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I realy dont know how to get back on my feet.

Iamnotarabot

Well-Known Member
Iv found a draft notebook in my room today with some notes in it...

It was some diary notes , In this book I wrote for a few days all of my insecurities , the fact that I didnt know who I was and why I was this bad at everything ; That I was hopeless, that I wanted to die.

It was 8 years ago.

I mean, I always have the illusion that I need no one to realy change the course of my life, but, man in 8 years nothing happened, well I didnt die at least.


I want to do things, but I am unable to start anything at all, and even those little things they are just distractions compared to the real challenges that I should face ,basically finding away to be independant...

Its like if no one force me to do anything I end up drinking cofee all day, eating , refreshing some website 'pages and look at some random youtube videos...
 
Be proud of yourself, you are aware that you do not know who you are, that's a huge step.
Tbh a big driving factor for me motivating myself to do more than that is the fact that i will have a better time doing what you end up doing.
 
Too often I can get mired in all the "I dunno". I end up with a head full of questions with no answers. I discovered that I was trying to tackle everything at once. It was too much for my brain and it was too confusing for me to handle properly. I had accepted stress and chaos as normal. It took time for me to realize that stress worked against me. I consciously chose to limit myself to one issue at a time and to maintain focus on it to protect it. I had spent too much time allowing dilemmas to swirl in my head (unanswered questions with no action). What I deemed as vitally important became a priority, and I had to tackle my priority issue every day until something positive happened. Nothing was allowed to interfere with my priority. I would use the first part of the day to manage goal-related activities, well before the confusion and fear of my regular thoughts could fly around. I stayed focused, and that was a pleasant experience. I felt less stressed. By staying on target, I managed to get a new routine going. I did not succeed from the start. I had to maintain determination, like "getting back up on the horse". None of this happened overnight. It took time to generate the energy to form the commitment I needed from myself to keep confusion and wasted time out of my life. I also needed to kick the negative thoughts out. I allowed myself 1 hour ONLY of negative thoughts per day. I had seen how much the negativity was draining me.

My point here is to bring something positive and beneficial into your life, regardless of it being easy or difficult, and you can make room for clarity of thought and purpose in your daily routine. Everyone on the spectrum suffers from some kind of depression. My approach is to find ways not to be hostage to it. I've been the hostage too many times. I am in a position now where I have to restructure my routine so that I don't get lost in the swirling negativity. Your post is helping me see that there is a way out of the emotional chaos and confusion. I am going back to the gym tomorrow morning. It used to be my anchor, and I need an anchor again.
 
- i've been through the not really knowing who i am am
- looking at other people, realising that they are happy and that i don't even understand what that means, been detached from my emotions for a long time
- always focused on my shortcomings and never really knew what i was good at
- been through the 'trying to fit in' phase, which ended in a burnout

it took me till my mid thirties to realise that i am what i am,
strengths and weaknesses
things i enjoy and things i do not

just like anyone else

you need a direction of where you want to go
appreciate your talents and the things you enjoy
work on your shortcomings best you can
after that all you can do is take things i day at a time

it's like quitting smoking
you try, you fail, you try again and again until it sticks
one day becomes a few, becomes a week, becomes a month ...
if you slip, no problem, just start over

but no one can do it for you
 
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I quit my last full time job six months ago. I was working 7 days a week, 15-16 hour days (without breaks) in a really hostile environment and cutting every corner in the book just to get things done.

I was the only employee in the back of the house, including the dish pit, trying to work every single position at once. I was being paid a salary less than minimum wage while my employer skimmed money off the top of my earnings, while pretending I was imagining it. Lying to the health department and forcing me to cut corners that could kill someone. That will kill someone, sooner or later. Eventually I quit, without references, of course. It's a typical job for me, the only kind of work I can find nowadays. I can keep trying but I'm not likely to get a different result than the one I've been getting. And while I don't want to throw in the towel and plead a special case for myself, I'm not quite sure how to extricate myself from this mess. People say, just find another job. I've tried that. I've been trying it for 25 years. It never seems to get any better.

