If NO friends, what r the alternatives?

[JDartistic]

I've had friends and relationships on and off throughout my life, but for some reason, right now I'm in a particularly ISOLATED mode, and I'm just wondering what other people do to combat their isolation/loneliness.

FYI, I have a beautiful dog and wildlife that visits my yard, but I'm finding myself excessively day-dreaming too much again (gotta stop that cuz it takes over my life too often), and even though I'm on Match and Meet-up, I find myself isolating more and more after bad experiences.

Honestly, I think I'm getting tired of trying to connect! everyone just disappoints me, so now I've consciously decided to go solo b/c I find it strangely comforting right now...except I'm getting too much into my head, self-absorbed & self-critical - do you know what I mean?

So I'm wondering what others do to fill the "social" gap. I've got my pets/animals, and of course my hobbies, but I'm missing something else...perhaps I should go out to museums or something, just to be around people but NOT really. LOL

What do others do to feel socially okay when they are feeling too isolated?

 

[Gracey]

Sign in here when I'd like company that isn't my biological family.

I like your idea of museums to be around people (but not)
I know that feeling of spending too much time alone analysing and thinking. I've joined a community choir before now - not as formal as a serious choir - lots of singing together (social activity, without actually being sociable)
I've watched shows at a local theatre. I've walked around art galleries (where quiet contemplation is usual) in the presence of others.

Do you have any interest that might require you to visit a library? A bit old school with the ease of the internet but I personally like the musty book smell and the quiet people.

There's a houseplant thread on site if you have house plants?

 

[JDartistic]

Sign in here when I'd like company that isn't my biological family.

I like your idea of museums to be around people (but not)
I know that feeling of spending too much time alone analysing and thinking. I've joined a community choir before now - not as formal as a serious choir - lots of singing together (social activity, without actually being sociable)
I've watched shows at a local theatre. I've walked around art galleries (where quiet contemplation is usual) in the presence of others.

Do you have any interest that might require you to visit a library? A bit old school with the ease of the internet but I personally like the musty book smell and the quiet people.

There's a houseplant thread on site if you have house plants?

I've always loved libraries but you can't find them anymore, which is too bad.

You made me remember something, though - when you asked about if I have any interests, I used to take art classes! I haven't thought about that in years, for some reason, but I remember it was a good way to get out and meet people, but also no pressure cuz everyone's into their own thing, too. So thanks for sparking that memory for me. I have no idea why I didn't think of it before, but I guess it's cuz it's been decades since I've taken classes, but I think that may be just what I need.

 

[spaceman]

Fishing mate. Coarse fishing. You can be part of a community of a solitary sport. Of course there's other anglers on the bank. Some like to share the skills others don't. It's lovely putting them back after a quick pic.
It's good cause it's social also if you want to make new acquaintances, or be left alone.

And if you have a technical mind, then carp angling will keep you busynwith that.

Tight lines....

 

[JDartistic]

Fishing mate. Coarse fishing. You can be part of a community of a solitary sport. Of course there's other anglers on the bank. Some like to share the skills others don't. It's lovely putting them back after a quick pic.
It's good cause it's social also if you want to make new acquaintances, or be left alone.

And if you have a technical mind, then carp angling will keep you busynwith that.

Tight lines....

Thanks, Mate! LOL I actually live on the Chesapeake, and never thought about fishing b/c I don't like to hurt animals, but I do sometimes take cruises on the Tall Ships. But it's also a summer thing, and Winter is Coming... LOL

 

[paloftoon]

www.meetup.com, and maybe be willing to go further distances to try to meet people this way.

Maybe look up FB groups for activities, although a lot of those tend to be online only groups.

Look for conferences and social groups on the spectrum you can attend possibly to try to connect with others. Most of the conference are parent oriented and lectures, but it doesn't hurt to try to find one that might have a good crowd for you. Social groups are usually just in bigger cities.

Maybe you could try starting a meetup of your own on meetup.com if you think you'd be good at running a group.

Look for activities for adults at local library or community center, or maybe even try starting something at one of these places.

