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I'm autistic, the child isn't

Discussion in 'Parenting & Autism Discussions' started by hatfullofrain, Dec 6, 2020.

  1. hatfullofrain

    hatfullofrain Well-Known Member

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    Hi, I hope you don't mind me posting in the parent's thread. I'm an aunt, not a parent. I'm not sure I'm a good babysitter. My nephew is very active and I'm worried he'll hurt himself on my watch. I've never been alone with him.

    He's a bit of a dare devil. He's too quick for me. He'll jump off something and then suddenly he's on the floor crying. His Mum comes and gives him a cuddle and then he's off playing again.

    Do other aspies find that they are slow to react to children? Am I just not used to being around children? Anyone have any tips for me on how I can look out for him.
     
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  2. Magna

    Magna Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    How old is he? Humans are unpredictable and children are even more so which makes it difficult for me as an autistic person to process. A lot of kids, boys especially are pure impulse. Are there activities you can have him do or set him up to do that will be a distraction for him that won't get him hurt?

    I enjoyed reading to my kids when they were young. Could you read him stories?
     
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  3. hatfullofrain

    hatfullofrain Well-Known Member

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    He's only 2 years old. He enjoys stories, but not for long.

    I guess I could find some sort of game to play with him so he doesn't get bored and start launching himself off the furniture.
     
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  4. Magna

    Magna Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes, games are good. Building blocks and things too.
     
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  5. halfasped

    halfasped Member

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    Maybe tell his parents you're concerned he'll get hurt, that you might not be as quick as them. Anything you've noticed keeps him busy but not dare deviling? My kid was occupied with a hose on low or squatted in front of a bathtub faucet on a trickle for hours letting it run into his hand - otherwise was in constant motion. Good luck to you, what a great aunt!
     
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  6. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Slow to react as in slow reflexes?
     
  7. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member

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    They really are quite wonderful at two years old.

    Most (not all) have a greater vocabulary and can nearly always communicate what they'd like.
    Even if the vocab' is still limited, they've developed some form of communicating their needs or desires.

    Barring any medical conditions,
    the two year old is still investigating their world around them and learning relationships, ie, the hot tap produces hot water. The cooker or stove is also 'hot'
    The cold water tap and refrigerator are cold.
    The sky is where they'll look for aeroplanes or 'birdies'
    Trees have leaves... and so on.

    If your nephew is bouncing off the furniture, he has energy that needs depleting.
    Take him for a walk outdoors?
    Get him curious using his senses, what he can see outdoors, hear, smell, touch.

    Practise his gross motor skills, - walking, running, climbing, lifting (objects)
    He'll have no real concept of dangers, - busy roads, cliff edges, wildlife, plants, litter, bodies of water etc, so that will be your responsibility.

    He may not be able to walk any great distance at two. More time will be spent discovering and exploring the finer details, fallen leaves, rocks/stones, discarded litter, walls, road and pavement surfaces, dog poo, tree bark, mud. Just about everything at their eye level and below.
    Give his discovered treasures a name (noun) will expand his vocab. (and help to tire his learning brain out)

    If you do take him for a walk, check with mum what clothing he'll need to wear.


    Alot of two year olds understand basics or simplicity. Not so much abstract concepts. In the moment type of stuff.


    Your reflexes may be due to inexperience. Mum may expect to have to catch him. She's had two years to get used to it :)
    You'll learn, but at a slower pace than mum - who uses her reflexes around him 24 hrs a day.
    Does that make sense?

    This post is quite long already :)
    Just a quick mention on 'indoor play'

    The 15 month old I interact with regularly is fascinated with the properties of water.
    A supervised sink half full of warm water and a squirt of dish soap to create bubbles.
    Utensils and containers for scooping, mixing, pouring, sinking, splashing, lifting etc.
    It's messy but holds his attention for longer periods :)

    Supervised walking/ climbing up and down stairs. Repetitively. - practise his coordination, gross motor skills, exercise, discovery and sense of achievement.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2020
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  8. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member

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    I could write ten more posts on this subject, but wont because I go on and on and on :)

    The www is full of ideas for indoor play and activities and developmental milestones for two year olds, posted up by mums/carers/guardians/those who work with children.

    The more one understands these strange, short, agile little aliens, the less unpredictable and scary they may appear.
    Giving a much better idea of how to interact, mostly at their level,
    with them :)

    Parents make it look easy. Comparing your abilities to theirs is unfair on you.
    They've haven't had to 'hit the ground running'
    They've had years to learn and grow in their understanding of the child and anticipate it's desires.
     
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  9. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You'll start to enjoy! it but be off your head with worry ,I think it's like adhd in later years, I was relieved when his mum came back, I couldn't climb like that , if they survive till about 10 it will be easier
    how my cousin once removed cared for five boys I don't know !
     
  10. SDRSpark

    SDRSpark Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    If you don't feel that you can safely care for him, you are perfectly within your rights to say so - don't let anyone tell you otherwise. (I'm not saying that you are in this situation, but if you are, you're not obligated to care for a child that isn't your own. Ever.)

    Children are faster and smarter than anyone expects. I remember this story from when everyone was younger - my aunt has a son who liked to eat just about anything he could get his hands on, resulting in numerous calls to poison control etc. My grandmother constantly criticized my aunt saying "if you were a good parent this wouldn't happen. You have to watch him!" Finally, my aunt got fed up and said "if it's so easy, you watch him!" So my grandmother took him for the day.

    My aunt shows up at the end of the day to find my grandmother looking positively wilted. My aunt asked what was wrong and my grandmother blurted out "He ate boat sealant! What kind of child eats BOAT SEALANT?!" My grandmother had turned her back for all of thirty seconds and her grandson had made a break for it, before she knew what had happened he had found his way to the basement, found a tube of silicone boat sealant and proceeded to chow down.

    My point is, it's not just you. Children are TRICKY and, while being autistic can certainly make this more challenging to deal with, it's not just autistic people who have issues keeping track of them, so don't feel like you're somehow extra inadequate.

    I certainly gave my parents' a run for their money. And I was a (relatively) "good kid" too. I got up in the middle of the night one night, found dad's electric screwdriver in the junk drawer and proceeded to remove every doorknob in the house. My dad spent the next day re-installing doorknobs.
     
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