I hate being male

[buckyboy14]

I am a senior in high school. We just read a paper that showed real interviews that was pretty much people telling others that women should never have to ask people on a date; that it's the man's job. A lot of the women thought that if they weren't asked out by the man, then the man wasn't interested in them. We took a vote, and none of the girls said they wanted to be the one to ask others out. I hate this. I've never been on a date, and now I fear I never will. I don't know how to tell if somebody likes me. Why can't I be a woman and just be the one pursued by people? Why can't it just be obvious that somebody likes me? I don't want to have to be the one to figure all of this out. I'm feeling really depressed right now.

 

[Judge]

I don't know how to tell if somebody likes me.

You're asking the wrong question. You need to ask yourself what girls interest you enough to want to get to know THEM better. Few people wear their heart on their sleeve, easily showing what they are feeling. It doesn't happen. That's what dating is for, so both people get to know each other better.

Neurotypicals can baffle us, but it doesn't change this logic even for them. It applies to all of us.

Real chemistry between people isn't likely to occur on a superficial or magical basis. Both people have to extend themselves to one another for that to happen. And there are never any guarantees that anything will happen. Dating means taking chances...but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The good news is that no matter how shy you think you are, at some point in your life you will meet someone you're so attracted to that you will take all those risks to your self-esteem because you simply cannot help yourself. It WILL happen. Maybe not today or tomorrow...but sometime.

 

[tlc]

I wouldn't worry about it. That's just one paper.

As far as the whole traditional thing about a guy going up to a girl and asking her out, I see that as only working in a fantasy world or Hollywood. My biggest fear isn't so much the shyness, but if she is taken then there's a good chance her guy will come beat the crap out of me. Seen it happen at a table next to me (at an alcohol-free place), and also know many guys who openly say that's what they will do if someone talks to their girl.

You could always try dating sites, which at least get you out there and available to people who are actually looking, so there's half the battle. Then being able to sort by what both you and they are looking for, so that helps too. No guarantee you'll find anyone worthwhile but like hunting or fishing it's a numbers game and eventually you'll most likely get a date. On average for the years I've been available I've probably gotten 1 date per year. But if it wasn't for dating sites I'd have had maybe 1 or 2 ever.

Back when I was late teens or early 20s that's all I wanted so I know exactly how you feel, but now I'm older I've grown tired of the whole thing and am better off alone.

 

[Ereth]

As TLC said, that's just one paper. It is by no means an authority on who should ask out whom. It sounds to me like the survey only included people with conventional values. And it's likely that none of your classmates have really questioned those yet. I was never asked out on any dates in high school. By the time I was your age, there was no doubt in my mind that the expectation that women can't ask men out is ridiculous and outdated, so I resolved to be the one doing the asking in college. I had no success, but it wasn't for lack of trying.

So please don't say you hate being male for that reason. According to your logic, I could say the same thing about being female, but lack of dating success in high school is no reason to hate oneself.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I've asked out pretty much all of my dates, or it was a blind date, or we were friends to begin with and just went out. My sister-in-law asked out my brother through a note (which I have used several times myself) and now they are married. I'd rather be asked out by a note or email and not face to face. I don't like to be put on the spot for an answer at that moment and that's why I go the note or email way.

ONE THING I HATE: Anyone who is married - PLEASE WEAR A WEDDING RING! There are ones at work who say they don't wear their wedding rings because they don't like wearing jewelry, but they are the biggest flirts. Wear it around your neck on a chain then. I'm tired of guessing if someone is taken or not!

 

[Ste11aeres]

It's quite unpleasant to have to wait to be asked out.
In my opinion, it doesn't matter who asks who. When I was a teenager, I thought it had to be the guy, but from what I've seen of adult life, it really doesn't matter.

Also, being pursued, doesn't mean you're getting pursued by the right person. Plenty of women have had some scary stalker guy after them, while being ignored by the sweet guy whom the girl really likes.

 

[Judge]

It's quite unpleasant to have to wait to be asked out.
In my opinion, it doesn't matter who asks who. When I was a teenager, I thought it had to be the guy, but from what I've seen of adult life, it really doesn't matter.

I always have thought it to be terribly flattering to be asked out by a woman. Not that it happens a lot, but it's very nice when it does.

 

[Ereth]

Also, being pursued, doesn't mean you're getting pursued by the right person. Plenty of women have had some scary stalker guy after them, while being ignored by the sweet guy whom the girl really likes.

Let's not forget that men are victims of stalkers too.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Let's not forget that men are victims of stalkers too.

Men also get pursued in a nice way too.

However, (hoping this doesn't sound sexist) female stalkers are usually not as scary as some male stalkers.

Also I've read that female stalkers often stalk other women.

 

[nowwhat]

Even if a girl has a "rule" against asking a man out. some can make it so obvious, even to an aspie, that it becomes much easier to take that step. Since I have always missed womens' signals, these were pretty much the only sorts of girls I got dates with.

 

[Tarragon]

Maybe it is best to stop worrying so much and just ask some of them out? The worst they can do is say no, and if 5 say no but 1 says yes, then you've succeeded! Whay I'm trying to say, is that I don't see how women would be offended if you ask them out, even if they say no. They'd still be flattered and that's a good thing, You win either way. And, the more you do that, the easier it might become....

