I lack quips and one-liners

[pelecanus87]

I don't know why I'm so damn obsessed with this seemingly minor topic, but's it's managed to become a real insecurity of mine.

I just can't figure out why I lack the "vocabulary" of quips and one-liners that most everyone else seems to possess. I wonder: What in particular causes me to have this issue? I'm not even remotely focused on appearing witty, I just want to be able to function normally in conversations/banter with co-workers and other forced acquaintances.

People will often make these friendly quips at me, and I'll either be silent or just make a stupid throwaway comment like "I know, right?" or "you're right about that". I just can't think of anything else to say and I must seem so terribly boring after a while. When other people are in this situation, they always have something to say in reply that passes as a "funny" or "witty" comment. To me, it almost appears as if the conversations are scripted.

I would like to improve in this area because A) It would make many social interactions less awkward B) It actually seems like an easy way to gradually assert your personality using trivial comments

 

[xudo]

I don't really understand 'banter' and I'm not very good at it as a general rule, but people who I am close to know this and accept me. I can be witty or come up with quick witted responses, but only usually with people I know well. I too tend to just respond to 'banter' type conversations in the way you describe, because it's a logical answer, rather than realising it was supposed to be a sort of jokey conversation. I can't say it really bothers me. I don't work though, so maybe this would be more of an issue if I was constantly around other people.

I wonder if maybe there's some sort of resource online for people to be able to learn this 'skill'? Maybe it's something for you to have a look into.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

My TAs at school really helped me with banter and sarcasm. As it frustrated me that I didn't understand it/ couldn't do it with my peers.

I still struggle now though and often think of what I should of said later on.

I am very greatful for the TAs and other staff who helped me learn about these things. Although i'm not sure why banter, sarcasms, quips etc are not included in speech thearpy.

 

[Crossbreed]

To me, it almost appears as if the conversations are scripted.

In my experience, so much of that originates from catch phrases and other quotes from popular media. That is why it often sounds like a script. People who get the references get the context in which they originally occurred. It is almost like a secret handshake.

My son and I often do that with cartoon and movie quotes. When I didn't have a TV, with movies that I haven't seen or much of contemporary music, those references go right over my head, too.

Also, my son and I engage in repartee. (That kind of humor appears harsh to some and is not recommended for those with low self-esteem.) An example would be "rubbing it in" when the other gets the question wrong on Jeopardy! (We both trade off on getting wrong answers, so neither of us takes such teasing seriously. If he did, I would stop immediately.)

 

[Gracey]

I can understand some form of banter if it's a sort of black or dark humour. Really dry. I've found that this sort of humour crosses over into stating the obvious, honesty and a clever play on words.

I've heard it used amongst serving soldiers a lot and occasionally amongst others in intense situations, for example, some policemen and paramedics.

Other than that a lot of humour is lost on me. I'm not sure I could cope with taking on the learning of how to understand what type of humour is being directed at me and it's boundaries (before it becomes offensive) in order for me to throw something equally funny back at them.

I feel that would be a huge script to try to memorise.

 

[pelecanus87]

In my experience, so much of that originates from catch phrases and other quotes from popular media. That is why it often sounds like a script. People who get the references get the context in which they originally occurred. It is almost like a secret handshake.

My son and I often do that with cartoon and movie quotes. When I didn't have a TV, with movies that I haven't seen or much of contemporary music, those references go right over my head, too.

Also, my son and I engage in repartee. (That kind of humor appears harsh to some and is not recommended for those with low self-esteem.) An example would be "rubbing it in" when the other gets the question wrong on Jeopardy! (We both trade off on getting wrong answers, so neither of us takes such teasing seriously. If he did, I would stop immediately.)

I have always suspected this, and mentioned it in another thread. It's not that I doubt that many people can be creative/witty at times...it just seems uncanny how all these otherwise average or even dopey people could constantly have all these remarkably witty quips on the spot, unlike myself. I began to suspect there was a reason, and eventually realized a lot of it had to be copied off of something else (popular media...something I am relatively unexposed to). Of course, I knew that people borrowed off pop culture, but I never realized just how extensively these inspirations are inserted into everyday conversations. I'll admit, I resent some such people because I have developed a reputation among friends as being excellent/funny when it comes to (a certain kind of) wit/humor. But I can't just bust it out on the spot.

Furthermore, "repartee" (wasn't previously familiar with this term) was frequent in my cousins family but not at all frequent in mine. He has adopted it quite well into a playful humor of the sort you describe. I haven't at all. In fact, I mentioned in another thread how I'm not good at "poking fun" or being poked fun at. One aspect of this is: When people would try to poke fun at me, I would poke fun back, but often go way too far by accident. I think this may largely be because I was literally trying to think up purely original sarcastic/snide remarks on the spot, while others were just repeating what they had already heard work successfully.

 

[Gracey]

There is a school of thought that suggests humour is used to deflect from insecurities or used as a means of acceptance within a group.

