I wish my female friends understood how much they mean to me.

[Marmonduke]

Almost all my female friendships ended in disaster. The ones i liked ditched me, and abandoned me. While the others that i don't like think that i like them. My issue is I get depressed a lot when i see a couple because i never really had that type of Romantic Intimacy (being a close couple). It's because i hate being single. I found out a long time ago that the reason why i'm unhappy is because of being single. Women have been nothing but kind and compassionate to me all my life and that's why i love them that deeply. I feel miserable everyday and every hour because of not having one close by my side. It's not their fault though; it's mine. I wish i had the skills to win a girl's heart. I'm just heartbroken that i try to and it seems like i always fail. I made a lot of mistakes in my life and i'm ashamed that i did too. And i'm ashamed and feel less than human for my AS. I feel stuck, hopeless and depressed; which is why i'm sad.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Welcome and hi, Marmonduke. At your age I was socially and sexually isolated and it took me a while and a bit of work on myself before I was actually ready for a healthy intimate relationship. I first had to learn to like myself and enjoy my life, then learn how to be social and a good companion before I could make headway and be comfortable being vulnerable (though with some anxiety). All of that took time along with living independently and I was a virgin until 28. Yes, I felt bad about that but I was prepared to meet a kind, accepting and loving woman and we have been together now for 44 years.

Be that person you would want a relationship with.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

@Marmonduke Someone once said, "Before you can love someone else, you have to love yourself." Another once said, "Happiness does not come from other people, it comes from within. People can either make you more or less happy."

I believe that this is true. People who have not come to terms of acceptance with themselves will never be happy,...nor content,...and that sort of persona is NOT attractive to a potential love interest. People want to be around self confident and capable people,...it comes down to basic biology and partner seeking behaviors,...it's primal. You fix that about yourself, women will be seeking you out,...not the other way around.

You might not like being autistic when it comes to all of this,...I am in the same boat,...some of my psychological scores are 2X worse than the means for autistics. I have alexithymia,...a mind-body disconnect when it comes to emotions. I get it.

I work with a 95% female staff. Not only do I prefer being around women, I rather enjoy it,...most likely because they are SO different than me. Now, here's my take on it,...I may have ZERO idea what they are thinking,...I have almost ZERO emotional expression and depth,...all I do know is that when we put our heads together, we fit together like a puzzle piece,...we complete each other. Whatever deficits each other has,...when we work together, we make ONE good person. It is clearly this way with my wife, as well. It's magic,...and I don't have any other way to describe the phenomenon. But, again,...I am content with who I am and project leadership qualities. People seek me out.

Something to chew on.

EDIT: Furthermore, I think it can be a mistake to seek out partners who are like us. I am a proponent of the "opposites attract" mindset,...and when I say this,...of course, both partners have to be open, accepting people, willing to work with each other. I know this is counterintuitive, but if you want to see conflict and tension,...put two similar people together. Although there can be relationship difficulties between neurotypicals and autistics,...I think this is nearly all a result of communication, ignorance of communication styles, and difficulties with perspective-taking on the part of both. If both partners are on the same page with knowing their own strengths and weaknesses, and then work with each other for the benefit of the team, it can be an amazing thing,...my wife and I.

 

[Aspychata]

I can relate to others who blow up out of frustration. And l do my best to reassure. My autistic friend can meltdown, but l get him, so it's okay. It's not me he is angry, it's just feeling overwhelmed.

 

[Darkkin]

One huge truth a number of folks seem to miss is that issues like depression will continue to exist whether or not an individual is involved in a relationship. More often than not, it is a huge contributing factor to increases in stress, anxiety, and depressive episodes.

The idealistic assumption of finding a relationship will rectify any and all ills is an indicator of stunted emotional growth. It is a status symbol want with no thought given to the work involved in making a relationship actually function.

There is a reason for the adage of liking one's self first. Basic skill. And absolutely critical, but it is too often taken completely for granted.

Statistics, pop culture, history, and our own families reflect the fact that emotional well-being is still too much of a taboo.

 

[Marmonduke]

Welcome and hi, Marmonduke. At your age I was socially and sexually isolated and it took me a while and a bit of work on myself before I was actually ready for a healthy intimate relationship. I first had to learn to like myself and enjoy my life, then learn how to be social and a good companion before I could make headway and be comfortable being vulnerable (though with some anxiety). All of that took time along with living independently and I was a virgin until 28. Yes, I felt bad about that but I was prepared to meet a kind, accepting and loving woman and we have been together now for 44 years.

Be that person you would want a relationship with.

That gives me a lot of hope. Thank you

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

If both partners are on the same page with knowing their own strengths and weaknesses, and then work with each other for the benefit of the team, it can be an amazing thing,...my wife and I.

This +1,000.

 

[Swansong]

This was though to read because of how much I see the younger (and far less self aware) me in this.

For what worth, this is the advice I could give:

-Those extremely idealized views of a magical partner that somehow makes it all right are delusional and self destructive. Of course it would be great to just have this amazing person that completes you in every way but that's not really how the real world works, at most one could expect a reliable partner to get through life with. And many even "normal" people do not find that.

