JohnDoeeoDnhoJ
New Member
9-10 months ago i told my very religious friend that i wasnt religious anymore and he seemed fine with it but then lashed out like 2 weeks later about how he'll be blamed and will go to hell because im agnostic. he also has autism so idk if this behaviour is related to that in some way (ik autism can cause some people to develop maturity slower than a neurotypical or other autistic people so maybe thats the issue). the problem here is that my parents are quite religious and theyre friends with his parents. if he told his parents about this, they might tell my parents and id get in trouble. we are both 17 btw but this happened when we were 16.
after that he apologised like 10 days later about it because he could tell me and my other friends werent really ok with him being around. i was glad about it at first at first but then the thought that he apologised because he felt outcasted more than because he actually felt sorry made me mad so i didnt accept it but i kept quiet when he was around. a month later i just stopped talking to him as much as possible, didnt hang around him, replied to his messages very dryly cus of the lack of trust. i even told him i became religious again just in case he didnt say that to my parents and then id be in a lot of trouble and also, i really dont want my parents to grieve about me not being religious. ik theyll take it badly and i cant let them live like that. also i have OCD too so i wonder if my OCD caused this paranoia or if this is normal.
he tried to be overly nice to me after he noticed and would try hard not to offend me. i had a talk with him today about all this and from what it seems, he does seem like he wants to be friends with me again, and it shows. he said he blames himself for what happened and thats why hes trying so hard to be my friend. i definitely appreciate the sentiment and do feel sorry for him cus it seems very stressful and I do think he regrets it but I just cannot trust him or risk him knowing any major secrets about me.
There have been small instances in the past and even now where he is dishonest or atleast seems like he is. like before i told him i wasnt religious, one of my friends asked him that if one of his friends wasnt religious what would he do? and he said something like he would try and advise them to come back and if that didnt help, hed just accept it. instead of accepting it, he lashed out and acted very selfishly. even recently he said something kinda sexist like 'women get offended about everything' in a straight up serious tone. me and my friend called him out on it and instead of accepting that it was sexist he just said that he was joking when it didnt seem like a joke.
he doesnt seem bad and i feel like he really wants to be friends but idk if he actually understands why what he did was bad. i dont feel like i can trust him with anything major again. i dont know if im willing to take the risk of him blurting my secret out to my parents the next time theres a problem. idk if its my OCD making me super paranoid or if my reactions and thought processes to how hes acted have been normal so let me know, am I wrong? Am I acting overly paranoid? In all honesty, I have no interest in trying to fix this friendship even though I do feel sympathy for him.
Like I said, I read somewhere that in some people with autism, their mental maturity develops slightly slower than that of other autistic people or neurotypicals. There was a term for this as well but I can't remember what its called, so if you know please let me know and if you know how/if that may have caused this situation to spiral out of control then Id like to hear your thoughts as well. From what I have seen, he seems more immature than other people around our age and I feel like thats whats ultimately caused this whole fight. Any advice is appreciated.
after that he apologised like 10 days later about it because he could tell me and my other friends werent really ok with him being around. i was glad about it at first at first but then the thought that he apologised because he felt outcasted more than because he actually felt sorry made me mad so i didnt accept it but i kept quiet when he was around. a month later i just stopped talking to him as much as possible, didnt hang around him, replied to his messages very dryly cus of the lack of trust. i even told him i became religious again just in case he didnt say that to my parents and then id be in a lot of trouble and also, i really dont want my parents to grieve about me not being religious. ik theyll take it badly and i cant let them live like that. also i have OCD too so i wonder if my OCD caused this paranoia or if this is normal.
he tried to be overly nice to me after he noticed and would try hard not to offend me. i had a talk with him today about all this and from what it seems, he does seem like he wants to be friends with me again, and it shows. he said he blames himself for what happened and thats why hes trying so hard to be my friend. i definitely appreciate the sentiment and do feel sorry for him cus it seems very stressful and I do think he regrets it but I just cannot trust him or risk him knowing any major secrets about me.
There have been small instances in the past and even now where he is dishonest or atleast seems like he is. like before i told him i wasnt religious, one of my friends asked him that if one of his friends wasnt religious what would he do? and he said something like he would try and advise them to come back and if that didnt help, hed just accept it. instead of accepting it, he lashed out and acted very selfishly. even recently he said something kinda sexist like 'women get offended about everything' in a straight up serious tone. me and my friend called him out on it and instead of accepting that it was sexist he just said that he was joking when it didnt seem like a joke.
he doesnt seem bad and i feel like he really wants to be friends but idk if he actually understands why what he did was bad. i dont feel like i can trust him with anything major again. i dont know if im willing to take the risk of him blurting my secret out to my parents the next time theres a problem. idk if its my OCD making me super paranoid or if my reactions and thought processes to how hes acted have been normal so let me know, am I wrong? Am I acting overly paranoid? In all honesty, I have no interest in trying to fix this friendship even though I do feel sympathy for him.
Like I said, I read somewhere that in some people with autism, their mental maturity develops slightly slower than that of other autistic people or neurotypicals. There was a term for this as well but I can't remember what its called, so if you know please let me know and if you know how/if that may have caused this situation to spiral out of control then Id like to hear your thoughts as well. From what I have seen, he seems more immature than other people around our age and I feel like thats whats ultimately caused this whole fight. Any advice is appreciated.