 

[paulb]

oy14, post: 112142, member: 1081"]I am a senior in high school. We just read a paper that showed real interviews that was pretty much people telling others that women should never have to ask people on a date; that it's the man's job. A lot of the women thought that if they weren't asked out by the man, then the man wasn't interested in them. We took a vote, and none of the girls said they wanted to be the one to ask others out. I hate this. I've never been on a date, and now I fear I never will. I don't know how to tell if somebody likes me. Why can't I be a woman and just be the one pursued by people? Why can't it just be obvious that somebody likes me? I don't want to have to be the one to figure all of this out. I'm feeling really depressed right now.[/QUOTE]



It's almost

I am a senior in high school. We just read a paper that showed real interviews that was pretty much people telling others that women should never have to ask people on a date; that it's the man's job. A lot of the women thought that if they weren't asked out by the man, then the man wasn't interested in them. We took a vote, and none of the girls said they wanted to be the one to ask others out. I hate this. I've never been on a date, and now I fear I never will. I don't know how to tell if somebody likes me. Why can't I be a woman and just be the one pursued by people? Why can't it just be obvious that somebody likes me? I don't want to have to be the one to figure all of this out. I'm feeling really depressed right now.

Your almost out of high school, just a few more months. With that bit of history thankfully gone your chances for success with the opposite sex really improves.
The gossip and meanest does taper off. People are now more concerned with their success and much less trying to bring others 'down', at least for awhile. Women will now more likely to be up front if they are interested in you. Go for it. Make eye contact and respond if you get the 'look'. That's how it starts. Accept rejections, there's going to lot the next 50 years. Have fun!

 

[Ereth]

Men also get pursued in a nice way too.

However, (hoping this doesn't sound sexist) female stalkers are usually not as scary as some male stalkers.

Also I've read that female stalkers often stalk other women.

It does sound sexist. I wouldn't say they're less scary---just less common than male stalkers. And yes, female-on-male stalking is comparatively rare, but make no mistake, it does happen.

 

[tlc]

I know some female on male stalkers. Not so physically vicious, but more like slander in public as she follows him and shows up at his events, or tracking his whereabouts then going behind his back to screw up his life.

Some women don't wear the ring either, because they get tipped better if they appear available. Then my ex who would leave her rings on the table and go downstate with her friends for a couple weeks. Then one I knew who was single but would wear a ring when she didn't feel like getting hit on. Sometimes hard telling what the ring really means anymore.

 

[Ste11aeres]

On a more light hearted note... What happens when we try to manipulate our voice to attract a mate? Her voice is hot, his is not -- ScienceDaily

 

[Ereth]

Some women don't wear the ring either, because they get tipped better if they appear available. Then my ex who would leave her rings on the table and go downstate with her friends for a couple weeks. Then one I knew who was single but would wear a ring when she didn't feel like getting hit on. Sometimes hard telling what the ring really means anymore.

I can understand not wearing it for tips, especially if one's job pays poorly. I'm not especially fond of the idea, but I suppose it's necessary in some instances. I can't judge since I've been fortunate enough not to be in such a situation. I can also understand the desire to avoid unwanted attention.

But if I ever get married I'm only ever going to take my ring off to clean it or myself. The tradition of wedding rings is thousands of years old, but I think I remember hearing that we wear them on the fourth finger of our left hand because the vein there leads straight to the heart. IIRC, the Romans popularized that symbolism. But don't quote me on it. I need to read up on this stuff.

 

[Turk]

I am a senior in high school. We just read a paper that showed real interviews that was pretty much people telling others that women should never have to ask people on a date; that it's the man's job. A lot of the women thought that if they weren't asked out by the man, then the man wasn't interested in them. We took a vote, and none of the girls said they wanted to be the one to ask others out. I hate this. I've never been on a date, and now I fear I never will. I don't know how to tell if somebody likes me. Why can't I be a woman and just be the one pursued by people? Why can't it just be obvious that somebody likes me? I don't want to have to be the one to figure all of this out. I'm feeling really depressed right now.

In this day and age, and in the true meaning of equal rights, it is neither a man's responsibility of a woman's responsibilty, to ask the other party out. This a dated value, where in early days, it was improper for a lady, to be so forward. Its the new millennium people.
Just saying

 

[Ereth]

Agreed. It's not about what is considered proper anymore, at least not in countries where women are free to do as they please. If I want to ask somebody out, I'm going to do it. (In any case, I won't have to do that anytime soon since I have a boyfriend. Our real first date happened after we got together. But everything started in an atypical way for us since we met online. )

 

[Ste11aeres]

Tell me about it. Back when I still had hair and gravity hadn't ravished my body, a young lady took interest in me. That was unique for me, so I reciprocated and gave her my phone number. That turned out to be a HUGE mistake, as the calls started to come. It got to the point where she'd call in the morning wanting to know what I was doing, then again at noon, and so on. If I did not answer when she thought I should, she'd want to know where I was at, with whom I was with, everything. It got to be rather scary. I had to change my phone number and avoided anyplace I thought she might be. Fortunately, I didn't disclose where I lived or else it might have ended up like a scene from "Fatal Attraction:"

Reminds me more of this video which came out on April 1st. Please watch at least most of the way through it.
Get The Guy In 9 Foolproof Steps

 

[Ste11aeres]

Also, being pursued, doesn't mean you're getting pursued by the right person. Plenty of women have had some scary stalker guy after them, while being ignored by the sweet guy whom the girl really likes.

I actually never meant it to sound like women are always stalked and men never are. I just meant that being "pursued" isn't always that great.