-Friendship is not, or at least it shouldn't be, just a stepping stone or half assed replacement for a romantic relationship. A friendship should stand on it's own, I get the impression you may see these lady friends as a partial step towards getting your real goal and that's ultimately not a healthy way to approach a friendship.

-Neediness is extremely off putting. It's a harsh and cruel reality but a reality nonetheless, people will move away from anyone they perceive as excessively needy. There's nothing wrong with having an unmet emotional needed or even being open about it but if one allows it to become a defining trait then that's just a poison pill for relationships.

 

[Darkkin]

^^^^^

This was though to read because of how much I see the younger (and far less self aware) me in this.

For what worth, this is the advice I could give:

-Those extremely idealized views of a magical partner that somehow makes it all right are delusional and self destructive. Of course it would be great to just have this amazing person that completes you in every way but that's not really how the real world works, at most one could expect a reliable partner to get through life with. And many even "normal" people do not find that.

-Friendship is not, or at least it shouldn't be, just a stepping stone or half assed replacement for a romantic relationship. A friendship should stand on it's own, I get the impression you may see these lady friends as a partial step towards getting your real goal and that's ultimately not a healthy way to approach a friendship.

-Neediness is extremely off putting. It's a harsh and cruel reality but a reality nonetheless, people will move away from anyone they perceive as excessively needy. There's nothing wrong with having an unmet emotional needed or even being open about it but if one allows it to become a defining trait then that's just a poison pill for relationships.

^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

This was though to read because of how much I see the younger (and far less self aware) me in this.

For what worth, this is the advice I could give:

-Those extremely idealized views of a magical partner that somehow makes it all right are delusional and self destructive. Of course it would be great to just have this amazing person that completes you in every way but that's not really how the real world works, at most one could expect a reliable partner to get through life with. And many even "normal" people do not find that.

-Friendship is not, or at least it shouldn't be, just a stepping stone or half assed replacement for a romantic relationship. A friendship should stand on it's own, I get the impression you may see these lady friends as a partial step towards getting your real goal and that's ultimately not a healthy way to approach a friendship.

-Neediness is extremely off putting. It's a harsh and cruel reality but a reality nonetheless, people will move away from anyone they perceive as excessively needy. There's nothing wrong with having an unmet emotional needed or even being open about it but if one allows it to become a defining trait then that's just a poison pill for relationships.

So very true! The partnership that friendship involves is necessary to learn for us, and nurturing a friendship is a step in our being social. While friendship is necessary, it is not sufficient for intimacy because the vulnerability that good intimacy requires is more than mere lust. Of course the satisfaction of the physical need is fun, talk to many women and it is common that some have felt used when they do not feel cared for emotionally.

In my case, the friendship with my future spouse was such that I was open to asking her if she would like to make love after a particularly enjoyable day, my mind panicked, I did not hear her assent, and she patiently and lovingly explained that we were taking our friendship to a new level to calm my anxiety. Needless to say, I felt accepted and so in turn valued her and enjoyed seeing to her emotional needs. Even with my inexperience we fell in love as later she told me that I was the first man who really had seen to her emotional and physical satisfaction as I continued to care for her, just not my selfish need. Since then I have enjoyed being vulnerable with her.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

Almost all my female friendships ended in disaster. The ones i liked ditched me, and abandoned me. While the others that i don't like think that i like them. My issue is I get depressed a lot when i see a couple because i never really had that type of Romantic Intimacy (being a close couple). It's because i hate being single. I found out a long time ago that the reason why i'm unhappy is because of being single. Women have been nothing but kind and compassionate to me all my life and that's why i love them that deeply. I feel miserable everyday and every hour because of not having one close by my side. It's not their fault though; it's mine. I wish i had the skills to win a girl's heart. I'm just heartbroken that i try to and it seems like i always fail. I made a lot of mistakes in my life and i'm ashamed that i did too. And i'm ashamed and feel less than human for my AS. I feel stuck, hopeless and depressed; which is why i'm sad.

i'd feel the same way about mine,but some people amongst our friends would potentially misinterpret us as a couple.

 

[Magna]

One huge truth a number of folks seem to miss is that issues like depression will continue to exist whether or not an individual is involved in a relationship. More often than not, it is a huge contributing factor to increases in stress, anxiety, and depressive episodes.

The idealistic assumption of finding a relationship will rectify any and all ills is an indicator of stunted emotional growth. It is a status symbol want with no thought given to the work involved in making a relationship actually function.

There is a reason for the adage of liking one's self first. Basic skill. And absolutely critical, but it is too often taken completely for granted.

Statistics, pop culture, history, and our own families reflect the fact that emotional well-being is still too much of a taboo.

Absolutely spot on. The world would be a better place in general if people understood this.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

i'd feel the same way about mine,but some people amongst our friends would potentially misinterpret us as a couple.

I keep on wondering that if you and @Marmonduke are good friends with girls/women, why would it be taboo to discuss your difficulties and get advice on relationships, even intimate relationships? I think, were I able to do such, I would find it quite nice to see a friend in a mutually beneficial and loving intimate relationship. Hell! If I knew a woman who was a match for a person here (and was an eclipse chaser) I'd bring her along in 2024 and introduce her to him just to see that person hit it off.