In the upcoming days, I’m going to be moving out of a rental house in Rhode Island and moving down to Florida to live with my parents. There’s a lot about this that I’m nervous about.
The biggest one is that I hate the idea of having to live with my parents again, for many reasons. The first being it feels so immature. I play a lot of video games and prefer anime and manga over a lot of western media, so moving back in with my parents feels like a staple that I’m immature, a basement dweller, and a disappointment in life. Like I can’t picture myself telling anyone I live with my parents because it feels too embarrassing.
The second is that they sometimes really annoy me. My dad is very loud and sometimes doesn’t get that I don’t like being touched, but my mom is the bigger problem. Half the time she’s nice to get along with, but the other half feels insanely stressful and makes me resent moving back in with her.
I don’t know if I’m just overthinking things, but it sometimes feels like she treats me like a child or an idiot. There are a lot of times when I would say or suggest something and she would interrupt me by saying “no” in a tone that makes it sound like she’s saying “no you idiot, God you’re stupid” before explaining how I’m wrong because I either didn’t account for something or what I said just isn’t how the world works.
Just last night I was looking for jobs in the area we were living, both part-time and full-time related to my communications master’s degree, and when I texted her two part-time jobs I found and she just responded with “nope.” When I asked why she said, “you’re not working heavy machinery you have a master’s degree.” Well, what if I can’t find a job with that degree? What then huh? I thought you’d at least be happy that I was looking for work on my own accord but nope, apparently, I can’t even do that right without doing or thinking something wrong.
The person who prescribes my medication suggested that my mom doesn't want my degree to go to waste by me not having a job that requires it, but I don't think that's a good reason for her to respond the way she did. I hate the idea of living with her again if every interaction is a coin flip on whether or not she’s going to insult me.
Third, I hate the lack of alone time I’ll have. I’ll be living with both my parents and my brother. My mom works from home, my dad’s retired and I don’t know if he’s going to get another job or not, and my brother rarely even leaves his room. This means that I’ll have next to no time where I’ll truly be alone. If something’s bothering me, then I’ll have to wear the best mask of my life to make sure no one notices how I’m feeling, or else they’ll try to get answers out of me (and the stuff that sometimes bothers me isn’t stuff I always want to share with them). It also means some of my more private interests would have to be kept hidden from them because it would be embarrassing for them to know I’m into it. And for the mature readers, I’m also worried about if I’d be able to masturbate if there’s always at least one person in the house.
The second thing I’m worried about is making and keeping friends. The only friend I’ll have down there is one I made in high school I haven’t seen in years, everyone else will still be in New England. Despite them saying they want to keep in contact, I’m worried we won’t do that for whatever reason, whether they forget about me or none of us find the time to do it, leading to me losing most of my friends. Then there’s my anxiety about making friends in Florida. While I can think of a few places I could go to try and make friends, I feel like I have bad luck making friends and talking to people and often meet people who either don’t show any interest in me or don’t take any initiative contacting me. This makes me worried that, aside from the one friend I have down there, I’m going to be completely friendless.
All these worries make me dread the upcoming days and I’m not sure how I should deal with them. I’m making this post in hopes of getting some advice on how I can deal with either of or both of these fears. Please let me know what, if anything, I can do because I genuinely don’t know what I should do about this.
The biggest one is that I hate the idea of having to live with my parents again, for many reasons. The first being it feels so immature. I play a lot of video games and prefer anime and manga over a lot of western media, so moving back in with my parents feels like a staple that I’m immature, a basement dweller, and a disappointment in life. Like I can’t picture myself telling anyone I live with my parents because it feels too embarrassing.
The second is that they sometimes really annoy me. My dad is very loud and sometimes doesn’t get that I don’t like being touched, but my mom is the bigger problem. Half the time she’s nice to get along with, but the other half feels insanely stressful and makes me resent moving back in with her.
I don’t know if I’m just overthinking things, but it sometimes feels like she treats me like a child or an idiot. There are a lot of times when I would say or suggest something and she would interrupt me by saying “no” in a tone that makes it sound like she’s saying “no you idiot, God you’re stupid” before explaining how I’m wrong because I either didn’t account for something or what I said just isn’t how the world works.
Just last night I was looking for jobs in the area we were living, both part-time and full-time related to my communications master’s degree, and when I texted her two part-time jobs I found and she just responded with “nope.” When I asked why she said, “you’re not working heavy machinery you have a master’s degree.” Well, what if I can’t find a job with that degree? What then huh? I thought you’d at least be happy that I was looking for work on my own accord but nope, apparently, I can’t even do that right without doing or thinking something wrong.
The person who prescribes my medication suggested that my mom doesn't want my degree to go to waste by me not having a job that requires it, but I don't think that's a good reason for her to respond the way she did. I hate the idea of living with her again if every interaction is a coin flip on whether or not she’s going to insult me.
Third, I hate the lack of alone time I’ll have. I’ll be living with both my parents and my brother. My mom works from home, my dad’s retired and I don’t know if he’s going to get another job or not, and my brother rarely even leaves his room. This means that I’ll have next to no time where I’ll truly be alone. If something’s bothering me, then I’ll have to wear the best mask of my life to make sure no one notices how I’m feeling, or else they’ll try to get answers out of me (and the stuff that sometimes bothers me isn’t stuff I always want to share with them). It also means some of my more private interests would have to be kept hidden from them because it would be embarrassing for them to know I’m into it. And for the mature readers, I’m also worried about if I’d be able to masturbate if there’s always at least one person in the house.
The second thing I’m worried about is making and keeping friends. The only friend I’ll have down there is one I made in high school I haven’t seen in years, everyone else will still be in New England. Despite them saying they want to keep in contact, I’m worried we won’t do that for whatever reason, whether they forget about me or none of us find the time to do it, leading to me losing most of my friends. Then there’s my anxiety about making friends in Florida. While I can think of a few places I could go to try and make friends, I feel like I have bad luck making friends and talking to people and often meet people who either don’t show any interest in me or don’t take any initiative contacting me. This makes me worried that, aside from the one friend I have down there, I’m going to be completely friendless.
All these worries make me dread the upcoming days and I’m not sure how I should deal with them. I’m making this post in hopes of getting some advice on how I can deal with either of or both of these fears. Please let me know what, if anything, I can do because I genuinely don’t know what I should do about this.
