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I need help fixing my life

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Jumpback, Jun 1, 2020.

  1. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    What happened was girlfriend and I were involved with antique mall and I sold things online. The idea was just to free myself up from working a regular job so I could trade stocks. We were buying a house and all this could go in the basement of the house we were supposed to be buying and in a building out back. But she left and I have been trying to save storage units with only having the rental truck for one day and no one to help me, so I just threw things in here.

    I don’t know how to organize things in here and I am surrounded by this mess 24/7. I try to get something accomplished either by organizing or listing things on eBay, but I just pace around and become a nervous wreck, then give up and do bad habits or post on the forum. Meanwhile complete financial disaster is getting closer and closer.

    I’ve gotten a lot of fantastic ideas on here about what to do, and feel a lot more optomistic now and less depressed, but I am still overwhelmed and just avoiding due to anxiety.

    Like I guess that I know what I need to do: get up every day at the same time. Make lists so I don’t get overwhelmed and know which thing to do first. Keep my mind busy with movies or CBT therapy videos or with thinking about things people are posting on the forum to not think of problems or catastophize

    I think that I know more or less what to do, I just almost really need a manager for awhile to just tell me what to do, especially just tell me how to organize things so I can work with a clear head. And like tell me what is trash and what is good and so on. I guess that I just doubt that I can do this myself. Part of the problem is in dealing with anxiety to try tackle this I have gotten more and more caught up in bad habits.

    Like here are a couple pictures of how bad it is. First one is my living room (I half want to throw blue thing away, but it was next to impossible for me to get in here) and second is my kitchen. There are 2 floors and a smaller basement that all look like this.

    I don’t know exactly why I am writing here. Maybe if I write down what I need to do and have others read it, I’ll actually fight through all the anxiety and do it

    But I really just wish for everything to magically be neat and organized or for it all to just go away. I don't really want to be adult right now and have adult problems to deal with.

    upload_2020-6-2_0-27-4.jpeg


    upload_2020-6-2_0-27-28.jpeg
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2020
  2. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Can't really help you here. But the idea is to identify the major block- girlfriend abruptly leaving causing you to feel lost and this is represented by the chaos. Would it help to grieve and work through your feelings of this relationship ending? Hoping by tackling this, then you may understand why you are so blocked now. These piles represent more then just the physical space they occupy. Can you try to find some closure, and also maybe start with just one room first?
     
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  3. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    The forum has really helped with advice on how to deal with anxiety and to make lists and so on. I didn't really know what was going on with me why organizing things and my day was so hard, but the executive functioning part fits, so I am more at peace with not being good at organizing

    It has also given me interesting things to think about and not just problems and regrets and so on

    But all this stuff is related to my ex-girlfriend. And I was pretty far into going downhill fast when I found the forum.

    I guess that I still haven't quite accepted that this nice life with this nice girl I dearly love is gone for good and am probably never going to fully accept it.

    I guess that I could just focus on like the pile in the living room and try to ignore that it's like this everywhere. Like just have success in one spot to have sactuary from the clutter and start to rebuild my self confidence
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2020
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  4. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    I guess the bigger block than my ex-girlfriend is that I don't believe that I can do this, especially without relying heavily on bad habits to deal with the anxiety. I have always had severe struggles with being neat and organized.

    I guess that these piles represented feeling hopelessly trapped by needing to do something that I doubt that I can do.
     
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  5. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member

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    Decluttering - watch some tidying, decluttering stuff on youtube. It can help with motivation & ideas. I used to watch a Brit show called 'Obsessive compulsive cleaners' - they'd pair obsessively neat people with hoarders and get the place organised & livable.
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2020
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  6. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the idea!

    What I really need is for the obsessive compulsive cleaner to show and help. A difficult part is that there isn't much actual trash, there are things that should be thrown away because they are more trouble than they are worth, but I have a difficult time deciding what should go in the dumpster and what shouldn't.
     
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  7. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member

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    This is something that's portrayed in the show - difficulty with what to keep or toss. I guess since your stuff is potentially sellable, a webpage or irl a yard sale, or a market stall, you need to sell, that'll clear some space.
     
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  8. cnn

    cnn Let`s talk

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    I think this is great idea. Let the people decide what is trash and what is not. I assume you have more difficulty with less valuable items.

    1- Sort the "big volume pieces" aside, dirty or broken aside, some how cute looking aside.
    2- Now sort each group in to two by thinking; would you pay 5 $ or 1$ for it,
    3- Now take them out and tag them

    If it is too much at once, start by doing some, and then write back here how it goes.

     
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  9. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the idea about the yard sale, but I am almost positive it's not allowed in the apartment complex I live in. We don't have garages to have a garage sale and since it's one long apartment building and these aren't huge apartments, there isn't much space between apartments to spread things out to have a yard sale.

