CharlesNorris
New Member
Hello everyone! I'm new here and haven't yet written a bio, so let me very briefly introduce myself. I am 30, male, and was diagnosed with ASD Level 1 with associated anxiety disorders last September (what a mind trip). I constantly encounter new obstacles to overcome as I learn more about myself and how to cope. Most recently, I've become very attracted to a woman at work, but there are issues that I have no clue how to deal with, which is why I'm here today.
There are so many details and I want to be very clear about the situation, so this is a long post. Maybe I should write a book.
I work in a very relaxed business-casual office environment. We are split up into teams, each with a team lead (TL). I was recently moved to a new team, and I realized right away that I'm extremely attracted to my new TL. Here are the most important details, as I see them:
I have a great deal of anxiety, which makes my job very difficult to enjoy even though it is almost a perfect fit for someone like me. Since meeting her, everything has changed! I have a more positive outlook and I actually want to go to work. My anxiety has dropped significantly, and so my performance has improved. After years of deep depression and no work, I finally feel some hope for the future. These changes come from within, I suppose, but this woman is a huge external factor that I can't ignore.
Point number 1 above is probably the biggest problem. It wouldn't be appropriate to ask her out, even if I had the guts to do so. Point 2 is not a problem for me, but might be for her. I'm walking a fine line with point 3, especially since I don't want to risk getting moved to yet another team. My only interactions with her are ones she initiates because of her duties as my TL (although I did offer a nice compliment once, which she seemed very happy about).
So what should I do?? I think about her all the time. I desperately want to tell her how I feel, but I don't know if that is appropriate given the circumstances. My therapist suggested expressing gratitude about how she has already had such a positive influence on my life and let it go from there. This sounds wise to me, and I would like to do this, but I don't know how without coming across as "weird" or some other negative thing I haven't considered.
I'll be totally honest with myself and the world that even an expression of gratitude is not without some hidden agenda. I not-so-secretly hope that she will pick up on my affection, and slowly warm up to the idea of a friendship with me, and possibly more later if her current relationship doesn't work out. I hate myself for not being able to make a simple selfless act.
She seems like the type I could only find once in a lifetime, especially being autistic. I don't want to let her go, I don't want to wonder what if, and I especially don't want to miss the opportunity only to find out later that she actually had feelings for me too. But I also can't keep obsessing like this. I hardly even know her...
This is probably less an autism question than a common life issue, but I don't know where else to turn. If you made it this far, thank you, and thanks in advance for any advice you can offer to help me through this.
There are so many details and I want to be very clear about the situation, so this is a long post. Maybe I should write a book.
I work in a very relaxed business-casual office environment. We are split up into teams, each with a team lead (TL). I was recently moved to a new team, and I realized right away that I'm extremely attracted to my new TL. Here are the most important details, as I see them:
- I looked her up. Turns out she is in a relationship...
- I'm 30, she is in her early 20s
- She is my team lead
- I'm autistic, but she already knows that
- I am very physically attracted to her
- I also find her other qualities attractive, e.g. her social confidence, her wittiness
I have a great deal of anxiety, which makes my job very difficult to enjoy even though it is almost a perfect fit for someone like me. Since meeting her, everything has changed! I have a more positive outlook and I actually want to go to work. My anxiety has dropped significantly, and so my performance has improved. After years of deep depression and no work, I finally feel some hope for the future. These changes come from within, I suppose, but this woman is a huge external factor that I can't ignore.
Point number 1 above is probably the biggest problem. It wouldn't be appropriate to ask her out, even if I had the guts to do so. Point 2 is not a problem for me, but might be for her. I'm walking a fine line with point 3, especially since I don't want to risk getting moved to yet another team. My only interactions with her are ones she initiates because of her duties as my TL (although I did offer a nice compliment once, which she seemed very happy about).
So what should I do?? I think about her all the time. I desperately want to tell her how I feel, but I don't know if that is appropriate given the circumstances. My therapist suggested expressing gratitude about how she has already had such a positive influence on my life and let it go from there. This sounds wise to me, and I would like to do this, but I don't know how without coming across as "weird" or some other negative thing I haven't considered.
I'll be totally honest with myself and the world that even an expression of gratitude is not without some hidden agenda. I not-so-secretly hope that she will pick up on my affection, and slowly warm up to the idea of a friendship with me, and possibly more later if her current relationship doesn't work out. I hate myself for not being able to make a simple selfless act.
She seems like the type I could only find once in a lifetime, especially being autistic. I don't want to let her go, I don't want to wonder what if, and I especially don't want to miss the opportunity only to find out later that she actually had feelings for me too. But I also can't keep obsessing like this. I hardly even know her...
This is probably less an autism question than a common life issue, but I don't know where else to turn. If you made it this far, thank you, and thanks in advance for any advice you can offer to help me through this.