I overreact to things

[grommet]

I can't help it, I just see everything all at once, so if there is a possible negative outcome I see it immediately. I made this mistake this morning with a notice I received about a shipment, that the date was being recalculated and it was projected to be a week longer. I was quite upset. A little while ago I received a notice that the shipment has begun and will likely arrive at the original time.

I feel bad about getting so upset but I also react in the absolute about positive things. I still make a mistake but it seems to me that this means it's not pessimism on my part but my intense reaction to things. If it makes things more clear I will give the example of a girl I thought liked me more than she did.

It was years ago, before I met my partner. I had a date with this girl and all the way home I felt very happy, singing songs in my head. I felt the smile on my face. I soon found out that she did not feel the strong way I did about us seeing each other.

It is so hard to be aspie. I find it very hard to feel all the feelings I have, they are so intense they take me over. My girlfriend has the ability to see things more as what's happening now and I hope to learn from her.

Things mean so much to me. I don't care anything about fashion or what's popular in music or entertainment. I don't know who these people are who make the news. I cannot figure why they are important enough to make the news.

I do care deeply about science and art, about people being kind and respectful, generosity. I don't want to pontificate so I will try not to go on (I tend to).

Rocco, I hope it is not wrong to mention you specifically in a post but, your art, the picture you know I like, I see forever in it. It goes on and on. I look at it and it means so much to me it feels like one of the most important things in my life. You painted what I always felt.

The things that matter to me, hit me so hard. On my first date with my girlfriend, almost 5 years ago, she sat close to me and it hurt. Being with her was so intense it hurt physically.

Most of the time I don't like being aspie, but what else would I be if I weren't? In the book The Speed of Dark, the question is asked. I still don't know how I feel about the main character (I am trying not to give the book away). It feels too intense being autistic, things matter so much, the world feels so strongly. People, sounds, everything. It seems even my thinking is extreme because I see the first thing I encounter so totally and don't think past it. I guess that's good if there is a lion in the bush (if Temple Grandin's theory that autism is an atavistic state is correct) but in everyday modern life where there are scary people and confusing circumstances but no lion, it is very very hard.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I really think they're on to something with the intense world theory:

The Boy Whose Brain Could Unlock Autism — Matter — Medium
Intense World: Autistic Brains Create 42% More Information at Rest - PsyBlog

And this was a good article on the emotional aspect of it:

A Radical New Autism Theory - The Daily Beast

 

[Beverly]

I can relate, though from a different perspective, music is my passion and, though I am a loner, I also love performing on stage, the bigger the audience, the better I like it. Not because there are so many people but because of the complete experience. The smells, sounds, energy, lights, music, camera flashes.

When you perform in a rock band, you feel every note, every beat of the music though your whole body thanks to the sound system and volume employed in such concerts. You feel the energy of the crowd, the admiration, joy, excitement and, love they have for the image you present to them. (They don't really love you because they don't really know you, they only know what they see on the stage and hear through the sound system or, have heard in recordings.) Any performer will tell you that so, that is not Aspie specific.

What I think is Aspie specific is analyzing individual scent's sounds and actions within the audience. I can pick out what many of the people in the first two or three rows ate before they came to the concert. I hear what they are saying to each other and, know who has what brand of cell phone or camera for everyone in the first three rows. I know some other musicians do the same but, of those three I know are officially diagnosed Aspies or HF Autism and, the other 4 I suspect are on the spectrum but, not diagnosed, then there is one whom I am 99.9% sure is an Aspie and know he is but, he will not tell me, or anyone else. (That's probably because he is in a high profile time in his career right now, and nearing the time when he will have to make a transition in his career.)