I think tabletop board games are a good hobby personally if you can find a group near you. They tend to be quiet, but keep your mind stimulated. Become an expert at something or use your expertise to bring to groups that are interested in that expertise if you can. This will help you a lot. We wish you the best.

 

[Spotty01]

I've had friends and relationships on and off throughout my life, but for some reason, right now I'm in a particularly ISOLATED mode, and I'm just wondering what other people do to combat their isolation/loneliness.

FYI, I have a beautiful dog and wildlife that visits my yard, but I'm finding myself excessively day-dreaming too much again (gotta stop that cuz it takes over my life too often), and even though I'm on Match and Meet-up, I find myself isolating more and more after bad experiences.

Honestly, I think I'm getting tired of trying to connect! everyone just disappoints me, so now I've consciously decided to go solo b/c I find it strangely comforting right now...except I'm getting too much into my head, self-absorbed & self-critical - do you know what I mean?

I can relate so much with you. I've had a lot of "friends" in the past, but all of them proved to be "fairweather friends" (the only time they aren't there is when you need them the most) or drifted away completely over time. I had about five friends back in high school, all of which have totally cut contact with me following graduation. However, I actually prefer being a loner over dealing with other people, for the aforementioned reasons as well as being able to have more time to do what I want to do and such. It gets lonely sometimes, definitely, but I have my family and social media to remedy that. On that note...

So I'm wondering what others do to fill the "social" gap. I've got my pets/animals, and of course my hobbies, but I'm missing something else...perhaps I should go out to museums or something, just to be around people but NOT really. LOL

What do others do to feel socially okay when they are feeling too isolated?

Whenever I'm feeling lonely, I come here on AspiesCentral, either to post a new thread or just go on the chatroom to talk to some of my friends there. I've found that befriending people online is pretty much all the social interaction I want and need, but you may feel differently. And, of course, there are other social media sites outside of AC and there are plenty of friendly communities like this one if you search hard enough for that diamond in the rough.

But, if that's not your thing, then find some social activities or continue what you're doing now ("go out to museums or something, just to be around people but NOT really") if that's what you'd prefer.

But that's just my two cents on the matter.

 

[Chance]

I've had friends and relationships on and off throughout my life, but for some reason, right now I'm in a particularly ISOLATED mode, and I'm just wondering what other people do to combat their isolation/loneliness.

FYI, I have a beautiful dog and wildlife that visits my yard, but I'm finding myself excessively day-dreaming too much again (gotta stop that cuz it takes over my life too often), and even though I'm on Match and Meet-up, I find myself isolating more and more after bad experiences.

Honestly, I think I'm getting tired of trying to connect! everyone just disappoints me, so now I've consciously decided to go solo b/c I find it strangely comforting right now...except I'm getting too much into my head, self-absorbed & self-critical - do you know what I mean?

So I'm wondering what others do to fill the "social" gap. I've got my pets/animals, and of course my hobbies, but I'm missing something else...perhaps I should go out to museums or something, just to be around people but NOT really. LOL

What do others do to feel socially okay when they are feeling too isolated?

Hey JD,

I'm barely out of my hidey hole, and I just don't like being around people much. It's not because I expect too much of them, as it might be the other way - they expect too much of me.

However, I get very lonely, even when I am around people. I fear saying anything, so most the time I never give people a chance, nor do I take the chance...

I am very thankful for this place right here, because I KNOW I'm not alone and there are others out there like me. Some have it better, some worse, some might could careless... Its the fact I am not crazy or insane, this is who we are... I'm in the company of people who can grasp the concept of what I deal with... And basically there is nothing wrong with that. Out in real life, not many get me, and I get that also. I am different, but I'm

Have you ever tried (or do they have) an Aspie group in your area. Maybe try setting one up yourself though local media, or FB (yuk), or Craigslist (scary but it might work).

You got this JD, try those art classes... Never give up, you have the world at your finger tips... 20-30 years ago people were isolated with no means to do what we do now...

It all passes, people will come into your life again... We have to maybe look for them, but they are usually looking also. Lots of lonely people on this planet ND and NT alike.

