I offended a friend who's an atheist?

[Butterfly88]

Wasn't sure whether to put this here or in the friends, family, and social skills forum but it's sort of religious in nature so I'm putting it here. Me and a group of people were posting spiritual and religious quotes online. It is open to all people of all faiths though many of the posts mentioned God. One person, who is an atheist I corresponded with regularly about various things seemed to hint we are offending atheists. He then said he will no longer post in a thread devoted to God. I responded:

Sorry if I scared you off, I have nothing against atheists. And I did like your Rumi quotes. I then gave him a link to a place to post general inspirational quotes saying I thought he might like that better.

He then private messages me this morning with the subject line "I am not SCARED of God" with a message saying

I am offended, and when I tried to tell you so, you rubbed it in. You are just empty air, and I have unfriended you and put you on IGNORE~!

Did I do something wrong? I didn't mean to suggest he should be afraid of God. But just because he doesn't believe in God doesn't mean I'm not allowed to. I seem to be losing friends left and right lately and I don't understand it.

 

[Dr. Smart]

Need more context to be honest... But based on what you said...

Sometimes religious posts might seem inspirational to the target audience but are exclusionary to others, I've seen religious people say things that come off as disrespectful even if they don't personally understand the context of why.

However sometimes atheists will just outright see anything religious as offensive, they may contextualize any mention of religion with the negative aspects of their own history with it. If your friend is new to being an atheist they may even just feel like your posts are an attempt to pull them back in so to speak.

At least he was initially polite from the sound of it, most atheists would feel uncomfortable in an environment where the majority are expressing religious ideas. So it's understandable he might choose to leave that thread

As for the second part sounds like he took you literally, you said "scared" and he may have been feeling insecure and assumed the worst. Some atheists are afraid if they have discussions about religion with a theist the theist is going to look down on them, or disrespect them, makes it real easy to misinterpret things.

In that mode he looked at what you said in the context of condescension, accusing him of being scared and sending him to a less religious thread which was meant to be a kindness but he might have taken it as coddling.

He might have actually wanted to remain in the thread but was in some way hoping the religious posts would be more moderated In the instance that the posts were actually disrespectful to atheists or if he thought there should be more variation.

Either way if your representation of the interactions is accurate, you did nothing wrong, your friend may have been overwhelmed but he jumped to conclusions and didn't communicate effectively. There may be context I'm missing and there may have been some social issues from your end I dont know about.

 

[Progster]

No, you didn't do anything wrong. He is perhaps super-sensitive and misinterpreted you, but also very rude for no good reason! I'm an atheist and don't find it offensive at all. I may not agree with some quotes about God, but that doesn't mean that I'm offended by them, and there is certainly no need to be rude.
But if he doesn't believe in God and the thread was for religious quotes, why was he posting there?

 

[VJCJ0628]

Don't take it personally, If it were a true friend might have just said "I am not SCARED of God" and allowed you to respond opening dialog allowing you to accept that answer but that did not happen

Everything that person said after that is rude and one-sided. Some people get way too offended way to easy
I just don't have the patience for that, I feel like that is just a form of bullying

 

[tree]

Saying "I am not SCARED of God" sounds
pretty defensive, to me, coupled with the
"you are just empty air" remark.

Trying way too hard to say "I'm right,
you're wrong," without having any
basis that makes sense.

He sounds quite insecure.

 

[Butterfly88]

Thank you everyone!

Need more context to be honest... But based on what you said...

Sometimes religious posts might seem inspirational to the target audience but are exclusionary to others, I've seen religious people say things that come off as disrespectful even if they don't personally understand the context of why.

However sometimes atheists will just outright see anything religious as offensive, they may contextualize any mention of religion with the negative aspects of their own history with it. If your friend is new to being an atheist they may even just feel like your posts are an attempt to pull them back in so to speak.

At least he was initially polite from the sound of it, most atheists would feel uncomfortable in an environment where the majority are expressing religious ideas. So it's understandable he might choose to leave that thread

As for the second part sounds like he took you literally, you said "scared" and he may have been feeling insecure and assumed the worst. Some atheists are afraid if they have discussions about religion with a theist the theist is going to look down on them, or disrespect them, makes it real easy to misinterpret things.

In that mode he looked at what you said in the context of condescension, accusing him of being scared and sending him to a less religious thread which was meant to be a kindness but he might have taken it as coddling.

He might have actually wanted to remain in the thread but was in some way hoping the religious posts would be more moderated In the instance that the posts were actually disrespectful to atheists or if he thought there should be more variation.

Either way if your representation of the interactions is accurate, you did nothing wrong, your friend may have been overwhelmed but he jumped to conclusions and didn't communicate effectively. There may be context I'm missing and there may have been some social issues from your end I dont know about.

One of my posts said God has no religion. So that's pretty inclusive, I guess it could be argued that it doesn't include atheists but no religious quote is going to be liked by everyone.

