Hi,
I have Asperger's and my weirdness in uncomfortable situations has created so many issues that my wife seems ready to leave me. Picture as an outside observer the following: a man talking to a woman in a bar that he knows, not near his wife, not calling his wife over, and not introducing his wife. Picture: A man sending a package to some woman without his wife's knowledge. Picture: A man being invited to a gathering via facebook messenger from a girl to whom he was attracted. The man's friends are also invited and keep asking if he is going. He keeps responding with wishy washy answers like "Maybe", "I have to see", "I don't know" and "I'm not really sure." Picture: A man goes to a bar during a vacation. The next day, someone else at the bar mentions a drunk girl. The man acts weird. When questioned by the wife of why the drunk girl isn't mentioned, the immediate answer is "I don't know." After repeated questioning, the man states that the drunk girl was flirting.
This all sounds pretty bad, and I am the man in all of these situations. My weird uncomfortable reactions make it seem like something is up.
Talking to the woman in the bar was a situation where I have seen her plenty of times at my friend's house. But there were always a lot of people there (over 20). My memory is good, but I couldn't remember her name other than that it started with a "V." I felt like I had encountered her too many times to say that I forgot her name, and too many times to not say hello. I also internally freaked out and felt I could not introduce my wife without knowing her name. So my reaction makes it seem to everyone else looking like something is going on with me and this woman.
With the package, I am looking through facebook and see a kid's birthday party with a chess theme. Chessboard birthday cake, chess piece decorations, kids playing chess against each other, etc. As a huge chess fanatic, I had older chess books and videos that were beneath my playing strength. I thought I would send them to this little boy. The mother of the little boy is someone with whom I went to Junior High School, and I wrote to her on facebook and said I can mail these books and videos to her son. I did this and didn't think to tell my wife. A few days later, my phone gets a notification from facebook messenger. It is a message thanking me for the books. My wife asks who it is, I realize I didn't tell her about it, I get uncomfortable for no reason, and then tell her about the package I sent.
With the gathering, I knew right away that I wasn't going to go. But I have always avoided confrontation with things like that by saying "I don't know" and waiting for it to be over, even though I knew I wasn't going. But how does this look? It looks like I had thoughts about going to meet someone that I used to find attractive.
At the bar on vacation, the drunk girl was talking to the guy in our tour group the whole night. When he brought it up the next day in front of his wife, I was taken aback. It seemed weird to my wife. When she kept questioning me, I was so uncomfortable that I had to make the questioning stop. I confessed to something that wasn't true knowing that it would stop the questioning. This wasn't the first time in my life I've done that. I confessed to breaking walkie talkies that I didn't break, and I confessed to breaking a CD player that I didn't break. Questions that seem like an interrogation are so uncomfortable for me, that I would rather take the blame than keep getting questioned.
These four things already look bad. But there was now something else that I should and do feel really bad about. About a month ago, my friend had a bachelor party in Philadelphia. We were going to go to a strip club. Unfortunately, one of my friends really pushed for private strippers to come over instead. While I'm extremely uncomfortable in both situations, I'm more uncomfortable when strippers come over because they try to do things that cross the line. They came to a point where they had a "game" where they place food on themselves and you have to eat it off, including the breasts. They called me up. I told them that I'm married, and I can't put my mouth on her nipple because I consider that cheating. All of this I told my wife. What I didn't tell her initially was that because I refused, they said I had to be punished. They pulled down my jeans so that I'm in my underwear, and exposed the top half of my butt. Then they hit me with a belt twice on my butt. Having my butt exposed in front of naked strippers definitely crossed a line. And the fact that I was too uncomfortable to tell my wife makes it worse. I kept thinking about it, and dwelling on it. I kind of gave her a hint, but it is something that she had to pry out of me. Even then, I was being really weird and acting like I was just remembering. Now my wife can't trust me at all, has no respect for me, and thinks that our marriage is doomed.
Is there any way for me to fix my relationship? If there is some way to fix the relationship, is there a way to deal with uncomfortable situations in the future so that I don't act so weird and make it seem like something is up?
