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I tend to attract draining people

SunnyDay16

SunnyDay16

Well-Known Member
You know the type, the people who will constantly complain to you about their problems without doing much to fix them and won't ask you a thing about your life. Even though I feel bad for these people, I can't deal with them for too long without me being drained and feeling bad.

Does anyone tend to attract these people? I know they're called energy vampires or soul suckers and for good reason. They don't want to actually fix their problems or take some responsibility for them, they just want someone to tell them what THEY want to hear and dump all their issues onto you. I realize that we all go through times in our life where we want pity and feel pity for ourselves, but I'm talking about people who are like this 24/7 and just don't have the insight or maturity to be anything more.
 
I used to on occasion, trying to be nice. But much further down the road I'm just tired with it and can be very curt/rude on occasion. I'll say something like 'My brain is getting ready to explode, please stop talking, I don't want to know any more.'
 
Yes, this has happened enough to my wife, friends, and I that we have our own terms and phrases. One of my friends calls them dementors (after Harry Potter). I stole that term from him.

Engaging one in conversation is "petting the stray." I'll say hi to someone and politely ask how they're doing. (They're not supposed to actually tell you, right?!) A long, painful, one-sided conversation later, my wife says, "Well, you just pet the stray." Sometimes my wife or friend will recognize "that unstable look" and tell me, "Don't pet that stray." - and I'll do what I can to avoid a conversation.

When it's an acquaintance, I avoid the person or engage them when it's apparent that I don't have a lot of time to talk, or avoid asking about certain topics. Sometimes I work with the person and it's unavoidable. I work with engineers and some of them, when you ask them what time it is, they tell you how to build a watch.
 
I ghost most anyone who convinces me that they are "high maintenance" personalities.
 
There are a lot of them out there. I’m still learning how to escape once they get started. Not only does it make me tired but its depressing as heck.
 
BraidedPony said:
There are a lot of them out there. I’m still learning how to escape once they get started. Not only does it make me tired but its depressing as heck.
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A good hint is that, unless the person has Asperger's, if they are sharing their life story right after you have met them it's a good sign that they are going to be sucking the energy out of you with all their issues.
 
I have attracted some unsavory people in my life over the years, users, abusers, and draining people. In fact a few months ago I met a dude that was AS for dinner, and right away he started in telling me all about how much his life sucks, his life story, and how NT's aren't able to ever understand us, blah blah blah. He came off as super needy, and made me feel so depressed! I stopped replying to his numerous (and ridiculous) text messages after that because I don't want to deal with someone like that in my life. I have enough of my own emotional issues and don't need a person like that adding to my problems.
 
I've had my fair share of limpets in my time. I've always thought it's because I'm naturally quite quiet and reserved, so I'm less intimidating than the loud, popular types. I'm also a listener because I choose not to speak unless I have something valid and hopefully useful to say. Limpets like that :fearscream:
 
Yes. I have wondered why complete strangers would give me their life history - I'm sure I'm looking at them like "Why are you talking to me?" but they just keep going. My sister booked a spa thing for herself, my other sister and me. I didn't want to - I hate even going to a salon and don't. But they took us back individually and we met up a bit later and both my sisters were saying how relaxing it was to just lay there in the quiet and enjoy their treatment. I was like "WHAT???? The lady who took me back didn't stop talking for one second and I knew all her life miseries". What is it? Do we have a sign on our foreheads?
 
I used to be one of those extremely needy people. :(

I am not sure if I am the most qualified person to make a statement about this, but eventually, I realized that having a professional therapist was a good enough vent to let me sit back and listen to what others have to say in my daily life. That, and antidepressant medication.
 
Asking you too much about your life can also be draining, I managed to do that with two people already, stopped after they started complaining
 
Stardust Parade said:
I have attracted some unsavory people in my life over the years, users, abusers, and draining people. In fact a few months ago I met a dude that was AS for dinner, and right away he started in telling me all about how much his life sucks, his life story, and how NT's aren't able to ever understand us, blah blah blah. He came off as super needy, and made me feel so depressed! I stopped replying to his numerous (and ridiculous) text messages after that because I don't want to deal with someone like that in my life. I have enough of my own emotional issues and don't need a person like that adding to my problems.
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He sounds like an exception then to the rule. The only reason I excluded people with AS is because we can have a hard time knowing how much to share with strangers and acquaintances, so we could end up sharing too much information with the wrong people. It's not usually done to purposefully seek people to dump all our problems on.
 
I seem to attract people who want to tell me all about their problems and issues - in the workplace at least, where I am somewhat captive, and am technically part of the 'management team' and therefore am expected to be supportive of staff.

It puzzles me because I never have any idea how they are feeling, so all I ever do is respond with practical advice or suggestions. I've been told I am 'very insightful' and that I have helped many times, but it's a mystery exactly how, since people are typically very emotional, and I don't respond to that at all.

I don't find it tiring or frustrating, or anything like that, but it is very time-wasting sometimes.
 
AO1501 said:
I seem to attract people who want to tell me all about their problems and issues - in the workplace at least, where I am somewhat captive, and am technically part of the 'management team' and therefore am expected to be supportive of staff.

It puzzles me because I never have any idea how they are feeling, so all I ever do is respond with practical advice or suggestions. I've been told I am 'very insightful' and that I have helped many times, but it's a mystery exactly how, since people are typically very emotional, and I don't respond to that at all.

I don't find it tiring or frustrating, or anything like that, but it is very time-wasting sometimes.
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YES! Dealing with someone's misfortune I don't know how to express sympathy and do the typical I'm so sorry bit and I end up dealing with it by explaining WHY they are feeling this way or that. I think emotions and characteristics of people have always been a deep interest of mine and I study people and read a lot of psyche stuff and I think it's fascinating. So that' usually the first place my mind goes when someone starts whining or truly suffering with a big issue. I'm very uncomfortable and don't know how to comfort so I explain and they always say the same about me.
 
Yes, but I have to work with them. Try to get the conversation back to schoolwork, doesn't always work. I have to talk with them they will just keep trying to direct the conversation back to the "drama" that is their lives. They are the students that really drain you.
AO1501 said:
am expected to be supportive
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Yep.
 
Pats said:
... and I end up dealing with it by explaining WHY they are feeling this way or that...
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I wonder if, when people get so emotionally involved in their problems, that simple and practical responses from us might actually seem remarkably helpful and supportive to them. That the last thing that would actually help them is the typical emotive reactions they would get from others.
 
Nervous Rex said:
Engaging one in conversation is "petting the stray." I'll say hi to someone and politely ask how they're doing. (They're not supposed to actually tell you, right?!) A long, painful, one-sided conversation later, my wife says, "Well, you just pet the stray." Sometimes my wife or friend will recognize "that unstable look" and tell me, "Don't pet that stray." - and I'll do what I can to avoid a conversation.
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I read this to my wife and she loved it! She said she could do this for me. Thanks :)
 
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