But if he doesn't believe in God and the thread was for religious quotes, why was he posting there?

I was thinking the same thing. It also allowed spiritual quotes so maybe he was hoping more for that? There just happened to be no other atheists so I guess he felt out of place.

Don't take it personally, If it were a true friend might have just said "I am not SCARED of God" and allowed you to respond opening dialog allowing you to accept that answer but that did not happen

Everything that person said after that is rude and one-sided. Some people get way too offended way to easy
I just don't have the patience for that, I feel like that is just a form of bullying

Good point, if he really cared about me I guess he would have heard me out or even agreed to disagree.

I'm sad he blocked me though, I will miss talking to him about other things.

 

[Butterfly88]

Saying "I am not SCARED of God" sounds
pretty defensive, to me, coupled with the
"you are just empty air" remark.

Trying way too hard to say "I'm right,
you're wrong," without having any
basis that makes sense.

He sounds quite insecure.

I was thinking he sounded insecure too.

 

[VJCJ0628]

Thank you everyone!


"One of my posts said God has no religion. So that's pretty inclusive, I guess it could be argued that it doesn't include atheists but no religious quote is going to be liked by everyone."

Here is the thing you should believe what you believe to be the truth for your own reasons without it having to be inclusive of anyone as long as you are not shoving it down someone's thought (which you were not doing) Anyone that has an issue with that is Not being inclusive of you

Also, he was on the thread where you were to feel welcome posting about this he is the atheist if he were so easily offended he should not have been there all of this is on him not you

It would maybe be different if you were on the atheist thread but you were not

 

[Progster]

I was thinking the same thing. It also allowed spiritual quotes so maybe he was hoping more for that? There just happened to be no other atheists so I guess he felt out of place.

Yes, he probably did, but he had a choice - he didn't need to contribute to or even read the thread if he didn't want to.

 

[Dr. Smart]

One of my posts said God has no religion. So that's pretty inclusive, I guess it could be argued that it doesn't include atheists but no religious quote is going to be liked by everyone

Yeah I wouldn't be offended by that, but it sounds like the thread was religious in general, rather than a mix of secular and religious posts, maybe if you described it as in some way secular when inviting him he may have felt misled, idk but I agree with a lot of these people he does sound pretty insecure.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

He seems to be super sensitive about it. You did write him something that essentially could be interpreted as "Get lost". The whole link to general inspirational quotes thing was a bit of a mistake on your part. It feels very passive aggressive to me, although I'm sure you did not mean it in that way at all. I believe this is what he meant by "rubbing it in".

Being an asshole, I still think it's his fault for getting offended in the first place. Maybe your atheist princess will come back to you eventually once he cools down a bit. If you want to keep him around then it would not be good to call him an atheist princess, but I would definitely introduce this nickname myself.

 

[Judge]

Frankly I've never understood what compels people to dwell on, or aggressively argue over what they don't feel actually exists where they can neither empirically prove or disprove it.

Except perhaps from a philosophical and political perspective. That of say, Karl Marx. Who felt that religion was counter-productive in a socialist society as an "opiate of the people". Ironically with such a metaphor people could have said the same about alcohol apart from opiates. Though if one is an atheist but not a Marxist why bother, especially if they exist in a non-Marxist and democratic society?

I don't believe that pink unicorns actually exist. However because they don't exist in my own mind, I'm not devoting any effort to prove as such. Why? Because I believe that they don't exist. Though if you believe to the contrary, that's fine too. And what if God exists and so many religions are wrong- in whole or in part? Can one prove this? No, but one can choose to believe it if they desire. Is it so intolerable to put up with those of us with faith alone?

Personally I just see us all on "metaphysical journeys" where spirituality or religion may or may not be a part of that particular incarnation. No harm, no foul no matter what fork in the road we take.

 

[Dr. Smart]

Frankly I've never understood what compels people to dwell on, or aggressively argue over what they don't feel actually exists where they can neither empirically prove or disprove that a deity exists.

Except perhaps from a philosophical and political perspective. That of say, Karl Marx. Who felt that religion was counter-productive in a socialist society as an "opiate of the people". Politics as usual.

Though if one is an atheist but not a Marxist, why bother? I don't believe that pink unicorns actually exist. However because they don't exist in my own mind, I'm not devoting any effort to prove as such. And if you believe to the contrary, that's fine too. And what if God exists and so many religions are wrong- in whole or in part? Can one prove this? No, but one can choose to believe it if they desire. Is it so intolerable to put up with those of us with faith alone?

Personally I just see us all on "metaphysical journeys" where spirituality or religion may or may not be a part of that particular incarnation. No harm, no foul no matter what fork in the road we take.

The harm tends to come from not the existence or nonexistence of god but rather the people who believe in his existence Wether it be theists who are willing to look down on people who aren't of the same faith as them, or theists willing to crash planes into buildings and kill thousands it really becomes an issue.