I have no money, no training, no chance of working in another industry. I'm stuck here, where I'm likely to keep getting the same result. So, yes, I understand what you're saying. For some people, success means getting ahead, making something of themselves. For me, it simply means surviving (often badly) to fight another day.

I can't offer advice. Many people will say, just work hard, pull yourself up by the bootstraps. While that's good advice, it ignores the fact that some people will do that and still fail.

I can only say: good luck in the fight.

Pam
 
Sometimes, having a plan, written down, can help. I have a notebook open where I sit and drink my coffee where I jot down thoughts on plans or projects. It can get you more in the mode of thinking ahead and sticking to things once started. Imagine where you want to be and start laying in the dots/blocks needed to get there. Then start connecting the dots. Last keep something like a box or zip lock bag. When you start thinking about the usual reasons that you can't do something, write it down on a piece of paper and stick it in the box or bag and never let it out again. ;)
 
Iv found a draft notebook in my room today with some notes in it...

It was some diary notes , In this book I wrote for a few days all of my insecurities , the fact that I didnt know who I was and why I was this bad at everything ; That I was hopeless, that I wanted to die.

It was 8 years ago.

I mean, I always have the illusion that I need no one to realy change the course of my life, but, man in 8 years nothing happened, well I didnt die at least.


I want to do things, but I am unable to start anything at all, and even those little things they are just distractions compared to the real challenges that I should face ,basically finding away to be independant...

Its like if no one force me to do anything I end up drinking cofee all day, eating , refreshing some website 'pages and look at some random youtube videos...[/QUOTE
I struggle with this sometimes. One day I came across Benjamin Franklins daily itenerary or schedule. Every night he scheduled blocks of time for the next day. I do this in notes on my device. It goes like this

8am Rise, take first med. Do meditation.
9pm Take second med. Bathe
10am-12n Start lunch on stove, Chores
12n Lunch
1pm special interests of study for personal improvement, ie. sewing, writing books, reading, finish chores if needed, internet.
3pm Evening meditation and prayer
4pm Prepare dinner.
5pm Have dinner
6pm-9pm Socialize or watch TV with husband, Post tomorrow’s Itenerary
9pm sleep

I don’t always do everything or life may interrupt it but it helps me make progress and I get something accomplished. Then on certain days or once a week I have scheduled time for interests away from home. Make yours be what ever you want. Whatever you didn’t finish, just add to the next day if you still want to do snschedule idea trains you in personal discipline and will give you success in life.

Also, If you have any interests at all, give a couple of them a try. You’ll never know if you are good at anything if you don’t try some out. With me, I take a sewing class to try to make my own clothes. At first i was frustrated and afraid I couldn’t do it. Now i’m mastering skill and enjoy it.
 
It's very hard because those who can, do, and give advice. The advice works on others that can. But I agree with Pam. There are some who can't. We don't know what category we are in because a lot of it is just luck. This in no way diminishes those who have really fought hard and won. But it does give comfort to those who fought as hard and maybe even harder and failed.
 
It's very hard because those who can, do, and give advice. The advice works on others that can. But I agree with Pam. There are some who can't. We don't know what category we are in because a lot of it is just luck. This in no way diminishes those who have really fought hard and won. But it does give comfort to those who fought as hard and maybe even harder and failed.
This is also true.
 
I quit my last full time job six months ago. I was working 7 days a week, 15-16 hour days (without breaks) in a really hostile environment and cutting every corner in the book just to get things done.

I was the only employee in the back of the house, including the dish pit, trying to work every single position at once. I was being paid a salary less than minimum wage while my employer skimmed money off the top of my earnings, while pretending I was imagining it. Lying to the health department and forcing me to cut corners that could kill someone. That will kill someone, sooner or later. Eventually I quit, without references, of course. It's a typical job for me, the only kind of work I can find nowadays. I can keep trying but I'm not likely to get a different result than the one I've been getting. And while I don't want to throw in the towel and plead a special case for myself, I'm not quite sure how to extricate myself from this mess. People say, just find another job. I've tried that. I've been trying it for 25 years. It never seems to get any better.