    Most of this stuff was supposed to go to an antique mall or eBay, but I already lost antique mall spots because my girlfriend and I did that together and I couldn't do it on my own after she left. But some of it really isn't worth messing with. Or too big for eBay. I want to sell things like lamps or chairs on like craigslist, but I don't even have a place to take good pictures of things to sell on craigslist.

    That show really is a good idea of something to watch to give me ideas of what to do, and to not feel like such a freak for being in this predicament. I may try to find if there is anything like it online I can watch
     
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  10. cnn

    cnn Let`s talk

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    Ok,

    1- There are lots of people converting such pieces in art or handcraft. Think yourself in an island and imagine what you could do with them. Can you turn them in to decorative pieces with a glue gun maybe?

    2- If you have a large,clean bed sheet which could cover the back ground, you can take a photo or do it in your living environment.

    3- Focus on the real deal. Do you need the space or sell the valuable items!!! How much does these worth all together? Will it float you or even selling all will not be enough?

    4- Do visible something, at least with a plan and ask for a genuine help/ coaching from your friends or ex.
    Do not approach her to clean it for you!!!

    5- Keep up the spirit!!! There is always a flame burning in you that comes out just when needed. Do not give up and sit on your S. Remember the Jackie Chan strategy. How he jumps from windows to balconies and end up on the roof : )

    People like success stories. If you are in action, people will join you to help.
     
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  11. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    At times like this, I really see the value of having friends. Like if I had a friend (I basically have one friend but he is almost as bad at organizing as I am) to call to come help me, they could take whatever they wanted as payment for help. But I have some valuable things in here and I couldn't trust someone I meet now

    Stupid being an introvert plus being on the Aspergers, and I let things get to where my world revolved completely around my girlfriend. I was ok with this, but then when she left, I was completely alone.
     
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  12. cnn

    cnn Let`s talk

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    Ok mr S.I.Plus.A., you came all the way here, dont worry. Now stand up, do something and be an inspiration to all of us who went through similar mess, this way or another.
     
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  13. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for this and for specific recommendations. Positive visualization that I can succeed at this is a big issue, but giving up and not trying and avoiding ain't going to make the problem go away. Sort of like just get up and try something, anything, but just don't just give up.
     
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  14. cnn

    cnn Let`s talk

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    My friend we learn by trial and error. Dont worry, just show some enthusiam, have something in your hand, knock some doors and ring some bells.

    No candy for kids, sitting on their S on halloween nights.
     
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  15. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    The British show l watched, they gave people who were facing eviction, the simple chore of going thru a section at a time. So they would take one room and split it into 8 sections on paper. Then the person would work on one section at a time and mark it done. This really worked. The dweller would go thru that section and dispose of at least half of that section. This allowed them to stay in their apartment. Some states are proactive and step in and provide help for senior citizens. On the American show l watched, some people suffered from trauma and that seem to shut them down and they were unable to move forward with day to day things. You may need to let go of things that will take to long to list and get a worthwhile profit. Because of the fact that it is sapping you mentally.
    I always felt l never wanted to be managed by my stuff. I prefer to be in control. Because executive functioning does limit us so l try to realise this as a daily mantra. Lol. Control your stuff. BAM, I feel better.
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2020
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  16. Creep

    Creep Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

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    You may want to contact a professional organizer. That’s a thing now. I don’t know anything about them other than that they exist, but it sounds like you could use some in person help. Good luck.
     
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  17. Ken S.

    Ken S. Dog Cookie King V.I.P Member

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    Many great replies here. Looking at how things are "organized" I would start with designating a room to clear so you can put shelving on all the walls. You can't really organize until you have a place to put everything. Then slowly go through things and as you put things up catalog their location or put labels on the shelves. Discard what you don't need. Sorry about the girlfriend thing. I know I would feel lost without my wife.
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2020
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  18. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    I think they said finances were stretched a bit. Which can contribute to indecision because you know what needs to be done but you feel you can't move forward.
     
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  19. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    I wish the biggest problem was the clutter, but right now money issues are the biggest. Plus there is I am about to lose a couple storage units and bad habits

    I was really starting to give up on life when I found the forum
     
  20. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, that’s what’s been happening to me. Not from trauma but I was shutting down and unable to move forward with day to day life. Nothing but problems and unhappiness and regrets and frustrations and cooped up by myself completely isolated 24/7 with this mess

    The forum really has changed my outlook and given me hope, but I am just starting from in this massive hole right now

    Even though clutter is far from the biggest problem directly, it makes it hard for me to work and get things on eBay or sell them through craigslist and it sort of clutters up my mind with it

    And if I could get to a point where I have a happy positive work and living environment, I think it would help me be a lot more positive in general