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I'm confused

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by mw2530, Nov 20, 2018.

  1. mw2530

    mw2530 Well-Known Member

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    So I recently matched with a woman on one of the dating apps there is there days. I found her attractive and we chatted for a while on the app. She seemed very interested. After a few days of chatting she said "text me tomorrow?" and then left her number. We texted a bunch of days. She initiated a fair amount of conversation - it was not just me asking questions like it sometimes goes.

    At some point she ended a conversation with..."You should ask me out sometime!". Which I planned to soon anyway. So I did ask her like a day later to go to dinner. At that time she had a cold, but I asked to go on a specific day that was a few days in advance. She agreed. Lots of exclamation marks, etc. over the course of all the texts.

    After I mentioned a place, suddenly responses to texts were less and less timely. She asked if it was a super fancy place and then suggested Indian food. I responded saying not really that fancy but nice and said I'd be open to Indian food.

    The next day - the day we were supposed to meet for dinner she sent a text that she had an ear infection and would have to rain check. This was only like 4 or 5 hours before when we would likely have met (although we hadn't set a definitive time yet or determined a location). I said "Sorry to hear, feel better soon". I didn't say anything else since I was annoyed she gave me such late notice and I wasn't sure that I necessarily believed her. Neither of us has texted once since that and it has been a couple of days now.

    So, I'm confused what happened. I know that no one knows for sure, but what do you think? Is she suddenly not interested anymore? How likely is it that she lied to me? Why would there be such a change in heart? Or does she expect me to reach out to see how she is feeling? I did reach out once when she had her cold. But this time I figured it was on her to text me next since she was the one who canceled on me.

    My guess is she did lie to me. Who knows. Probably hooked up with someone over the weekend and was no longer interested. Oh not that it matters but she has a kid, and I can't say I was excited about that fact but was willing to meet at least.
     
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  2. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I think the ear infection probably got worse and she died. Very sad, but quite common with people who like Indian food.
     
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  3. mw2530

    mw2530 Well-Known Member

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    Not funny at all and not helpful. I know this is someone that I've never even met so for the most part it is not that big of a deal. But I'm someone that has never had a girlfriend and have barely dated and am almost 31 years old. Do you know what kind of pain that causes someone? It certainly is not funny. So under my circumstances, even small setbacks bring a lot of negative thoughts.
     
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  4. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Enjoying life and glad to be alive! V.I.P Member

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    To me it sounds like she has anxiety. She wants to go on the date but has a panic attack and has to cancel.
    I would suggest asking her out on a less stress inducing date, even though it may not be traditional.
    A simple coffee and bagel thing at a Starbucks? Something like that.
    She just sounds so much like what I would do, not because I don’t want to see the guy, but because I LIKE him!
    By young I hope you mean over 18.
    Now she is ashamed and thinks you don’t like her because she’s flaked out several times.
     
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  5. MrSpock

    MrSpock Live long and prosper

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    Two days of no words does not mean much of anything at this point. She may not know what's going on, either. If you're still interested then get in touch, if not, don't. There will be plenty of opportunity to misinterpret things without you needing to misinterpret nothing.
     
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  6. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    How you told the story makes it clear that the problem was the place you suggested. It was immediately after?

    Her: :);):D
    You: Mcdonalds
    Her: ...

    Where'd she go?

    I don't mean to make light of it or imply you suggested Mcdonalds, but that's kind of what I got from the story.

    Maybe just check in with her with something like, "How's the ear?" or "I would have called you, but I figured that wouldn't be a good idea because of the infection and all."

    Have you gotten a sense for her personality yet?

    One thing I do know, pretty much every time in my life that I've guessed what another person is thinking or why they did something, I was wrong. I would try not to guess too much.
     
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  7. Nauti

    Nauti Well-Known Member

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    I agree that speculating or trying to mind- read won't get you anywhere. You need to touch base with her. Two days isn't very long, especially if her health has been below par and she is a parent.
    Why don't you send her a brief text? "I hope you're feeling better. Thinking of you". Or something of a similar yet brief sentiment.
     
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  8. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    Your tastes are not rich enough for her.

    Her questioning if it was an expensive restaurant and your response, was enough to put her off!

    You should send her a bunch of flowers and a note saying that you hope she gets better soon and perhaps a very low key restaurant would be better? McDonalds for example.

    But, that would be an nt thing to do. Lovely thought though, to make a person squrm in their fabrication.
     
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  9. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    Haha we think alike lol
     
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  10. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    Putting someone off with a health excuse sounds very much like me, also.
    I've done it quite a few times.
    Especially like @BraidedPony said, if I really like someone.
    I get anxious, then stall for some extra time to get control so I won't appear nervous or weird to the person.

    That's just my take on a possible reason.

    If that happens, I would appreciate a simple acknowledgement that you wondered how I was doing.
    Gives more confidence that you aren't shallow.
     
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  11. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    If she really had an ear infection, she may feel quite bad.
    The last time I had an ear ache, my ear drum ruptured and
    bled for seven days. There were additional complications
    that lasted for weeks.

    It did look to me that she didn't want to go to a "fancy place."
    If I asked whether we were going to a "fancy place" it would be
    because I wanted to gauge what the restaurant atmosphere
    was like, how I should dress, what to expect.
     
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  12. Joshua Aaron

    Joshua Aaron Autistic Bisexual

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    I'd suggest talking to her. That's what I usually do a while after my girlfriend or one of my friends have told me that they don't feel well.
     
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  13. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    What part of my post made you say that? I'm just curious because after twenty years of being told, "I've never met someone like you," this is a refreshing change!

    Edit: I just read your comment! Is it because we both said Mcdonalds?
     
  14. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hard to accurately speculate the reality of that situation. Though if I were to guess, I'd simply narrow it down to two possibilities:

    1) She got a "better" offer online.
    2) It's her child who was actually ill, which can present an immediate hurdle to some potential suitors.

    In any event, it's probably best not to dwell on what happened. Just move on.
     
  15. LunaAurum

    LunaAurum New Member

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    I admit I am very confused as well, but I also tend to ruminate endlessly over interactions like these. On one hand, I feel like the fact that she asked you to text her and to ask her out indicates she was interested. The fact that she acted flaky after you invited her could mean so many things. Maybe it's true that she didn't like the suggestion and was shopping for someone else on the side. But we can also be charitable and assume she could have been anxious about eating out (I have a friend who struggles with eating in public), or even have truly been sick.

    In the end, it's pointless to try guessing since there are too many plausible answers. Since you'd already exchanged a fair bit of communication with her, I'd say take one last chance, ask her how she is feeling and if she'd like to try again. Maybe ask her for a suggestion of what she likes to do (maybe she'd like a movie or coffee better than eating out?). If the response is still evasive or negative, then you'll know to drop it and have full closure.