I have no money, no training, no chance of working in another industry. I'm stuck here, where I'm likely to keep getting the same result. So, yes, I understand what you're saying. For some people, success means getting ahead, making something of themselves. For me, it simply means surviving (often badly) to fight another day.

I can't offer advice. Many people will say, just work hard, pull yourself up by the bootstraps. While that's good advice, it ignores the fact that some people will do that and still fail.

I can only say: good luck in the fight.

Pam
I knew a man couldn’t get along with anyone so he and his wife started washing windows. He made it into a substantial living but he lived in a major city. Maybe and opportunity will eventually come. I know you must be exhausted from this experience.
 
Iv found a draft notebook in my room today with some notes in it...

It was some diary notes , In this book I wrote for a few days all of my insecurities , the fact that I didnt know who I was and why I was this bad at everything ; That I was hopeless, that I wanted to die.

It was 8 years ago.

I mean, I always have the illusion that I need no one to realy change the course of my life, but, man in 8 years nothing happened, well I didnt die at least.


I want to do things, but I am unable to start anything at all, and even those little things they are just distractions compared to the real challenges that I should face ,basically finding away to be independant...

Its like if no one force me to do anything I end up drinking cofee all day, eating , refreshing some website 'pages and look at some random youtube videos...

‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got’

‘Same sh*t, different day?’

Make tiny changes in order to change an outcome.
Challenge yourself.
Shake things up a little.

Be brave enough to try something you’ve always wanted to do.

If it doesn’t work out text book style,
So what?
Onto the next, try something else.
 
Sometimes we have to break out of our thinking and do the extreme opposite of what is comfortable. Do the opposite of what you been doing all these years! Dare to create change! Your world WILL open up new possibilities.
 
We're often very .. "meh". Self motivation for mundane life activities is very hard. I go through phases like this where I really can't find the energy to do anything and my every move feels forced.

So as above I would start with a notebook. Jot down some thoughts. Start small. Get a rubbish job just to practice leaving the house. Then brainstorm some more thoughts. Inspiration will eventually find you.
 
Motivating myself for activities i am conciously aware of things that would have a very positive long term effect is far too difficult, sometimes i can mangage, sometimes especially recently i tend to procrastinate my life away. :disappointed:
 
Im starting to do that too. I was overly ambitious until my doctor lowered my thyroid. now I’m slowed down and struggle with depression here and there. My son made me depressed with an issue for two months and i’m just now coming out of it. Now i’m working on my husband’s hoarding issue. I’m old but not terribly old so at times I have ambitions but worry that they would become too burdensome or that I do not have the capabilty for them. I think my main reason for the ambitions were an attempt to find a way to escape poverty, bad living conditions, and my husband’s issues. This website was instrumental in bringing me out of it. Y’all made me feel not alone. So I’m beginning to clean up my area of the house.
 
Most of my depression was situational. My doctor is aware. She wants my thyroid lowered even more but I refuse. When a person gets older and their thyroid is on the high end of normal range or just outside of it, they have to lower it some to protect me from getting afib. I’m having some sporadic heart racing anyway. I was on a tad more medicine than I needed to be more functional. Then I lost 20 pounds. Now that they lowered it I gained it back because it slowed my metabolism. Endocrinologists scare me to death because it is hard to get them to agree with you when you run into problems. They want to go by outdated medical protocols and such. They can really screw me up but I have them compromised right now. My thyroid is probably behind most of my main problems, but the medicine never made me normal again. It just keeps me at a bare minimum of function and stable but larger but stable weight and keeps me from dying. It isn’t as bad as diabetes though.
 

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