I think I'm a psychopath.

[Emor]

Meh. Never mind. Admin/mod feel free to delete.
EMZ.

 

[Calvert]

 Emor why'd you delete that? If it's bothering you then I suggest you let us try help. Don't bottle it up. 

 

[Emor]

It just seems nothing can be done about it anyway.
I just can't feel emotions right now and it's very hard when everyone else is going on about trying to make friends and I'm trying my hardest to motivate my self or to rationalise wanting friends and wanting to talk to people.
I just have no really desire to make friends with people and find people boring and it's been getting worse.
I'm worried if it gets worse I'll do something stupid to try and feel something :/.
I also feel like my entire social life at times is just a fake. I'm just copying what everyone else does or aspires to be, but I don't want it or aspire it. I don't enjoy talking to people but let on I do, I don't want friends at school but let on I do, etc. and it makes me feel guilty 'cause I feel like I'm lying. What am I supposed to say though? 'Sorry, I don't like you, I'm just using you to make me feel better and normal when I know for certain I'm not. I have zero emotional attachment to you really.'
I have friends online who I like but even then there's times where I seriously think I wouldn't feel anything if I never spoke to them again...
I want to care but I can't.
Sometimes I can but the times I do are becoming less and less and it's upsetting.
I know I'm just whining here and nothing can be done but I just wanted to say something.
IDK why. NOTHING can be done about it :/.
It's not all the time, just for a couple of days at a time.
EMZ=]

 

[Ruby_Aspergic]

Maybe it would make you feel better if you stopped pretending to be normal. I don't bother to for the most part.

 

[Emor]

Nor do I.
But I just feel bad about not caring about being normal so much I don't even give a damn about all of the human race except a couple of people I know personally.
I just really don't care about people for the most part.
I don't even see babies as anything but a lump of matter.
And I don't feel anything anymore. That's what's worse.
I want to feel pain when someone in my family is ill, I want to feel happy when I'm told I'm loved, etc. but I just feel nothing :/. Usually. More often. Etc.
EMZ=/

 

[Calvert]

 We'll, talking about it is a step in the right direction. I can relate to what you're saying. There were a few years of my life when I didn't want any social contact at all. I just preferred to stay in my bedroom and go on the computer or play games. So I understand why you would want to be alone and i've been there myself. In fact, for a few years I stopped going outside and cut out nearly all of my social contact, and for most of my life I haven't had a social life in the proper sense. Now though i'm the opposite in that I want to get out and have friends. However, that doesn't mean I want to be with them 24/7 or that I try to act normal around them. You should just be yourself around others. Don't try to be anything that you're not. I think that if you are yourself then people will accept you for who you are.

Maybe you can't feel emotions for others because you haven't met anyone who genuinely feels emotions for you? I suppose that if you found someone in real life who had the same interests as you then that would be a big help with making a good friend and thus you would build emotions for that person. Maybe you should see a psychologist for some help or support? Just a thought. Can you feel emotions online? Surely you feel something when someone leaves you a nice comment or when they say something funny. Aren't you always having a lul at something? That's an emotion. If you have those emotions then you should have the others - you just need to find them.   

 

[Dani Evar]

It could be just neurosis... not psychosis. Maybe it's just feeling distant from being able to love and be loved, to touch and be touched. Even if it is psychosis, whose cliff I know, there's still a lot of hope---though it might not be exactly as they say, "Between a valley and a mountain, there is a fountain." But I do see the wings of this submerged lovely rail still.

I know that, at this point, running dry of emotions isn't cured by 'shedding the clothing' (as in 'just be yourself'). You want to emotionally feel Reality for yourself, which constitutes a fuller part of being yourself (rather than just being bland). You'd like to fully utilize your intellect and your taste of the Real and the Mysterious. You'd like to Be. You'd like to stand next to the Ocean and still exist (instead of just being annihilated, especially at such a young psycho-developmental age), befriending the fierce tides and seething ebbs. And, I'm sure, due to some mysterious courtesy, you'd like to swim and feel the Unity of the Ocean---and the Sky---too.

I don't mind dying in pain and dentures, at this age of mine. I've long been a wakeful eye of the abyss of existence. I'd love to sleep eternally and be no more. But, I did mind it when I was your age: I still had a lot to do for myself, as an 'artist' ('painter'), not necessarily for others, as our 'families' and 'friends' like to insist. I alone am my dream, a conscious one, like a certain nocturnal carnation. And if I am not the sun, then at least---this I know---I'm a nocturnal dawn.

We both have shadows that do not depart with us ever, Em (at least apparently). It's an arid, desertful world of instant darkness. A world of frosts, too, where the night fills itself so mercilessly, and we do feel that, which for most Aspies is often 'untimely'. How can we not, when we are naked and authentic in the first place?

But, we're also capable of rising, like the sun. Shadows can't do that. We have Existence behind the hills.

I'm sure with genuine (perhaps secretive) love, care, and trust (as in 'give and forgive'), and with a lot of sudden surprise, you'll be able to lift both the seed and the tree from taking root and growing in the void.

