• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

I meet a guy who's a ladies man.

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
I just don't know how he does it. He is not the most attractive guy actually he looks ugly with that beard. Yet at Church possible single girls flock to him and he talks to them so easily and has long conversations. They sit next to him at Church and at events.

Yet all I can attract most if the time is couples. When i see him next time I will ask him why the women not couples flock to him.
 

Thinx

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Sounds like a good plan, Tony. Probably don't tell him about the beard spoiling his looks though. He's possibly a good listener? You could be too.
 

Suzanne

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Personality over looks come to mind. Good looks fade, when the personality is bad and bad looks fade, when the personality is amazing.

So, he is obviously a very positive person, whom ladies like being around.
 

Forest Cat

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Attitude, confidence, dressing well, personality, being positive, there are things that make people attractive even if they don't look like a young Johnny Depp.
 
Last edited:

Rodafina

Hopefully Human
V.I.P Member
When you're a guy, having women "flocking towards you" is usually a good thing. ;)

Actually, it is in an interesting behavior, and some of it could pertain to humans finding mates. I am just learning about this because of this thread, I had no previous interest in why exactly birds flock, but I just learned quite a bit about it.


NB: “An added benefit of flocking is that individual birds have a higher probability of finding and securing a mate. Concentrations of waterfowl on fall staging and wintering areas ensure that individual males and females have an opportunity to court and pair. In most duck populations, however, drakes outnumber hens, so some males will inevitably be unsuccessful in securing a mate.”
:oops:
 

Forest Cat

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
In most duck populations, however, drakes outnumber hens, so some males will inevitably be unsuccessful in securing a mate.”
:oops:

I have mallards in a stream next to my house every summer. This year I saw 13 mallards there, 6 females and 7 males. They paired up, except for one male that was left alone. He tried and tried, hitting on the girl ducks but he was chased away again and again. I felt so bad for that duck! :( I know I can't care about things like that but I saw them every day for a while and it was too sad. Poor little duck. I wish I hadn't seen them. I was thinking about writing a story or a song called "The 13th Duck", but it would be too sad.
 

Rodafina

Hopefully Human
V.I.P Member
I have mallards in a stream next to my house every summer. This year I saw 13 mallards there, 6 females and 7 males. They paired up, except for one male that was left alone. He tried and tried, hitting on the girl ducks but he was chased away again and again. I felt so bad for that duck! :( I know I can't care about things like that but I saw them every day for a while and it was too sad. Poor little duck. I wish I hadn't seen them. I was thinking about writing a story or a song called "The 13th Duck", but it would be too sad.
Absolutely heartbreaking.

Everyone keep an eye out for the 13th duck, who is going to need a friend!

@Forest Cat, in my twisted mind you could turn the story of the 13th duck into some kind of hopeful portrayal of perseverance through difficulty, sorrow, and misfortune. I don’t know, sometimes I’m too much of an optimist, I’m just feeling good today :sunflower:
 

Ronald Zeeman

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I wish I knew the answer, being a guy that tends to attract women, I actually prefer being on my own. Must have some sort of animal magnetism, my oldest son has it as does my cousin a musician. they both have the same personalities sort of like a fractal. my cousin told me of girls chasing him in high school and having to hid to escape them. I remember once going to a family reunion and watching all my son's young female cousins following him around. when I mentioned this to him years later, he did not know, they were behind him. His first job interview for a technician at a small plating shop. female owner he leaves as a manager. still do not know how he did it. combination, of brains looks and being social.
 

1ForAll

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
When you're a guy, having women "flocking towards you" is usually a good thing. ;)

Um, not in my case. If I was a sex starved guy, was a cheater, wanted other attention from ladies, or had some other need they could give, then perhaps. But, I cannot think of anything worse than a group of ladies coming up to me, or one by one approaching me to socialize. I am not into small talk, don't have tons of time or interest to be chatting with others I do not know, do not want others thinking I am needy like that, and frankly it would stress me out more than give me any benefit. I am an introvert and see most contacts as not very comforting, and as I am used to doing everything myself, at my own time, frequency, pace and ways.

The same is true if lots of guys came my way. I am the one-to-one type and need a connection with others. Quality is more important than quantity. I do not get any enjoyment with me adored by many. Even if I was single, I'd want my space. Let me mostly approach another when I am ready, wanting or able. I realize though, many men or others are not me, or they may be more typical, needy or desperate there. People these days are free to deviate from old style norms or beliefs. Also, people are busier these days, communicate more in other ways and can see in-person contacts or communications at times only thus important if some bigger benefit, if not just harming or annoying.

Maybe I am a weird for not wanting women and men to approach me, unless I knew them well first and could relate. I just know others approaching me otherwise freaks me out, unless that meeting was planned. This does not mean I would not be polite or nice to them, but just that the exchange would be unexpected and brief.
 

Ronald Zeeman

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I like hanging with the women at parties, mainly we socialize quietly with people we know wife and I went too lunch yesterday with single women friend of my wife, lady has degree in mathematics.
 

Neonatal RRT

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
He's possibly a good listener? You could be too.
@Tony Ramirez,...THIS is great advice.

Generally speaking:

If there is one thing that I have learned and heard repeatedly by psychologists and people, in general,...is that sometimes people just want to be heard,...they want to be listened to. Furthermore, I would also suggest, that because of the differences in the "typical" male and females brains,...men, when they get into these emotional, social, relationship conversations with women,...men tend to offer logical, rational advice on how to "fix" the situation. Seems like a logical thing to do,...but is quite often the wrong thing to do with females. Most often females approach things from an emotional perspective, because that's where a good chunk of their intelligence lies, and they just want you to shut the "F" up, listen, and validate their feelings,...and they don't want you to "fix" or "repair". If you are interrupting her train of thought with helpful advice, it can be rather disruptive,...and counterproductive. There are times to open your mouth and say something,...and that is to validate her feelings. An intelligent female often has the mental tools to work things out on her own,...she doesn't need your help. If she is trying to work something out in her mind,...the first step for most women is to talk about it. How to fix the situation comes later. On the other hand, stereotypically, males go to other males regarding how to fix something,...they bypass that "feelings part" and want to get to the heart of the matter,...and that's a perfectly good dynamic sometimes,...but don't make that mistake with women unless they are specifically asking you how to fix something.