 

[JDartistic]

I personally never "get" it and it bothered me for years, but then I realized that I had my own way of humor and have been told I can be quite hilarious. (I'm usually the person, though, that says something and everyone laughs...except me, b/c I don't even get when I'm being funny!)

Seriously, don't get yourself worked up over it. I think many people have problems with being witty "on the fly" - it's just not natural for some of us. I'll add, as an aside, that I hate sarcasm - something I never get and I think is really just a person being mean, but getting away with it b/c it's guised as sarcasm...

But I digress - at the end of the day, why not find your own way to be funny? If you think about it, the one-line quips are rather pedestrian - everyone does it, and why be like everyone else?

P.S. when it happens to me, I just chuckle, b/c that's what they really want, I think - confirmation that they are being clever. You don't need to understand it. Just go along with it, and maybe over time, you'll start to see the pattern and then "get" it one day yourself.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

I can be awkward in conversations because I've been a lone wolf for the majority of my life and I have very poor social skills as is. I either understand someone the wrong way, or it takes the other person several tries to explain something to me - and I start feeling like an idiot. I cannot stand it when some of these people do the re-explaining impatiently. For the record I might re-explain impatiently myself (I tend to confuse people a lot) but only when I'm in a bad mood. But I can't stand it when an NT does that to me.

When I don't have much to respond with I say stuff like "Oh yeah", "I see", "cool", "gotcha", etc. Whenever I myself start a conversation with someone, I might do it out of boredom. I might ramble about things and they end up being the ones who state all these brief hurried responses. I've learned after some experience that if someone responds with "hmmmm" or "ok", then they're probably not interested. Oftentimes when I start a conversation, it might lead in an awkward direction making me feel like I said something offensive. I start being all nervous and people notice that. I cannot stand being tactless. In other cases, people are often confused.

These things usually happen with people I don't have much in common with, and ones that don't have compatible personalities (very few do). Some conversations though might actually hit home run and I always feel good towards the end for not saying anything awkward. I'm moderately quiet at work (don't want to risk getting fired, can't afford that right now), but at home I'm actually very hyper. It seems like I "adapt" my conversations to certain groups of people. With my (few) friends, the conversations seem to flow more smoothly than with parents and coworkers.

All in all, with my really bad social skills it can be pretty hard for me to not turn a conversation in an awkward direction. The fear of saying something offensive does not make it any less difficult. I especially cringe when someone asks me the question "why" because I feel like they're criticizing me. I really do try to be nice and very respectful of the people I converse with; for what I am, I really do my best. As for being a jerk to someone on purpose? NOT EVEN WHEN PIGS FLY!

 

[Crossbreed]

"repartee" (wasn't previously familiar with this term)

One of my epithets (on other forums) is "Repartee Animal."

 

[Ambi]

I don't know why I'm so damn obsessed with this seemingly minor topic, but's it's managed to become a real insecurity of mine.

I just can't figure out why I lack the "vocabulary" of quips and one-liners that most everyone else seems to possess. I wonder: What in particular causes me to have this issue? I'm not even remotely focused on appearing witty, I just want to be able to function normally in conversations/banter with co-workers and other forced acquaintances.

People will often make these friendly quips at me, and I'll either be silent or just make a stupid throwaway comment like "I know, right?" or "you're right about that". I just can't think of anything else to say and I must seem so terribly boring after a while. When other people are in this situation, they always have something to say in reply that passes as a "funny" or "witty" comment. To me, it almost appears as if the conversations are scripted.

I would like to improve in this area because A) It would make many social interactions less awkward B) It actually seems like an easy way to gradually assert your personality using trivial comments

I can't do banter or quips or witticisms either. But I have an NT friend who is absolutely brilliant, but also can't do quips or witticisms, maybe she can do a little banter, but nothing super clever. So I think some people have this skill and others don't. Some can only manage to squeeze one in here and there. I've just accepted this about myself. Plus, I cannot tell jokes or funny stories. I don't have the timing, I don't tell the story well, etc. I need to just stop trying to tell funny stories, actually

 

[Crossbreed]

I was literally trying to think up purely original sarcastic/snide remarks on the spot,...

Sometimes with a playful "insult," self-deprecating humor is better than a straight comeback.

Like when a friend teases you about a dumb mistake that you said or did, a response like, "Hey! I resemble that remark!" (Groucho Marx) will get more laughs than a joke to the effect of "You goof up sometimes, too." (The latter might be true, but it's harder to make funny.)

 

[Suzanne]

Oh my goodness me ( I do say that alot on aspiecentral; wonder why lol)? It is torture when someone makes a quip at me and my mind is completely BLANK and only afterwards, does a quip come back. Oh wy did I not think of that at the time?

I do say, though, just once in a while, I do come out with something that gets roars of laughter, but all they do, is make me feel like I have been given something precious and it then is snatched from me.

I am married to a chap who is fantastic at one liners and always joking. So, the very few occasions I have matched him, is like gold dust to me lol

Unfortunately for me, I tend to degorge the joke, because quite frankly, they do not seem well thought out.

