• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

I wish I could bypass dating

Markness

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
I wish I didn’t have to date at all and could have a friendship with a woman that becomes a romantic relationship. But it’s hard for me to make friends with women. They usually have boyfriends or husbands already so that’s a non-starter (Especially if their partner disallows them from having male friends. I’ve actually lost female friends because of this.) and women in the culture I live in tend to be pressured to fit a mold such as only having interests that are considered suitable for them and never acting in any way that is “manly”.
 
People do form romantic relationships without dating though? I mean it seriously can work either way.

The idea that traditional "dating" is a MUST is just that: An idea. A blanket statement. And blanket statments are never good.

As with all things, there are people out there who have a very different approach than the "traditional" one. There are many who will outright loathe the traditional one. It aint just with dating. This applies to pretty much everything.

It's just like the idea that people who are truly friends MUST meet up at restaurants/bars/movies at fairly regular intervals. I've heard that from people, certainly. And even more certainly, I know it's a whole lot of dog poo. You dont need any of those 3 things to truly be friends with someone.

This is also why I always say that things like those dating events arent necessary. And why I always say that the real way to meet someone is to, you know, just bloody well get out there and meet someone. Or just get out there in general, not even necessarily with the intention of meeting people. For instance, my brother is married. A few years now, he has a kid, age 2. Where did he meet his wife? College. And not by going to "events" at college either. He's the ultra-responsible type: College time to him wasnt "fun time", it was "study for real" time, and that's where his entire focus was (and he is now a teacher himself). He didnt do parties or any of that silliness. And she is similar to him; she's a registered nurse, complete with all of the heavy/difficult education requirements that entails. They didnt have time for frivolous nonsense.

But they still got together.

And I think there's a lesson to be learned, from an example like theirs.

Just something to keep in mind.
 
Misery said:
People do form romantic relationships without dating though? I mean it seriously can work either way.

The idea that traditional "dating" is a MUST is just that: An idea. A blanket statement. And blanket statments are never good.

As with all things, there are people out there who have a very different approach than the "traditional" one. There are many who will outright loathe the traditional one. It aint just with dating. This applies to pretty much everything.

It's just like the idea that people who are truly friends MUST meet up at restaurants/bars/movies at fairly regular intervals. I've heard that from people, certainly. And even more certainly, I know it's a whole lot of dog poo. You dont need any of those 3 things to truly be friends with someone.

This is also why I always say that things like those dating events arent necessary. And why I always say that the real way to meet someone is to, you know, just bloody well get out there and meet someone. Or just get out there in general, not even necessarily with the intention of meeting people. For instance, my brother is married. A few years now, he has a kid, age 2. Where did he meet his wife? College. And not by going to "events" at college either. He's the ultra-responsible type: College time to him wasnt "fun time", it was "study for real" time, and that's where his entire focus was (and he is now a teacher himself). He didnt do parties or any of that silliness. And she is similar to him; she's a registered nurse, complete with all of the heavy/difficult education requirements that entails. They didnt have time for frivolous nonsense.

But they still got together.

And I think there's a lesson to be learned, from an example like theirs.

Just something to keep in mind.
Click to expand...

My first and only girlfriend so far (Should life ever get better for me) I didn’t date. We were in the same support group together. She actually approached me first which is not common at all in Texas. Then again, she wasn’t a native Texan. She wasn’t even American by birth since she was born in Canada.
 
Mark,

I don't have much to say that hasn't already been covered in the "The people who don’t want me to have a relationship: Why?" thread on a certain other site. There's a lot of solid responses there, and what's kind of sad is that the moment I saw the thread title on the homepage, I knew it was one of your posts.

If you'd like my two cents (and I know you're not asking for that), your special interest, as others here and elsewhere have noted, does not appear to be healthy for you. It's eating you the same way it's eating up a number of other members.

Sometimes aspies fall into a trap of trying to make too much meaning of the past rather than focusing on the present and looking ahead into the future. When I read your posts, I'm seeing a lot of yearning.

But if we're always living in the past, we'll never get ahead, or anywhere. The past can be a useful interpretive guide, but that's it, unless what you really want is a repetitive feedback loop of certain events, in which case I offer no advice.