I will do this frequently with my wife. She comes home from work, often frustrated, tired, emotionally drained. Then I will say, "So, how was work?" Now, obviously, she had a crappy day at work,...I know that,...but what I am doing is getting her to "vent". I will ask her those questions,...then I shut up and listen. We both know there isn't anything that I am going to say or do that will fix anything,...seriously, that's not the point. However, psychologically, if she doesn't expel all that pent up emotional energy,...it consumes her mood,...just a crabby, grumpy person to deal with. It effects her ability to sleep,...and the next day, she's physically and mentally "trashed". So,...I get her to vent all that energy,...I give her a hug and and kiss,...NOW we can start the remaining part of the day as two pleasant human beings.

For many women who haven't experienced this from the men in their lives,...this is a "breathe of fresh air",...and if you can be that "someone" for another person,...boy, that's a precious thing.

As an autistic male working in a predominantly female workplace,...surprisingly,...or not,...my lack of verbal intelligence has made me one of those "listening posts". Now,...that I am older and wiser with this regard,...and when I see someone having a particularly stressful day, I may corner them a bit and simply ask how they are handling this or that,...and then the emotional flood gates open as I am standing next to them, I am postured with my head down so neither of us have to look each other in the eye and start crying, I am off to the side a bit with each other's ear by our mouths in a rather private conversation, hands in my pockets, and am intently listening to everything they have to say. I don't have to offer anything, but my ear and occasional words of encouragement. It's an amazing thing,...just listening,...she is left feeling the weight has been lifted, a smile is given, and I move along with my day.
 
Last edited:

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
Attitude, confidence, dressing well, personality, being positive, there are things that make people attractive even if they don't look like a young Johnny Depp.
He is an incredibly positive person. He came up to me during the retreat when he saw me standing alone. So, ladies must see that when they or he approaches them they don't reject him.
 

Forest Cat

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
He is an incredibly positive person. He came up to me during the retreat when he saw me standing alone. So, ladies must see that when they or he approaches them they don't reject him.

Yeah positive people tend to draw people to them. And maybe especially if they are able to stay positive when faced with hardships and problems. People sense negativity and it's not especially desirable. But I'm not an expert or anything, I have just noticed some things over the years. There's a lot more to attraction than just a pretty face.
 

Rodafina

Hopefully Human
V.I.P Member
He is an incredibly positive person. He came up to me during the retreat when he saw me standing alone.
@Tony Ramirez, he sounds like a really positive social role model. Even, a good “wingman” if you are looking for one of those – here, we are back to birds. I don’t know exactly what a wingman is supposed to do, but I know they offer some kind of support toward socializing.

Maybe I am a weird for not wanting women and men to approach me, unless I knew them well first and could relate. I just know others approaching me otherwise freaks me out, unless that meeting was planned. This does not mean I would not be polite or nice to them, but just that the exchange would be unexpected and brief.
Same here. A flock sounds unpleasant and confusing.

Just more evidence that people are looking for different things. It sounds like Tony and Forest Cat would enjoy a flock, whereas @1ForAll and I are not the flocking type.
 

Au Naturel

Au Naturel
@Tony Ramirez, he sounds like a really positive social role model. Even, a good “wingman” if you are looking for one of those – here, we are back to birds. I don’t know exactly what a wingman is supposed to do, but I know they offer some kind of support toward socializing.


Same here. A flock sounds unpleasant and confusing.

Just more evidence that people are looking for different things. It sounds like Tony and Forest Cat would enjoy a flock, whereas @1ForAll and I are not the flocking type.
Flock is likely a figure of speech. He probably is not surrounded by numerous women simultaneously requesting his attention.
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
Yeah positive people tend to draw people to them. And maybe especially if they are able to stay positive when faced with hardships and problems. People sense negativity and it's not especially desirable. But I'm not an expert or anything, I have just noticed some things over the years. There's a lot more to attraction than just a pretty face.
He told me that he lost his job and has been out of work for about 2 months but he is not bitter about it.
 

paloftoon

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
The adage, "Beauty is the eye of the beholder", is applicable here.

You might think he's ugly, but others don't.
It's very cliche for people to say that people go by personality and not looks (so much).

I think most people tend to go for a combination of both, and then a lot of people don't match up because we have things we are picky about that maybe we should or shouldn't be picky about.
Some of it is timing and luck.

Maybe asked beard guy what he does for work and does he have a workout routine that maybe you could consider as well.
 

Au Naturel

Au Naturel
The adage, "Beauty is the eye of the beholder", is applicable here.

You might think he's ugly, but others don't.
It's very cliche for people to say that people go by personality and not looks (so much).

I think most people tend to go for a combination of both, and then a lot of people don't match up because we have things we are picky about that maybe we should or shouldn't be picky about.
Some of it is timing and luck.

Maybe asked beard guy what he does for work and does he have a workout routine that maybe you could consider as well.
Beauty is what turns the head but personality is what keeps the attention fixed. Nobody who bases their social life on "good looks" is worth the effort. Just as someone who demands a high level of income in a partner is unworthy of attention.

If you love someone, that person ought to be beautiful to you because seeing them elicits pleasure.
 

New Threads

Top Bottom