 

[Sherlock77]

I just enjoy being in social places, and doing my photography in social places, very much as an observer of the world around me... Despite being in a social place, there is a loner inside me, but I've never minded it... I don't have a gazillion friends, and I'm not sure that very many NT's have tons of friends either like we think they do...

Even pre-photography, I used to go out in public to do things like read a book or magazine... Buy a coffee at a proper coffee shop, grab a table, and read for awhile... Go for a walk in a park, sit on a bench somewhere and "people watch", fresh air is always good for the human spirit...

 

[Judge]

Hobbies...passions. Things you can immerse yourself into which don't involve the company or interaction of others.

 

[Suzanne]

I have dreadful social anxiety and feel frightened of humans And live in a land that is different to my country and different language and social anxiety is even worse, because of it.

Coming on here is a life saver where "social interactions" are concerned. Because I do feel that I am being social, even if it is not the accepted way of socialising. To me, having a conversation with someone is socialising.

I do have a friend in "life" as it were, but although we live in the same country, we live too far from each other, to actually turn it from texting to face to face; although we do see each other sometimes, due to our faith, most times it is just texting. She is borderline an aspie and probably why we get on well.

I have another friend who contacted me on here and now we chat on whatsapp.

I also frequently chat with another aspie on here, who lives in the country I live in and another aspie got in touch with me, because of feeling akin to my post.

So, in fact I do not feel starved now.

My mind is my enemy and I have started on the road to day dreaming. I had made myself stop, because the reality is too painful, but somehow I made my brain accept that what I day dreamed about last night, is just that and it did not leave me feeling sick to the heart.

 

[spaceman]

Thanks, Mate! LOL I actually live on the Chesapeake, and never thought about fishing b/c I don't like to hurt animals, but I do sometimes take cruises on the Tall Ships. But it's also a summer thing, and Winter is Coming... LOL

Well you can always put them back in, watch them swim away. It's fab. I never catch fish to eat. That's why I chose coarse angling.

 

[fairy_girl]

I find hobbies to entertain myself and I post on forums. At the moment my newest hobby is customizing dolls and toys, I've always loved painting and sewing so it's perfect for me.

All of my friends were all busy in their own lives which I have no ill will, it just happens. Honestly taking everyone out was getting really expensive so I just stopped all together.

 

[JDartistic]

Hey JD,

I'm barley out of my hidey hole, and I just don't like being around people much. It's not because I expect too much of them, as it might be the other way - they expect too much of me.

However, I get very lonely, even when I am around people. I fear saying anything, so most the time I never give people a chance, nor do I take the chance...

I am very thankful for this place right here, because I KNOW I'm not alone and there are others out there like me. Some have it better, some worse, some might could careless... Its the fact I am not crazy or insane, this is who we are... I'm in the company of people who can grasp the concept of what I deal with... And basically there is nothing wrong with that. Out in real life, not many get me, and I get that also. I am different, but I'm

Have you ever tried (or do they have) an Aspie group in your area. Maybe try setting one up yourself though local media, or FB (yuk), or Craigslist (scary but it might work).

You got this JD, try those art classes... Never give up, you have the world at your finger tips... 20-30 years ago people were isolated with no means to do what we do now...

It all passes, people will come into your life again... We have to maybe look for them, but they are usually looking also. Lots of lonely people on this planet ND and NT alike.

I must admit I've been coming here more and more on this site, and it does make me feel better, but I've also always been one to need one-on-one communication. I think that's what I miss the most - sounds silly as an older person, but I want a "best friend" and I've found that being older, it just doesn't work that way anymore...at least not in the real world. Most my age are either married, or they have their own kids/family that take up all their time. I truly can't find anyone who is open to a "best friend" at my age (50's).

But for on-line "immediate" stuff, this works, but I'm also looking for that real-life connection with a friend. I keep reaching out and trying, like in my neighborhood or through Meet-up, but for some reason, it just hasn't "clicked" yet. I think it's because MY expectations are too needy for those who are in my age group. Most are either married or are close to their families, but I don't have that luxury. My family hates me, I've never had kids, and all my lovers and friends are gone. Life happens, I guess...

But I keep trying...striving...it helps to know others are out there who feel the same.