I have Asperger's and my weirdness in uncomfortable situations has created so many issues that my wife seems ready to leave me. Picture as an outside observer the following: a man talking to a woman in a bar that he knows, not near his wife, not calling his wife over, and not introducing his wife. Picture: A man sending a package to some woman without his wife's knowledge. Picture: A man being invited to a gathering via facebook messenger from a girl to whom he was attracted. The man's friends are also invited and keep asking if he is going. He keeps responding with wishy washy answers like "Maybe", "I have to see", "I don't know" and "I'm not really sure." Picture: A man goes to a bar during a vacation. The next day, someone else at the bar mentions a drunk girl. The man acts weird. When questioned by the wife of why the drunk girl isn't mentioned, the immediate answer is "I don't know." After repeated questioning, the man states that the drunk girl was flirting.
This all sounds pretty bad, and I am the man in all of these situations. My weird uncomfortable reactions make it seem like something is up.
Talking to the woman in the bar was a situation where I have seen her plenty of times at my friend's house. But there were always a lot of people there (over 20). My memory is good, but I couldn't remember her name other than that it started with a "V." I felt like I had encountered her too many times to say that I forgot her name, and too many times to not say hello. I also internally freaked out and felt I could not introduce my wife without knowing her name. So my reaction makes it seem to everyone else looking like something is going on with me and this woman.
With the package, I am looking through facebook and see a kid's birthday party with a chess theme. Chessboard birthday cake, chess piece decorations, kids playing chess against each other, etc. As a huge chess fanatic, I had older chess books and videos that were beneath my playing strength. I thought I would send them to this little boy. The mother of the little boy is someone with whom I went to Junior High School, and I wrote to her on facebook and said I can mail these books and videos to her son. I did this and didn't think to tell my wife. A few days later, my phone gets a notification from facebook messenger. It is a message thanking me for the books. My wife asks who it is, I realize I didn't tell her about it, I get uncomfortable for no reason, and then tell her about the package I sent.
With the gathering, I knew right away that I wasn't going to go. But I have always avoided confrontation with things like that by saying "I don't know" and waiting for it to be over, even though I knew I wasn't going. But how does this look? It looks like I had thoughts about going to meet someone that I used to find attractive.
At the bar on vacation, the drunk girl was talking to the guy in our tour group the whole night. When he brought it up the next day in front of his wife, I was taken aback. It seemed weird to my wife. When she kept questioning me, I was so uncomfortable that I had to make the questioning stop. I confessed to something that wasn't true knowing that it would stop the questioning. This wasn't the first time in my life I've done that. I confessed to breaking walkie talkies that I didn't break, and I confessed to breaking a CD player that I didn't break. Questions that seem like an interrogation are so uncomfortable for me, that I would rather take the blame than keep getting questioned.
These four things already look bad. But there was now something else that I should and do feel really bad about. About a month ago, my friend had a bachelor party in Philadelphia. We were going to go to a strip club. Unfortunately, one of my friends really pushed for private strippers to come over instead. While I'm extremely uncomfortable in both situations, I'm more uncomfortable when strippers come over because they try to do things that cross the line. They came to a point where they had a "game" where they place food on themselves and you have to eat it off, including the breasts. They called me up. I told them that I'm married, and I can't put my mouth on her nipple because I consider that cheating. All of this I told my wife. What I didn't tell her initially was that because I refused, they said I had to be punished. They pulled down my jeans so that I'm in my underwear, and exposed the top half of my butt. Then they hit me with a belt twice on my butt. Having my butt exposed in front of naked strippers definitely crossed a line. And the fact that I was too uncomfortable to tell my wife makes it worse. I kept thinking about it, and dwelling on it. I kind of gave her a hint, but it is something that she had to pry out of me. Even then, I was being really weird and acting like I was just remembering. Now my wife can't trust me at all, has no respect for me, and thinks that our marriage is doomed.
Is there any way for me to fix my relationship? If there is some way to fix the relationship, is there a way to deal with uncomfortable situations in the future so that I don't act so weird and make it seem like something is up?