No, I'm not 'taking this too seriously' (nor am I trying to change you!), I just care about winter plumage :lol:. Hug.

 

[142857]

Apologies, I've only skimmed throught the OP and the replies. So I just have a quick comment for now:

I am pretty sure that a psychopath wouldn't feel the level of guilt that you felt for laughing at a Mormon. I have known people that I would classify as psychopaths. You are not one.

Seriously, going through being a teenager is hard at the best of times. Throw in some neurological issues and probably one or two comorbid conditions and it can be a nightmare. No wonder you want people to just leave you alone.

 

[Chris]

I can sort of relate. I didn't develop any 'real' feelings for people until my mid-teens and such. Maybe it's something that will develop over time. It certainly isn't anything to work yourself up about. If you're feeling guilty over lack of caring for people, you should pretend to... that will add to the guilt.

Also, one point I will make is you may think you don't care for anyone or anything (well, to some extent) and you can tell me you don't care all you want, but I'm sure if it came down to someone you merely 'like' or such dying you'd probably have feelings you didn't know you have.

Jumbled post.

 

[Sipe]

I can relate to that. Even tho I have (Or at least I try) to have an open mind with different people. I behave well and be nice to other people. But still I have most of the time no emotions at all. And even tho I`m peace loving, I would be happy if over half of the population on earth would die, I would me happy.

Sounds kinda sick but I have this kind of philosophy: There are three kinds of people; 1. Good people. People who know whats right and act like it. 2. Lost people. People who don`t know whats right or wrong so we good people are have to teach them about good and bad. And finally 3. Bad people. People who knows whats right and wrong but still does exactly the opposite like they are supposed to. I also call them "Corrupted" people. And besides, there are way too many people on this planet anyway.

But of course I`m not totally cold hearted person with no emotions. I do care about many people. But there are people who simply deserves to be wiped out of the earth. Thats a cold fact. I bet you all agree with me at least a little bit.

And about that psychopath thing; You are not a psycho. Psychos don`t think they are psychos. Those thoughts you are having are normal. I also don`t care about boring people.

 

[Sipe]

I can relate to that. Even tho I have (Or at least I try) to have an open mind with different people. I behave well and be nice to other people. But still most of the time I have no emotions towards them at all. And even tho I`m peace loving, I would be happy if over half of the population on earth would die.

Sounds kinda sick but I have this kind of philosophy: There are three kinds of people; 1. Good people. People who know whats right and act like it. 2. Lost people. People who don`t know whats right or wrong so we good people are have to teach them about good and bad. And finally 3. Bad people. People who knows whats right and wrong but still does exactly the opposite like they are supposed to. I also call them "Corrupted" people. And besides, there are way too many people on this planet anyway.

But of course I`m not totally cold hearted person with no emotions. I do care about many people. But there are people who simply deserves to be wiped out of the earth. Thats a cold fact. I bet you all agree with me at least a little bit.

And about that psychopath thing; You are not a psycho. Psychos don`t think they are psychos. Those thoughts you are having are normal. I also don`t care about boring people. And besides haven`t we all thought at some point in our lives that we are psychos or freaks? Especially after we found out that we are not "normal".

PS: Sorry if I changed the subject a little bit.

 

[Sipe]

Ups! Sorry, seems I sent the same reply twice...

 

[Emor]

I often think I'd be happier if I was the only person who existed on this Earth.
I don't want them to die because for some reason I feel that'd be a bad thing for them.
More that they didn't have any effect on my life or tried to interact with me. Whenever they do it only seems to have a negative effect :/.
There's probably only 15 people on this Earth which I'd be sad if I could never talk to them again, but idk how sad I'd be over it.
That's both online and offline.
I think that the external life is now an irritant to me. I almost wish I could just spend my entire life just thinking and doing nothing. I seem to be happiest doing that :/. And I don't care all that much if people look down upon me for achieving nothing.
EMZ=]

 

[Calvert]

Do you have depression or generally feel unhappy? Maybe that could be why you don't feel emotions for others as you should.

 

[Emor]

Not really. Just don't feel much :/.
There's no real point to this thread tbh.
EMZ=]

 

[mikeg26843]

i must me a psychopath aswell then, hmm....

 

[mikkyh]

I don't think you are Emor. Not from what you've said.

 

[Emor]

I think at times I'm emotional. Still not your average NT, but yeah.
But then there's times where I just feel like I'm a psychopath, as in, I feel nothing emotionally. I also have no grasp on morals or, tbh, reality.
IDK if it's feeling depressed or what emotionally(I know I just said that I don't feel anything but it's hard to explain), but it's just like this sickness of life, and just completely bored of it.
=/.
EMZ=]

 

[Emor]

I'd just like to say I've read everyone's posts but I've not had the chance to get to them or don't have much to say :S.
EMZ=]

 

[Calvert]

IDK if it's feeling depressed or what emotionally(I know I just said that I don't feel anything but it's hard to explain), but it's just like this sickness of life, and just completely bored of it.
=/.
EMZ=]

I can relate to that right now. Made a rant about it.