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I want to hear your success stories!

M

marimbal

Well-Known Member
I've been single for some years now, and the only relationship I've had (which was long before I was diagnosed) wasn't the happiest. I don't think I am particularly bad looking, and there are some things that I'm quite good at, which I know is attractive because I've been attracted to other people mostly because of their similar skills. But, I frequently find myself worrying that other people will never truly be attracted to me (or if they are, that they'll stop being attracted once they find out about my autism diagnosis) because they'll never be able to fully respect me as a complete human being on equal footing with them.
Something I've looking for for a while, something that I think will help enormously, is a 'success' thread. I'd love to hear either from NT's who have had successful relationships with someone on the spectrum, or people on the spectrum who have partners who fully love, respect, and are attracted to them despite their diagnosis. Or even if you've just successfully asked someone out who knows about your diagnosis. I need to be reminded that it's possible.
 
I’m an Aspie in a happy relationship. We just celebrated our six year anniversary. I got diagnosed when we’d been together for about three years. He honestly did not care about the diagnosis because I was still the same person as before, the one he fell in love with. It’s not always easy for him to accommodate me, because we’re polar opposites in some aspects, but we make it work with lots of communication.
 
marimbal said:
I've been single for some years now, and the only relationship I've had (which was long before I was diagnosed) wasn't the happiest. I don't think I am particularly bad looking, and there are some things that I'm quite good at, which I know is attractive because I've been attracted to other people mostly because of their similar skills. But, I frequently find myself worrying that other people will never truly be attracted to me (or if they are, that they'll stop being attracted once they find out about my autism diagnosis) because they'll never be able to fully respect me as a complete human being on equal footing with them.
Something I've looking for for a while, something that I think will help enormously, is a 'success' thread. I'd love to hear either from NT's who have had successful relationships with someone on the spectrum, or people on the spectrum who have partners who fully love, respect, and are attracted to them despite their diagnosis. Or even if you've just successfully asked someone out who knows about your diagnosis. I need to be reminded that it's possible.
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read @Mike Stouffer he hasnt posted for ages ,his wife is NT ,they both scrape by ,she has stage four pancreatic cancer and he has heart disease been married years .
 
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By some people's standards I could be said to have had a string of success stories throughout my 20s and 30s but in my view, my only true success was meeting my wife. We've been together 13 years and have never had an argument. We met online and exchanged emails for a short while before meeting in person. I told her I was autistic on our first date and she didn't bat an eyelid. She liked me so it didn't matter.
 
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I met my wife when I was 30, we have been married for 21 years. We had lots of difficulties over the years mainly because she is very gregarious and I am the opposite, amongst other things.

Things came to a head a few years ago, so I finally went for an assessment as she simply couldn’t get her head around much of my behaviour. Once I was diagnosed with ASD, it was a shock/surprise for her, but not me.

We both had to make adjustments and compromise, and change how we do things. Since then, and our eldest daughter also being diagnosed with ASD, she has accepted what a diagnosis entails and over time she changed her expectations, way of communicating and her understanding of how my daughter and I often communicate without words. She didn’t previously see or understand that I sometimes show things not in words, but by doing things for her for example.

We are now happier and getting on better than ever. We have a new routine, much better communication and understanding, and honestly without my assessment and diagnosis, and her willingness to absorb it, learn about it, take it into account and change, there’s a good chance we sadly might have gone out separate ways.

It’s for this reason that I get very annoyed about what a lot of people on the spectrum write about ‘NT’s.’ They are not one homogeneous mass discriminating against us, treating us badly or humiliating us, there are good and there are the ignorant, just the same as in the autism ‘community’!

My ‘NT’ wife’s hope and willingness kept our family together when I was at a loss what to do, didn’t realise what I was doing wrong or know how to fix things.
 
I don't have a particular success story, but I do have a 2pence worth, from the UK obviously...

I tend to be fairly upfront with people when dating. With my ex (whom I posted about here a few months ago) I was very upfront with who I felt I was in terms of neurological quirks as we had met in my professional environment where I where my coaches/hosts hat and talk to everybody, yes, its exhausting. But when we started dating she said she felt that I was a different (in a good way) person, like she realized there was more than meets the eye. I took the time to explain who I was in a professional sense and who I was in my personal sense. She seemed quite interested in me, so I didn't have any issues or nerves about explaining this. How ever our relationship ended, she was as patient as she possibly could have been with me in this sense and helped me understand some things about the world that I had previously struggled with.

My most recent romantic interest has had this talk too. I have become very conscious of being my absolute self as much as possible, like not necessarily always trying to make eye contact - my ability to do some coloring in whilst having a serious conversation, so others get to know the real me, not the filtered version. It turns out that she has quite severe dyslexia and is often anxious about things like reading menus etc when out - so this enabled her to be open about that too.
 
Me and my wife will have been married 19 years this October. I asked why her or no one told me I was different from everyone else cause I never knew it. She said I love you however you are so why would it matter.
 
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Well, at one point I got it in my mind that it would be a great thing, to become the King of Bulgaria. Oh wait. I had only read the title at first. Nvm.
 