PS I keep looking for autistic/Aspie Meet-up or therapy groups, but they are always for kids. Wassup with that? Don't they know we grow up?

 

[JDartistic]

I just enjoy being in social places, and doing my photography in social places, very much as an observer of the world around me... Despite being in a social place, there is a loner inside me, but I've never minded it... I don't have a gazillion friends, and I'm not sure that very many NT's have tons of friends either like we think they do...

Even pre-photography, I used to go out in public to do things like read a book or magazine... Buy a coffee at a proper coffee shop, grab a table, and read for awhile... Go for a walk in a park, sit on a bench somewhere and "people watch", fresh air is always good for the human spirit...

Yeah, I've spent decades doing that at bars. I've met a lot of people that way, in that I'd just go out to be among people and talk to those sitting at the bar for conversation. It worked...until one day I realized I had a drinking problem and found myself going to bars to drink and no longer reaching out to people. Ugh. I do, however, go to bookstores a lot. I like museums, too - I just have to be careful around other places that serve food and drink...but it worked for a while!

 

[JDartistic]

Well you can always put them back in, watch them swim away. It's fab. I never catch fish to eat. That's why I chose coarse angling.

I'll look coarse angling up - if I don't have to hurt the catch, it may work for me in the summer.

 

[Chance]

I must admit I've been coming here more and more on this site, and it does make me feel better, but I've also always been one to need one-on-one communication. I think that's what I miss the most - sounds silly as an older person, but I want a "best friend" and I've found that being older, it just doesn't work that way anymore...at least not in the real world. Most my age are either married, or they have their own kids/family that take up all their time. I truly can't find anyone who is open to a "best friend" at my age (50's).

But for on-line "immediate" stuff, this works, but I'm also looking for that real-life connection with a friend. I keep reaching out and trying, like in my neighborhood or through Meet-up, but for some reason, it just hasn't "clicked" yet. I think it's because MY expectations are too needy for those who are in my age group. Most are either married or are close to their families, but I don't have that luxury. My family hates me, I've never had kids, and all my lovers and friends are gone. Life happens, I guess...

But I keep trying...striving...it helps to know others are out there who feel the same.

PS I keep looking for autistic/Aspie Meet-up or therapy groups, but they are always for kids. Wassup with that? Don't they know we grow up?

Agreed in full, we are hard people to fit in, but there is someone out there for you, never give up.
Keep an open mind (as you already have), and you are stronger then you know because you already made it this far... We did grow up maybe more than others ever had to grow up, and that alone puts us out there in a small group, but that is one group that has dealt with things other people cant even imagine.

You will be rewarded accordingly... Just don't give up, or give in to those voices that tell you differently. : )

 

[Sherlock77]

Yeah, I've spent decades doing that at bars. I've met a lot of people that way, in that I'd just go out to be among people and talk to those sitting at the bar for conversation. It worked...until one day I realized I had a drinking problem and found myself going to bars to drink and no longer reaching out to people. Ugh. I do, however, go to bookstores a lot. I like museums, too - I just have to be careful around other places that serve food and drink...but it worked for a while!

I just choose not to drink at all... But otherwise stay social, in perhaps a quiet way

 

[Sabrina]

A good therapist that you feel comfortable with. I tried two that didn't work out, but with the third one it's been great. I've been in therapy for two years now with the same person. He has helped me a lot in order to not feel lonely.

 

[Mia]

FYI, I have a beautiful dog and wildlife that visits my yard, but I'm finding myself excessively day-dreaming too much again (gotta stop that cuz it takes over my life too often), and even though I'm on Match and Meet-up, I find myself isolating more and more after bad experiences.

Lived in a city for many years. And had two different dogs, both of whom passed away at different times years ago. Many of the people I knew, had dogs themselves. A few became friends over the years. In fact outside of work and at school, my friends were other dog owners. Knew several who went to great length's to have their dogs socialized with other dogs at dog parks, and other places like nature areas.

Might be something to consider, if the isolation is not something you want to continue. Talking about your dog or their training or food or health is pretty innocuous and doesn't have to be all that personal.