This may sound a bit radical perhaps, but have you considered a fresh start, perhaps starting with moving out of TX?
 
Markness said:
They usually have boyfriends or husbands already so that’s a non-starter
Click to expand...

I know at least 2 AS people in poly-amorous relationships. So, it is perhaps not always the non-starter you think it is?
Just throwing out alternative ideas to consider.
 
Maybe moving out of Texas. Florida has a lot of single woman here. But stay out of the big cities were the cost of living is going up.

Get a neat p/t job where you have an opportunity to meet woman. Bartenders meet many woman. Food servers wait on many single woman. Even cashiering in a small store or a touristy area, you meet lots of people. How about the humane society, lots of woman volunteer there. You have to get outside the box to meet someone. Just thinking about it won't make it happen.
 
Believe it or not I never dated a woman in my life, been married for over forty years, it can done. I ran a rooming house, abandoned house, the city wanted the taxes paid and did not want the house run down. I simply asked one of my tenants if she was interested in me, to my surprise she was interested in me. This was easy to do since we were living in the same house We started to hanging out, months latter I asked her to marry me to my surprise she said yes.
 
That's exactly what I did. "Bypassed" the whole institution of dating, with the exception of allowing a friend at work to set me up on one blind date that flopped.

Settled for simply making friends with the opposite sex, and on occasion a few of those friendships blossomed into something more. For me I figured it was the best I could do in life. Besides, it's not exactly what I'd call a death sentence either.
 
Markness said:
I wish I didn’t have to date at all and could have a friendship with a woman that becomes a romantic relationship. But it’s hard for me to make friends with women. They usually have boyfriends or husbands already so that’s a non-starter (Especially if their partner disallows them from having male friends. I’ve actually lost female friends because of this.) and women in the culture I live in tend to be pressured to fit a mold such as only having interests that are considered suitable for them and never acting in any way that is “manly”.
Click to expand...
Russian Mail Bride? It's a real thing. A friend did that. Worked out for a bit (till she got citizenship).
 
If you do that you are being used, not much of a marriage
I learned you must be able to thing outside the box, I could always talk and hang out with women. do not have much in common with most men. women seem to like my company.
 
Last edited:
OkRad said:
Russian Mail Bride? It's a real thing. A friend did that. Worked out for a bit (till she got citizenship).
Click to expand...

Yeah. It's VERY real. One of my best friends and partners in business did just that. Met a Russian girl that came to visit and they hit it off quite well. Married with one son...and doing well in California despite the pandemic.

They just don't talk about Russian politics though...:eek:

Sure you can make a lot of jokes and be incredibly cynical about it, but in a few rare instances there are some happy endings. No joke. Though I think such an equation really leans heavily on the "honesty factor" to assure that there are no hidden motives on the part of both people in such a relationship.
 
LIVING together for us was her changing bedrooms and no longer charging her rent. My wifes best friend is disabled. he has no girl friend, same issue many on here have. he is his own worse enemy .MARIE is not into relationships that involve pity, most girls are like her, let your personality shine through.
 
Yeah, actually my relationship of 19 years now was pretty much dating free as well. We had one official "date", and that was it.
It's definitely possible with the right person.
 
Nothing is normal for us, we move along in life, and do find success in many things, but our way for getting there is more opportunistic and being at the right place at the right time. Life is a draw of cards. Sometimes the cards favor you. Sometimes you return your cards back to the dealer.
 
Aspychata said:
Nothing is normal for us, we move along in life, and do find success in many things, but our way for getting there is more opportunistic and being at the right place at the right time. Life is a draw of cards. Sometimes the cards favor you. Sometimes you return your cards back to the dealer.
Click to expand...

Just to add, that life is in no way a "linear process". There is no timeline for success or failure in life. It comes, it goes...and not in any order or perceivable schedule.

Something that was also a "bitter pill" for me to swallow and accept. Yet I know it's the truth.
 
my uncle was a real loner finnally got married in his forties, died last year 98 years old married 50 plus years. his wife had been married more than once before she meet him.
 
One way to "bypass" dating is to save up and pay for a matchmaking services. You need like $3k+.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom