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Featured I like her.. she's on the spectrum as well

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by bchamp, Nov 14, 2017.

  1. bchamp

    bchamp Active Member

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    Okay, so my social skills have improved greatly since I started working front end at a grocery store. And I've become quite fond of this one girl that I find myself working with quite often. Although, I'm quite sure she is on the spectrum from the way she does act. Can't explain how exactly, but I'm only worried that she may not understand or even be able to feel the same way I might. I do really like talking, and working with her even though there's little time to interact socially. So far we don't get the exact same breaks at work.

    I've added her on Facebook, and want to talk some more but I'm unsure how to move things forward with her. We are both out of school currently, only thing we both currently do is working at the same store, doing similar tasks.
     
  2. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    What about saying I like you would you like to meet for a drink I think a certain amount of people like honestly
     
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  3. Beguiling Orbit

    Beguiling Orbit Neurotribe Champion V.I.P Member

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    There's nothing wrong with being honest and straightforward, but I would think twice before asking her out at work. In this current #MeToo environment (with regard to reporting sexual harrassment), you can't be too careful. I'm not saying you SHOULDN'T, just proceed VERY CAUTIOUSLY. If she friended you back on FB, that's a good sign.
     
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  4. Bolletje

    Bolletje Well-Known Member

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    If you do find yourself chatting with her, ask her if she'd like to hang out sometime.
     
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  5. bchamp

    bchamp Active Member

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    I'll do that, likely.. If I get the chance, and I hate asking that sort of stuff through social media. I'm gonna see if I can figure out her interests, and so forth. Only thing I hate doing, is talking about this sort of stuff around others haha.
     
  6. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    If you're a decent man a woman wouldn't be worried if you're a male chauvinist or a bigot then she would be worried
     
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  7. xudo

    xudo something V.I.P Member

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    I think so long as you're not looking to sexually harass a woman, then you should have nothing to worry about. I wouldn't have said that #metoo is an environment, but more that it is a way for women to speak out about experiences they have had in an attempt to open peoples eyes.

    I agree with @Bolletje. If you find you're having a chat, then ask about hanging out. Maybe (as you mentioned) find out if you have any common interests and that way you have something to really get into a conversation about. You never know, if you find you share some interests, she may ask you if you'd like to hang out :)
     
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  8. Beguiling Orbit

    Beguiling Orbit Neurotribe Champion V.I.P Member

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    I agree wholeheartedly. By calling it an environment, I simply meant that we're in the midst of it. I was not trying to diminish the importance of this moment in history. Whatever we're in the midst of (environment, moment in history, movement, awakening, etc.) #MeToo is long overdue and good for society.
     
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  9. onlything

    onlything Gathering pieces V.I.P Member

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    I wouldn't say that getting 'friends' on fb means anything. People just do it on principle, even with those they met only once or never.

    I have to agree that it's better to be cautious. I'm not exactly sure what kind of atmosphere is at your workplace but all in all asking people out at work is considered rather unprofessional. If she's on a spectrum, she may also react badly to an invitation at workplace. She expects work, some necessary small talk and that's it. It's 'safe haven' where everything goes according to the routine. It may be a better idea to ask her after shift when you're outside the workplace...

    Of course, I'm talking only from my own point of view. She may see it differently, so take my words with a grain of salt.
     
  10. Sabrina

    Sabrina Gentle & brave earthling V.I.P Member

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    Try contacting her through FB messenger first, or Whatsapp, or anything in writing (privately). Writing takes away a big chunk of the anxiety, since you can think well, and edit all you want, until you feel confident.
     
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  11. bchamp

    bchamp Active Member

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    Thanks to medication, it's really not anxiety that's bothering me. It's really how to talk about certain things with her, due to her personality, and or a disability I think she may have. She does have a very, child like personality.. and I do know she doesn't understand social queues all that well. I know I'm not all that great at being blunt, but I'm tempted to ask her questions relating to relationships.. I feel like it could go well.

    We've talked back and forth earlier, we both managed to go on break at a similar time, and talked for a little bit last night through Facebook. We've talked through similar interests. I will say I really do believe she enjoys talking, and working with me.
     
