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I think my first husband wanted anyone else

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Pats, Aug 20, 2019.

  1. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Parents made me get married at 16.

    Husband (Mike, you don't know him. lol). Even then, he drank and pushed himself onto other women anywhere he went. He never changed. Today it's called date rape, back then it wasn't and I'm not sure who was the one being punished for me getting pregnant - me for getting pregnant, or him, but the answer was you had to get married.

    Me at the time. I didn't know anything about marriage (except it's a lifetime) or cleaning and cooking or even how to take care of myself. I still had to be told to shower and stuff. My dishes would pile up in the sink until there were no clean ones. I often found mold growing in my Tupperware containers in the fridge. Didn't finish school so my jobs that my husband made me get was either waitressing or at a sewing factory. The only thing I did well was being a mother. I remember doctors and nurses being amazed when my son did not have severe diaper rash after a week of real bad diarrhea and no signs of dehydration.

    I remember us going to a dance at a nightclub once. Mike wanted to dance with my cousin, my aunt, our friend, but not me. But they were dressed in the slinky black dresses and heels and looked really nice while I had on a corduroy skirt and winter sweater and boots. It was winter - I didn't know and no one told me how to dress. No one wanted to dance with me - and that's understandable, but was okay because I could never dance - too stiff.

    He told me once that I was actually his second choice, my sister was his first but she wasn't interested in him so he settled for me. He thought he was marrying money - but little did he know that once I was married I became his responsibility, no longer my parents'. I realize I did nothing to make him happy, and I was blamed for his running around, but in my defense he was like that before we got married and was like that with all his other wives until he had a stroke and just couldn't any more.

    I've always loved my son as much as life itself and never once regretted him - he was my world. But when I look back at this time in my life - I still get a little angry.
    No one knew about autism then, and I was just seen as a little weird. (A little???) And, I guess, parents didn't try to know or understand their kids back then either. If they had, they would have seen that I was not ready to be pushed out of the nest yet. But that's what parents did then. Oh, and when I did finally divorce him I was told and convinced I was going to hell - but I was already in hell. But I guess according to them I had to live in hell in this life to avoid it in the next. My mom still loved me and would visit me and stuff, but my dad would never have anything to do with me again. No big loss.
    Oh I've gotta get out of this - I don't like the mood it puts me in when I remember these things. I'll be up working on the apartment today.)
    My point was supposed to be the unknown autism at that time and understanding how others would not really want to be around me.
     
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  2. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    A song by BoyGeorge is now running through my head.

    (Bit cruel)
     
  3. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    I agree. When I was a kid, everyone thought that someone with autism could not take care of themselves and belonged in a institution. I did not know why I was not like other people or even how I was different. I just knew that I was very different. I lived most of my life not knowing that I was autistic. I did not get diagnosed until I was 62. I believe most people did not want to be around me because I was so different.

    However, I have been very, very lucky in my life. I spent my life working with my special interest (machinery) and spent most of that time working alone. In my early twenties, I met and married the best wife in the world. She put up with my weirdness for many years before I was diagnosed, but now we know. Non of this was planed, it just happened. I really lucked out.
     
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  4. Aspychata

    Aspychata But this is my happy face.....

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    @Pats l was pushed out at 17 but because of a stepfather issue and my mom refused to deal with it and of course it was my fault. Whatever, but l went to work and completed high school and took care of 3 kids as nanny. My mom basically cut contact with me until l was married some 20 years later. Now l am on her shiitake list because l divorced the abusive guy. And guess what? It's still all my fault again. l give up.
     
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  5. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    You deserve an unimaginable wealth of love and adoration!
     
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  6. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I don't know any Boy George songs. :)
     
  7. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Sorry, you guys. It went in a different direction than I originally intended. I can't even talk about funny things during those years, I guess, without asking loudly ; WHY??? But I appreciate your comments.
    But I got a lot done today. I got my piano set back up - it's electric but full size so I had to make room for it. Which meant I had to move other stuff around so I ended up placing a table and chair to be able to use, where I had some shelves, which I put in my closet for shoes and bags. :) I had quit playing piano because my back and hands/fingers hurt - but maybe I'll play even a song once in a while. I wouldn't at all when it was put up.
     
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  8. Aspychata

    Aspychata But this is my happy face.....

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    Sorry Pat. You are our first choice here at this forum!! Glad you have stuff done. Sorry l wandered off topic. Don't hold it against me.
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2019
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  9. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Oh, no no no. I meant that I was the one who went in the different direction than intended, not you guys. You were right on following the topic I ended up with. And I'm sorry you had to deal with the crap, too. It's so easy for us to end up in messed up lives without any kind of guidance.
     
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  10. AloneNotLonely

    AloneNotLonely Well-Known Member

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    Don't mean to sound creepy, but a corduroy skirt sounds like a massive turn-on. I did not even know the things existed before reading this thread. Never understood the appeal of slinky dresses, they reveal way too much in unflattering ways.

    I think everything that went wrong sounds more of a case of bad parenting than Autism or anything else. If I had your parents I'd probably be a drunk redneck with 5 kids with 6 different women.

    How did you son turn out? Is he... *pinky*... evil?!
    "My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark."
     
  11. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Not sure what 'pinky' means, but my son turned out good. He's been married for over 20 years and a very devoted husband and father. He's the one that I'm 99% sure also has autism. He does good every opportunity he can - has stopped and finished mowing for an elderly stranger knowing a storm was coming and I think he believes his purpose in life is to pull people out of ditches and stuff. lol (He's into jeeps and off roading). He's the one who let me fix an apartment in his home.

    I agree about the bad parenting - but the autism, I think, did prevent me from being able to care for myself. And thanks for your comment on dress. Corduroy skirt - it was in the early 70's. lol Thing is, I definitely did not fit in or know how to fit in.

    :) Thanks for your comment - loved it.
     
  12. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Corduroy skirts and go-go boots. Yeah, one of my better high school memories of the early 70s. :cool:
     
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  13. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Oh, those boots were made for walkin. lol
     
  14. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I believe he's referring to a villainous mouse from a cartoon, "Pinky and the Brain"

    [​IMG]
     
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  15. AloneNotLonely

    AloneNotLonely Well-Known Member

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    It was a reference to Austin Powers. It was not a serious question at all. I thought of it because of the womanizing and the drinking. Yes that's the first thing that pops into my mind when someone mentions an abusive womanizing drunk, a scene from a funny movie.
     
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