I think, though, with age, what does come along, is the ability to not be quite so devastated at failing all the time. I can now say: I really did not understand what you mean? And I do say, that the response has been favourable.

 

[Crossbreed]

"Hey! I resemble that remark!" (Groucho Marx)

Riddles & jokes were [two?] of my perseverations as I was growing up, but that can be dangerous when you can't read other people's sensibilities...

 

[Momo]

Huh, that's odd. I'm usually pretty good at quips and banter, I honestly don't know why... perhaps it's just me. But I usually find talking to people very easily, as though I were, not to sound like a sociopath here, toying with them. I usually know the exact right strings to pull to get the reaction I want, and humour is no different. Not to say I didn't used to have issues with even basic communication, heck, my parents thought I was deaf when I was younger, I just never spoke. Maybe I learned humour and so on along the way? I'm also pretty good at public speaking as well, in fact, I enjoy it, like putting on a show. I just pull up one of the scripts I've already prepared or create whole new ones on the go. I honestly don't know why I do this.

 

[Full Steam]

I can up to a point.

I've learned humour and I can always make people laugh very easily, but banter has to be linear and anticipated other wise I have no answer.

I don't think it's possible to get better, as I've spent decades studying humour, and have been around banter all my life.

 

[zeroninja]

Most facebook and other sites like Reddit memes are pretty good examples of this online. I used to suck at em too, til I realized it's like a joke that doesn't require an audience. You just simply think of something either witty or funny typically that is a commentary on a thing or topic that is or has recently been on people's minds. It still takes getting used to the "swing" of things or the witty back-and-forth banter that goes on so frequently these days, but really, there's very little to it. Mostly a slightly shared interest in something followed by a sort of reparte between the people involved. Most don't make theirs up either, they use places like Reddit and scavenge em.

 

[Sakura Blossom]

Might it help to practice the skill through texts or messages? That way the pressure is lower, and you have more time to think. I tend to be much "wittier" over text than I am in person, though with my friends and family I tend to enjoy teasing and ribbing in person as well. I think one of the key things is to find which buttons are okay to push for a specific person without actually offending them, i.e. things about themselves that are technically negative or could be perceived as negative but that they can laugh at too. Personalizing it to specific people also builds rapport, and my close friends and I tend to have many things that we'll tease each other about. For example, I have one friend who's a bit short, (but she's actually fine with it and jokes about it herself,) so sometimes I make light-hearted short jokes aimed at her to tease her a bit, (again, the key is that it has to be something that that specific person isn't bothered by, I have another friend who is actually very short, (like probably well below what is considered a normal adult height, though I'm not positive,) and I don't know how she feels about it, so I would never aim a short joke at her, because I know she might take it as hurtful.) I've also found that it's important to balance this kind of joke with humour at your own expense, at least for me, I usually make at least 2-3 times as many jokes that I'm the butt of as jokes that my friends are. Jokes at your own expense serve a number of purposes, they're guilt-free laughs for both parties, they help to cue your friend in to things about you that you're okay with joking about, and they show that your jokes at their expense aren't mean-spirited, and make you seem more likeable, and show that you're humble and don't think you're better than the person you're joking with.

 

[Thursday]

I find it funny when people do it, but I feel so lame when I do. That's contributed to my self-esteem issues growing up, until I figured I can compensate by recalling their quips and bringing it up sparingly. Or, making fun of myself usually works, like "well you know what they say about old people..." (I use that on 20-year-olds as I'm 32), etc. Its usually recieved positively, however I don't find it funny, deep inside. I just use it to somehow tell people I'm okay with them when I genuinely am. Otherwise, humor be damned.

Edit: Reread the original post and I think it may be because of the lack of common ground and the awareness of it. Perhaps others don't notice it when they lack that connection so they're able to quote their favorite books, movies without even considering if the person they're talking to is into such topics, but maybe it's different for you. You wish to be considerate because when the reaction isn't favorable it may feel like a rejection.

It's a possible cause, at least.

 

[Heart of Stone]

I don't know why I'm so damn obsessed with this seemingly minor topic, but's it's managed to become a real insecurity of mine.

I just can't figure out why I lack the "vocabulary" of quips and one-liners that most everyone else seems to possess. I wonder: What in particular causes me to have this issue? I'm not even remotely focused on appearing witty, I just want to be able to function normally in conversations/banter with co-workers and other forced acquaintances.

People will often make these friendly quips at me, and I'll either be silent or just make a stupid throwaway comment like "I know, right?" or "you're right about that". I just can't think of anything else to say and I must seem so terribly boring after a while. When other people are in this situation, they always have something to say in reply that passes as a "funny" or "witty" comment. To me, it almost appears as if the conversations are scripted.

I would like to improve in this area because A) It would make many social interactions less awkward B) It actually seems like an easy way to gradually assert your personality using trivial comments

I know exactly how you feel; my friend is charming beyond all reason. I'm often envious of how witty he is, and the fact that he can befriend just about anyone astounds me. The social struggles are real, eh?