I got a question for the non verbals

[Bubbles17]

Hello

I am figuring out a lot about myself and my autistic side. One thing that I have recently figured out is my verbal side. In normal situations I'm verbal. But in some situations I don't wanna talk cause I find it difficult to do so (I can talk if I'm forced too). There are also situationd where I go mute. I can't talk in those situations. and when you force me to I'll have a meltdown.

But there are autistics who are non verbal. My question is: can you guys talk but just don't want to/find it difficult, or are you really unable to speak?

I know there's some with selective mutism and some with speech apraxia. But I'm especially curious to see if there's autistics who do have the ability to talk but choose not to.

I hope I'll get some answers. I really wanna learn

 

[Kalinychta]

I’m a lot like you. Sometimes I’m very talkative, but I usually speak very little. It isn’t out of shyness; speaking just feels like such an effort, very unnatural. And every few weeks I go completely silent for days.

I’ve always wondered that about nonverbal autistic people, too. I’ll be curious to read the replies.

 

[Misery]

Aye, I’m suddenly curious about this too.

Now in my case, I’m not non-verbal and can talk your ear off if I get going (this should surprise nobody here) but I’ll have my moments where I’ll just be silent and get irritable if anyone tries to talk to me. Like, I don’t go entirely non-verbal in those situations, but it’s more like I hit a point where I simply can’t handle the social aspect anymore and I just don’t want to say anything.

 

[Bubbles17]

Ohh I love to see the interest here. See, there's nothing wrong with being non verbal at all. But it's just interesting to me to understand how non verbals experience their ability or inability to speak. And it's interesting to me to see if there's a lot of differences between non verbals and the reasons why they are non verbal. I have never seen the question before so I figured I should ask

 

[Flown]

Hello

I am figuring out a lot about myself and my autistic side. One thing that I have recently figured out is my verbal side. In normal situations I'm verbal. But in some situations I don't wanna talk cause I find it difficult to do so (I can talk if I'm forced too). There are also situationd where I go mute. I can't talk in those situations. and when you force me to I'll have a meltdown.

But there are autistics who are non verbal. My question is: can you guys talk but just don't want to/find it difficult, or are you really unable to speak?

I know there's some with selective mutism and some with speech apraxia. But I'm especially curious to see if there's autistics who do have the ability to talk but choose not to.

I hope I'll get some answers. I really wanna learn

I have situational mutism (prefer this term over "selective", which implies that I'm choosing this) which often surfaces in social situations but can also occur during shutdown (or when approaching shutdown). During full shutdown mode, I cannot even begin to form words to produce language. It is painful to even attempt to formulate a response. It typically takes several hours of isolating myself from stimuli/hiding under blankets for things to start to make sense again (I liken it to defragging a computer).

If I'm feeling a shutdown approach--and I notice that I'm struggling with speech--I may choose to not further engage in speech (in the hopes avoiding a full shutdown).

 

[FlowerFlo]

I am not sure if this is caused by my autism but i sometimes forget how to speak.

 

[Raggamuffin]

As others have said, it seems to be highly situational for me also.

There's something deeply comforting in saying nothing. Especially when the world around you won't shut up.

It's the same reason I use noise cancelling headphones at work. Not only do I find the incessant chatter to be distracting and disconcerting - but it never seems to be topics of any interest either.

Ed

 

[Bubbles17]

I have situational mutism (prefer this term over "selective", which implies that I'm choosing this) which often surfaces in social situations but can also occur during shutdown (or when approaching shutdown). During full shutdown mode, I cannot even begin to form words to produce language. It is painful to even attempt to formulate a response. It typically takes several hours of isolating myself from stimuli/hiding under blankets for things to start to make sense again (I liken it to defragging a computer).

If I'm feeling a shutdown approach--and I notice that I'm struggling with speech--I may choose to not further engage in speech (in the hopes avoiding a full shutdown).

Oh yeah situational mutism is much better. Should remember that one. I have it in similar situations. For me it indeed starts with the struggle of talking. Suddenly it just takes a lot of energy. And if the situation continues long enough I go mute. But it never really lasts long when I remove myself from the situation to recover. The only exception is when my ptsd is triggered. Usually that immediately triggers a shutdown and I go mute.

