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I wish I could bypass dating

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Markness, May 16, 2021.

  1. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I wish I didn’t have to date at all and could have a friendship with a woman that becomes a romantic relationship. But it’s hard for me to make friends with women. They usually have boyfriends or husbands already so that’s a non-starter (Especially if their partner disallows them from having male friends. I’ve actually lost female friends because of this.) and women in the culture I live in tend to be pressured to fit a mold such as only having interests that are considered suitable for them and never acting in any way that is “manly”.
     
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  2. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    People do form romantic relationships without dating though? I mean it seriously can work either way.

    The idea that traditional "dating" is a MUST is just that: An idea. A blanket statement. And blanket statments are never good.

    As with all things, there are people out there who have a very different approach than the "traditional" one. There are many who will outright loathe the traditional one. It aint just with dating. This applies to pretty much everything.

    It's just like the idea that people who are truly friends MUST meet up at restaurants/bars/movies at fairly regular intervals. I've heard that from people, certainly. And even more certainly, I know it's a whole lot of dog poo. You dont need any of those 3 things to truly be friends with someone.

    This is also why I always say that things like those dating events arent necessary. And why I always say that the real way to meet someone is to, you know, just bloody well get out there and meet someone. Or just get out there in general, not even necessarily with the intention of meeting people. For instance, my brother is married. A few years now, he has a kid, age 2. Where did he meet his wife? College. And not by going to "events" at college either. He's the ultra-responsible type: College time to him wasnt "fun time", it was "study for real" time, and that's where his entire focus was (and he is now a teacher himself). He didnt do parties or any of that silliness. And she is similar to him; she's a registered nurse, complete with all of the heavy/difficult education requirements that entails. They didnt have time for frivolous nonsense.

    But they still got together.

    And I think there's a lesson to be learned, from an example like theirs.

    Just something to keep in mind.
     
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  3. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    My first and only girlfriend so far (Should life ever get better for me) I didn’t date. We were in the same support group together. She actually approached me first which is not common at all in Texas. Then again, she wasn’t a native Texan. She wasn’t even American by birth since she was born in Canada.
     
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  4. VictorR

    VictorR Random Member V.I.P Member

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    Mark,

    I don't have much to say that hasn't already been covered in the "The people who don’t want me to have a relationship: Why?" thread on a certain other site. There's a lot of solid responses there, and what's kind of sad is that the moment I saw the thread title on the homepage, I knew it was one of your posts.

    If you'd like my two cents (and I know you're not asking for that), your special interest, as others here and elsewhere have noted, does not appear to be healthy for you. It's eating you the same way it's eating up a number of other members.

    Sometimes aspies fall into a trap of trying to make too much meaning of the past rather than focusing on the present and looking ahead into the future. When I read your posts, I'm seeing a lot of yearning.

    But if we're always living in the past, we'll never get ahead, or anywhere. The past can be a useful interpretive guide, but that's it, unless what you really want is a repetitive feedback loop of certain events, in which case I offer no advice.

    This may sound a bit radical perhaps, but have you considered a fresh start, perhaps starting with moving out of TX?
     
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  5. Varzar

    Varzar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I know at least 2 AS people in poly-amorous relationships. So, it is perhaps not always the non-starter you think it is?
    Just throwing out alternative ideas to consider.
     
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  6. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Maybe moving out of Texas. Florida has a lot of single woman here. But stay out of the big cities were the cost of living is going up.

    Get a neat p/t job where you have an opportunity to meet woman. Bartenders meet many woman. Food servers wait on many single woman. Even cashiering in a small store or a touristy area, you meet lots of people. How about the humane society, lots of woman volunteer there. You have to get outside the box to meet someone. Just thinking about it won't make it happen.
     
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  7. Ronald Zeeman

    Ronald Zeeman Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Believe it or not I never dated a woman in my life, been married for over forty years, it can done. I ran a rooming house, abandoned house, the city wanted the taxes paid and did not want the house run down. I simply asked one of my tenants if she was interested in me, to my surprise she was interested in me. This was easy to do since we were living in the same house We started to hanging out, months latter I asked her to marry me to my surprise she said yes.
     
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  8. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    That's exactly what I did. "Bypassed" the whole institution of dating, with the exception of allowing a friend at work to set me up on one blind date that flopped.

    Settled for simply making friends with the opposite sex, and on occasion a few of those friendships blossomed into something more. For me I figured it was the best I could do in life. Besides, it's not exactly what I'd call a death sentence either.
     
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  9. OkRad

    OkRad μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος οὐλομένην V.I.P Member

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    Russian Mail Bride? It's a real thing. A friend did that. Worked out for a bit (till she got citizenship).
     
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  10. Ronald Zeeman

    Ronald Zeeman Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    If you do that you are being use, not much of a marriage
    I learned you must be able to thing outside the box, I could always talk and hang out with women. do not have much in common with most men. women seem to like my company.
     
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  11. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Yeah. It's VERY real. One of my best friends and partners in business did just that. Met a Russian girl that came to visit and they hit it off quite well. Married with one son...and doing well in California despite the pandemic.

    They just don't talk about Russian politics though...:eek:

    Sure you can make a lot of jokes and be incredibly cynical about it, but in a few rare instances there are some happy endings. No joke. Though I think such an equation really leans heavily on the "honesty factor" to assure that there are no hidden motives on the part of both people in such a relationship.
     
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  12. Ronald Zeeman

    Ronald Zeeman Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    LIVING together for us was her changing bedrooms and no longer charging her rent. My wifes best friend is disabled. he has no girl friend, same issue many on here have. he is his own worse enemy .MARIE is not into relationships that involve pity, most girls are like her, let your personality shine through.
     
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  13. Varzar

    Varzar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yeah, actually my relationship of 19 years now was pretty much dating free as well. We had one official "date", and that was it.
    It's definitely possible with the right person.
     
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  14. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Nothing is normal for us, we move along in life, and do find success in many things, but our way for getting there is more opportunistic and being at the right place at the right time. Life is a draw of cards. Sometimes the cards favor you. Sometimes you return your cards back to the dealer.
     
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  15. Ronald Zeeman

    Ronald Zeeman Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    The quantum view of life
     
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  16. phantom

    phantom Member

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    can't you just move if woman in texas don't like you very much..
     
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  17. Major Tom

    Major Tom Searching for ground control... V.I.P Member

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    I wish I could walk on water and fly too.. Good luck with that.
     
  18. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Just to add, that life is in no way a "linear process". There is no timeline for success or failure in life. It comes, it goes...and not in any order or perceivable schedule.

    Something that was also a "bitter pill" for me to swallow and accept. Yet I know it's the truth.
     
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  19. Ronald Zeeman

    Ronald Zeeman Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    my uncle was a real loner finnally got married in his forties, died last year 98 years old married 50 plus years. his wife had been married more than once before she meet him.
     
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  20. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    One way to "bypass" dating is to save up and pay for a matchmaking services. You need like $3k+.