Think my success is in finally meeting one that might be on the spectrum. I always tried to understand why l was so bored with NT men. I am bored beyond tears. I would rather watch paint dry.
 
Tom said:
Well, at one point I got it in my mind that it would be a great thing, to become the King of Bulgaria. Oh wait. I had only read the title at first. Nvm.
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And if you want to repeat what your ancestor did you could have your child in a hotel in London put some soil under the bed and it becomes the kingdom of Bulgaria therefore your child is born on Bulgarian soil
 
Streetwise said:
And if you want to repeat what your ancestor did you could have your child in a hotel in London put some soil under the bed and it becomes the kingdom of Bulgaria therefore your child is born on Bulgarian soil
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Yes, I like that. It is time to make the Bulgars great again! I'll see if I can get the soil from Amazon.

Khan Kubrat Portrait.JPG


"Khan Kubrat {Kurt, Hor Bat or Kuvrat} was born around 585-600 AD. He was of the Dulo clan, from the Unogondurs tribe of Bulgars. In 632 Khan KUBRAT unites politically all Bulgarians and their akin tribes of the Azov and the Caspian sea. In the struggle against the Western Turkic people their khans are forced to recognize the supreme power of KUBRAT and this act practically marks the foundation of GREAT BULGARIA a.k.a. Bulgaria Magna."
 
I'm another 'success story'. I've been with my NT husband for a total of 32 years (dating, living together then marriage which I resisted for years due to being fiercely independent).

I'd had relationships prior to my husband; mainly based on physical attraction as back then I was what was described by many as 'extremely attractive'. My husband was different; he was attracted to 'me' as whole and he often said, and still does, that he loves how quirky I am, that I don't follow the herd, do not dress typically and am far removed from the stereotypical woman.

Physical beauty fades, but I'm still the same person I was pre-diagnosis. Most likely described by some as a pain in the butt :D

I've always known I was 'different' but being female it was impossible to get a medical professional to recognise my differences. I've been told by doctors to 'go and buy a new handbag' or ' go on holiday to New York' (my idea of hell) when I've approached them about my neurological differences.

It came as no surprise to my husband (or me) when I finally received my diagnosis. In fact, it finally gave us both some answers for the challenges I'd faced and continue to face and also brought a sense of relief.

Our relationship will always be 'work in progress' but it's my belief that all relationships, NT or ND, should always be that way because once you've stopped working, it's the end of the road.
 
My NT wife and I have been married for 50 years and have five children ranging from 36 to 50 years old. We have 11 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren. It really is no wonder that we value family above all else. They are our world.

How did we stay together so long? I think it is communication, which leads to understanding.
 
Juliettaa said:
I'm another 'success story'. I've been with my NT husband for a total of 32 years (dating, living together then marriage which I resisted for years due to being fiercely independent).

I'd had relationships prior to my husband; mainly based on physical attraction as back then I was what was described by many as 'extremely attractive'. My husband was different; he was attracted to 'me' as whole and he often said, and still does, that he loves how quirky I am, that I don't follow the herd, do not dress typically and am far removed from the stereotypical woman.

Physical beauty fades, but I'm still the same person I was pre-diagnosis. Most likely described by some as a pain in the butt :D

I've always known I was 'different' but being female it was impossible to get a medical professional to recognise my differences. I've been told by doctors to 'go and buy a new handbag' or ' go on holiday to New York' (my idea of hell) when I've approached them about my neurological differences.

It came as no surprise to my husband (or me) when I finally received my diagnosis. In fact, it finally gave us both some answers for the challenges I'd faced and continue to face and also brought a sense of relief.

Our relationship will always be 'work in progress' but it's my belief that all relationships, NT or ND, should always be that way because once you've stopped working, it's the end of the road.
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I was born and raised in and around NYC. To me it is Mordor.
 
I’ve been in a relationship with another guy for 2 years, with ups and downs , but We are finally on the right track. He either has learning disabilities or maybe even autism.

I won’t approach the subject with him further as the label doesn’t matter. What does matter is acknowledging where are deficits lie and working on them to achieve happiness.

I would say that I probably wouldn’t be able to understand his point of view without the help of lovely people on this forum.
 
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Agree with @SimplyWandering Everyone on this forum has been so wonderful - so ready to give advice and help.

I really do believe that once you understand the differences between how we communicate its more than possible. I suspected ASD in the person I was seeing, and after coming to terms with it himself - we even discuss it together now. This is a total revelation because he's an extremely private person, who doesn't like talking about himself at all.

Two and a half years and ive learnt to never take him or anything about our relationship for granted.

I never see ASD when I am with him, just this wonderful, quirky brilliant man.
 
My boyfriend might be somewhere on the spectrum himself. I don’t really care about what labels apply to him. All I can say is that he’s an extraordinary, intelligent, caring, unique individual who never ceases to surprise me. His chaotic and sometimes whimsical nature can put a strain on our relationship from time to time, but we’ve found a way to make it work most of the time. Again, through lots of communication.
 
Never had a physical relationship with a female but I have plenty of female friends. Be nice to have a girlfriend though.
 
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