I really don't want to sleep tonight. Recurring dream.

[Jorg]

First of all, I have being on vacation, having nothing to do just leads to this. Anyway, I really don't want to sleep tonight, I'm afraid of having the same dream I have had the last 2 days and it is a dream that always comes when I'm on vacation.

It is not scary, but it makes me anxious and sad. I've been dreaming about a girl a used to like back in high school (10 years ago) and apparently she liked me back, we date sometimes but as I was so shy and back then I wasn't diagnosed as an aspie. Anyway, looong story short, my first and only kiss was with her but as I didn't make any move after that, I kinda disapeared for months) when I tried to speak to her again she didn't answer my messages and things really went downhill around 2017. Since then I haven't talked to her nor know anything about her.

In this dreams I have I dream different situations, like, yesterday I dreamt she was at my same university's class and I tried to talk to her but I just couldn't, I wanted to make things right and nice again but I could feel her "hate" to me. All dreams share the same main point, fix things, being with her again, listen to her voice, etc.

Rationally I know I can't do anything anymore, I have to keep going and forward with my life, but these dreams, just broke my heart again and again.

And you know...she was the last girl I really liked, loved, had feelings for her or whatever, since that I just never felt "inlove" again, even when I had a crush on some girls in college I never felt that strong feeling as I had with her, even when I had forgotten about her and I was excited with studies and new people.

 

[An Arctic fox]

I think maybe you should try and get in contact with her and apologize and explain your behavior

 

[Fino]

Ironically, thinking about it will be what makes it most likely to happen. Trying to take your mind off it and relax is probably your best chance of it not happening.

Maybe you can pick something else, something specific, and think about that a lot as you fall asleep, in the hopes of dreaming about that instead.

 

[Progster]

A recurring dream usually means deep-seated unprocessed emotions or unresolved business. Perhaps writing a letter might help to resolve it and process the feelings - things that you want to say to her but couldn't at the time, and then you can choose whether you actually want to send the letter or not.

 

[SusanLR]

I like sleep without dreams due to deep-seated emotions that come out in dreams all the time.
In my dreams now, my parents are always with me and things feel normal or happy.
Then I wake up to realize I will never have them in my life again.
That is a feeling of totally being alone even with others in my life.

Therapy and everything that comes with it doesn't take the dreams away.
I know it is my subconscious saying I want them back in my life and I don't know how to
move beyond that.

 

[Mary Terry]

A recurring dream usually means deep-seated unprocessed emotions or unresolved business. Perhaps writing a letter might help to resolve it and process the feelings - things that you want to say to her but couldn't at the time, and then you can choose whether you actually want to send the letter or not.

That is so true. Many years ago I nearly died of hypothermia while cross-country skiing. I was so cold that I began feeling euphoric and sleepy, everything looked blue, and I took off my skis and laid down in the snow under a tree to take a nap. Fortunately, a girl on a snowmobile saw me, got me on the back of her snowmobile and somehow held me behind her while racing down the mountain. I have never felt such pain as when my extremities began thawing out.

For long time after that, I had a recurring nightmare that I was alone in the mountains, trying to walk in snowshoes in deep snow, snow was falling hard, and everything was silent and blue. It was a silent dream. After several years, I stopped having the dream but I remember it well. I guess my brain had to process having a near death experience.

 

[Bolletje]

I often dream of reconnecting with friends I’ve lost over time. I see it as a normal occurrence, showing that I miss aspects of our friendship. It gives me a bittersweet feeling when I wake up. But it is what it is.

 

[Pats]

I would associate it with you being on vacation since that is when you always have the dream. Maybe the dream represents a happy time that you wish you could enjoy now, just like your vacation - happy time but are you having a hard time enjoying it or wishing to keep it going?

 

[Jorg]

Thanks for all your answers.

Lucky I didn't dream with her today, I was thinking in start like a "Dream Diary" or something like that.

You know, I have a email traking tool in my gmail, like when you send a whatsapp and the doble check turns blue when the contact read the mail, a couple of months ago and maybe like 6 months before that I got an alarm about her opening the last email I sent her, but as I don't want to feel hope that she "wants to talk to me again" I just think it was a false alarm or bug of the application. Btw I didn't install that for her, I found it very usefull for work and university (that thing save me when a professor didn't read my homeworks and he owed me like 20% of a 100 score).

In someway it sucks that all this bad dreams or feeling start this week since my birthday is this sunday 14th.

 

[An Arctic fox]

Thanks for all your answers.

Lucky I didn't dream with her today, I was thinking in start like a "Dream Diary" or something like that.

You know, I have a email traking tool in my gmail, like when you send a whatsapp and the doble check turns blue when the contact read the mail, a couple of months ago and maybe like 6 months before that I got an alarm about her opening the last email I sent her, but as I don't want to feel hope that she "wants to talk to me again" I just think it was a false alarm or bug of the application. Btw I didn't install that for her, I found it very usefull for work and university (that thing save me when a professor didn't read my homeworks and he owed me like 20% of a 100 score).

In someway it sucks that all this bad dreams or feeling start this week since my birthday is this sunday 14th.

Well I hope everything goes well and that you can enjoy your birthday nonetheless.

 

[Gracey]

embrace that heart ache. recognise it, cry over it... bittersweet or otherwise, then let it go.

process the emotion then let it go.
what you're feeling doesn't necessarily require any action on your part to rectify a past event or make things right.
(can't turn back the clock)

now, in this moment, it affects your wanting to fall asleep and dream.

resolve things with yourself first.

allow those (dream) feelings in, process (cry? write? both?)
and then let it go.