my case, I focus on just being me, and being my best there.
 
Last edited:

Thinx

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Hi and welcome, I hope it will be a bit easier for you through understanding that you have a different neurology, and as such you just have a different 'normal'. It always makes me think of that ugly duckling song, where he turns out to be a Swan, in fact. We may be dysfunctional neurotypicals, but we are fine in our own way. Unfortunately we are often confused or distressed by neurotypical social norms that don't suit us.

I am sorry to hear about the abuse you suffered in your family. It's good that you are here, and sounds like you have found some answers.
 

Toasted T Cake

New Member
SA

Welcome to the forum! Same here regarding most all that you said. I was abnormally shy and extremely socially anxious and had averted eyes, too. In my case, I also spoke briefly with wavering voice, often with head looking down or away. Like you, I did not know how to fit in (through my thirties especially) as I would not be believed if I pretended such, as it was not natural and impossible for me to change my social skills, postures, mannerisms and expressions to what they would think was appropriate. Also, I grew up with an abusive older sister and parents, all of whom never wanted us to see a doctor, and I avoided all public places with persons as much as I could because of feeling and looking so different, and as I was/am an introvert who gets stressed out with contacts with those I cannot trust.

For me, it was very low self-esteem related, and possibly Autism related too, though from my twenties to forties I was diagnosed just with Social Anxiety Disorder, AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder), Social Phobia and OCD. Our kids definitely have Autism, and as they were diagnosed with that by many, but could have gotten it from me or my wife's side, as they have lots of Autism traits there, especially my wife's mother, with my wife having ADHD, for her executive functioning issues, and PTSD for her trauma issues from where she grew up. Anyway, I am sorry you had to go through all that too, and now. I hope things will get better for you. You found the right place for support, and to learn more. Many persons here do feel relief with a diagnosis, whereas others feel worse. In my case, I focus on just being me, and being my best there.
Thank you for your comments. I can certainly relate to some of the things you mentioned about yourself. I am very thankful to have a husband who is very supportive. I was diagnosed with social anxiety in my mid 20’s but I know it’s more than just that.
 

Toasted T Cake

New Member
Welcome @Toasted T Cake. Being in your 40s you are right on the edge of time when ASD was generally being recognized, though there was little consensus about it and assistance was still geared towards more profound learning difficulties. For me, diagnosed at 60, people could see my social dysfunction but wrote it off as a choice. So much hurt could have been avoided had I received appropriate help. But, that is the past and I was able to make changes to be the best ND person I could be.

I wish you all the best on your journey.
Healthcare in respect to autism has come further and more known about it than in my day and I am happy about that.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Healthcare in respect to autism has come further and more known about it than in my day and I am happy about that.
So right. For the past year I have had a counselor guiding me through my PTSD from earlier social isolation. I am making progress with the technique she uses; Cognitive Processing Therapy.
 

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