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  12. bchamp

    bchamp Active Member

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    An update, I guess? I had a talk with her last night through FB again, was pretty relaxed. I did ask her a few personal questions about relationships and whatnot. Seems she's never been in a relationship whatsoever, we can kind of relate in that way. Except I think it's clear she might not have understood what I was really trying to talk about.

    I'm kind of frustrated about that, but that hasn't really dropped my interest all that much. I just know she has the mind of a child, but is a very sweet person. Functions great in a busy work place, and under a decent amount of stress. But it's just these feelings she may not understand??
     
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  13. Bolletje

    Bolletje Well-Known Member

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    Could just be she really doesn't pick up on hints. Or she did pick up on your hints, but wasn't sure she whether she interpreted it correctly. Or she did pick up on your hints, isn't interested, but didn't want to be rude about it. I'm afraid speculating isn't going to get you anywhere. I can't tell you how much time I've wasted dropping hints to people I liked, in the hopes that they were going to ask me what I was afraid of asking them. If you want to know if this girl is interested in being anything more than work friends, you'll need to take some action.

    I think you should invite her to do something outside of work (not necessarily as a date) just to see how well you two get along together when you're face to face and not working. If that goes well, if you get along and feel comfortable, you could ask her whether she'd like to go on a date sometime. If she does, I'm happy for you! And if she doesn't want to date you, accept defeat gracefully.
     
  14. Sabrina

    Sabrina Gentle & brave earthling V.I.P Member

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    Or she may want to become your friend first (that’s what I would do if I were her).
     
  15. Buzzerfly

    Buzzerfly Active Member

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    You could write her a short letter with a few random things she might be interested in knowing. Tell her that you think she's pretty and interests you. Sure, that's not "what you do". But it's genuine. If she likes the letter, ask her to take a walk with you sometime.
     
  16. Suiseiseki

    Suiseiseki Make America Great Again!

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    That rarely goes well, I have never met a couple who were friends first, nor would I bother if a woman said "friends first" because who knows if ever that moves on, and if it doesn't the friendship is doomed to fail.
    Last girl I tried to date seemed to want that, I told her how I felt she just refused to talk about it in any capacity so I deleted her number in the end and don't speak to her.
    Friendship gives people a way out, a way to be skittish and not face anything upfront.
     
  17. bchamp

    bchamp Active Member

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    Why is this thread featured?

    Well, I'd like to think of this as a different situation, right? I mean, she is not NT.
     
  18. Sabrina

    Sabrina Gentle & brave earthling V.I.P Member

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    I had an Aspie boyfriend (for 2 years and 9 months) when I was a teen, but we were friends first (for years). My still-oficially aspie husband (but soon to be ex) and I have been in a relationship for 18 years, and we were friends first, for months. I’m just saying what has worked for me.
     
  19. bchamp

    bchamp Active Member

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    How did you to come about... being in a relationship? I mean, this is my complication.

    She doesn't quite understand when I'm talking about this, but I know she's really happy to see me, and talk to me. That's all.
     
  20. Sabrina

    Sabrina Gentle & brave earthling V.I.P Member

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    I don't want you to get discouraged, but you asked. The first time, when I was a teen, my then best friend and I, used to belong to the same scout group, and we had friends in common. He asked me three times in the period of two years to be in a romantic relationship (between 14 and 16) but I wanted that for the future, not for that moment. At the third time, when I was 16, I said yes and we became boyfriend and girlfriend, until I was almost 19.

    With my husband, we met at a course (we were in our early twenties) and thank God back then emails already existed, because I don't think either of us would have been bold enough to give any step further conversing in real life. We did talk, but did not flirt, we were too self aware. At the beginning all the flirting was in writing, but afterwards, we built up confidence more and more, and we flirted in real life. The first time we went out on a date was approximately five months after we met. In those months we became friends.

    I did go out with other guys and I even had two other long time relationships with NTs. Now that I think about it, I only played hard to get with those two, the ones that were aspies (I didn't know that word back then, I just knew that their way of thinking and being, was similar to mine). They were the ones I was really, seriously, interested in. I just wanted to have everything right, before starting a romantic relationship. I didn't want to take chances starting something too fast (in the first case) in the second, I wanted to be sure that he felt the same way.