Now i don't believe in pink unicorns either, but for the most part people who do believe in pink unicorns don't have a role in making laws and at tge very least they usually don't base their decisions regarding said lawmaking on their belief in pink unicorns.

If someone choses to believe (though most don't have a choice, they're indoctrinated from childhood to resist any other option besides blind faith.) They can believe in whatever god they choose, but I have a problem when they use those beliefs to justify hatred, force their ideas on to others, and base their morality on vague ideas of what their imaginary friend desires.

Dont get me wrong I don't dislike theists, I'd have to dislike most of my friends and family, but I feel atheists have good reason not to keep their mouths shut. We aren't just flapping our lips, we actually find religion harmful not just to ourselves and minority groups, but to society as a whole and secular humanism seems a better system to deciding how to treat one another than ancient fairy tales

 

[Judge]

The harm tends to come from not the existence or nonexistence of god but rather the people who believe in his existence Wether it be theists who are willing to look down on people who aren't of the same faith as them, or theists willing to crash planes into buildings and kill thousands it really becomes an issue.

Yes, but humans can feel compelled to defend their point of view or belief system with lethal force over much of anything. In that light we could be at each others' throats over just that- anything.

Strikes me as a lot to be so negatively preoccupied with.

Is religion the problem, or simply humanity itself ?

Extremist beliefs and feelings of superiority can be manifested over just about anything. Religion, race, culture, ethnicity, nationality, political ideology...all with a same common denominator- humanity.

 

[VJCJ0628]

The harm tends to come from not the existence or nonexistence of god but rather the people who believe in his existence Wether it be theists who are willing to look down on people who aren't of the same faith as them, or theists willing to crash planes into buildings and kill thousands it really becomes an issue.

Now i don't believe in pink unicorns either, but for the most part people who do believe in pink unicorns don't have a role in making laws and at tge very least they usually don't base their decisions regarding said lawmaking on their belief in pink unicorns.

If someone choses to believe (though most don't have a choice, they're indoctrinated from childhood to resist any other option besides blind faith.) They can believe in whatever god they choose, but I have a problem when they use those beliefs to justify hatred, force their ideas on to others, and base their morality on vague ideas of what their imaginary friend desires.

Dont get me wrong I don't dislike theists, I'd have to dislike most of my friends and family, but I feel atheists have good reason not to keep their mouths shut. We aren't just flapping our lips, we actually find religion harmful not just to ourselves and minority groups, but to society as a whole and secular humanism seems a better system to deciding how to treat one another than ancient fairy tales

There are other types like people who believe in communism or racism that are involved in making laws too, While I don't agree with them, It has nothing to do with this thread.

This thread is not about agreeing or disagreeing with any or lack of theology, As the thread in question was a spiritual thread in the first place.

In the same way, if I were to go onto a white supremacist or black panther thread and disagreed, I should not expect it to go well, There would be no reason for me to do that unless I was looking to pick a fight in the first place

 

[Judge]

I think the point is there are issues and situations where people will choose to be offended- or not. And that there's little one can do about it. It doesn't make them right and you wrong, or vice-versa.

But it does reflect that we're all human, with various capacities to tolerate the beliefs of others- or not.

Unfortunately in America these days, it seems all to easy for just about any subject to potentially become contentious in some way. Like a contagion that has spilled into too many other aspects of everyday life. Set off by one too many "hair-triggers". In a political and legal environment that isn't all that favorable to atheists. Which of course, isn't the fault of the OP.

 

[Dr. Smart]

There are other types like people who believe in communism or racism that are involved in making laws too, While I don't agree with them, It has nothing to do with this thread.

This thread is not about agreeing or disagreeing with any or lack of theology, As the thread in question was a spiritual thread in the first place.

In the same way, if I were to go onto a white supremacist or black panther thread and disagreed, I should not expect it to go well, There would be no reason for me to do that unless I was looking to pick a fight in the first place

Why are you directing that at me, I'm sorry for replying to the person who changed the topic?

 

[Dr. Smart]

I didn't come to create contreversey, I felt judge was implying that they misunderstood why someone would care about theism if they werent a theist, I tend to over explain so sorry if it came out looking like a rant.

 

[tree]

Let's leave the Political references out.

This Religion area was created specifically for
people to be able to discuss religious topics
separately from Political ones.

Topic is OP's concern regarding an incident
involving a self-proclaimed atheist who said
he would no longer post in a thread devoted to God.

OP was wondering if she had done anything wrong,
to offend him.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

The guy is probably young.

Insecure,likely.
Lashing out because he was triggered.
His world view is still an early stage of being formed.

An interesting example of thinking about forgiveness.

Your feelings brought into play by his reaction represent the challenge of forgiveness that he has presented you with.

Perhaps that is your journey for this and many other things.

One way to look at it