So in situations when I get overwhelmed, overstimulated, anxiety attacks, shutdowns, breakdowns or in social situations with a low social battery I do start to find it difficult to talk. And sometimes I go mute.

I have downloaded a talking app on my phone and am now privately practicing with it. I don't know yet how to make it public that I have this, cause unintentionally I've always been forced to talk and because of that I started masking it. I'm still scared to stop masking

Thanks for the responses. I think it does seem that simply not wanting to talk, even if you can, also belongs to autism. Honestly, people should be more respectful of that, regardless of any diagnosis. Cause I've had many people talk about that in highly pressured situations or emotional situations they find it difficult to talk and want to be left alone when everybody want to know what's going on and want to comfort. Again, regardless of any diagnosis or not. We just tend to experience it more I guess

 

[MyLifeAsAnAspie]

I don't have any direct experience with non-verbal autism. Although, I may have had selective mutism as a kid. From my personal study of ASD, I understand that most non-verbal autistic people have some speech without much ability to communicate. Such as not forming sentences or using mostly echolalia. The movie "The Reason I Jump" shows some examples of this in a seemingly real life setting.

 

[Richelle-H]

Hmmm?! In my early years, up into my mid 20's say. I was quite non-verbal with everyone, even more when in a group of new people. I was forced to improve a bit once I found employment, but I remember sitting mute in a quiet corner of a party for long periods, just observing. That went on into my late thirties.

Now I am quite verbal when there are others around, but still shut down and can't speak when I am in a highly emotional state.

Funny thing that I just remembered about my teenage years that offers some interesting side questions, at least in my mind. I was in the school choir for all 4 years of high school which led to me being in a few musical productions. I think my ability to become verbal in those situations was motivated out of a keen interest in musical theatre at a very early age.

Back then, I kept to myself and did not make lasting connections with anyone (short term, yes - but out of sight out of mind was the general mode even then). I am much the same now. I have always been way too cerebral for many to handle, my body is just an identity suit that I am borrowing while on this planet . That suit is nearly 76 yrs old and a bit frayed around the edges but still looking quite a number of years younger than it has any right to.

And that is enough from me. I do not want to get too verbal and blow my cover.

 

[Ken]

Thanks @Bubbles17. This is a great post that I am also interested in.

If I`m in a highly pressured situation, something in me can`t find the words or get them out right. It`s like I`m being choked in a way. That makes me more stressed and that makes it even more difficult. When I was a teenager, I would actually run away to get away from people when this happened. Because I didn`t want people to see me fall apart, it was embarrassing, and because when people tried to talk with me or asked what was wrong, it made it worse.

So for me it`s that I`m not able to get the words out if something is stressing me badly. It was more of a problem when I was younger, I have learned to deal with it over the years. It takes more now to stress me, so it`s less of a problem now than it used to be.

That's me exactly, except it hasn't gotten any better with age. When I am pressed to speak in a stressed situation, the words come out very slow with lots of space between. I feel over-run. Each word is an extreme effort to get out. If the other person(s) become impatient or angry at my speech difficulty, I usually lock up and can't say anything. I become paralyzed with anxiety.

I often wonder if that is how totally mute autistic's feel. I really feel for them is so.

 

[Suzette]

I am on the forum all the time typing away. But I don't actually speak a lot. Like others I am often struck mute in very stressful situations. But most of the time I just don't have a lot to say. I can go days and days without saying anything. Though, I can be chatty in the right situations of which there are few.

When I go mute though it's like a dream where you can't talk but I can't open my mouth to try either.

 

[SimonSays]

Situational mutism is a good way of describing it. It happens to me a lot.

When I was first living in the US, aside from the person I lived with, I couldn't say a word around the people I subsequently met, for months. It made them see me very differently. I felt like I was literally somebody else. I started to feel a bit fake in many ways as I knew I was 'me' inside. Eventually I was able to reveal more of myself, and once I did, I went the other way for a while...too much would come out! Again this changed the way I was seen and treated... I wasn't who they'd assumed me to be, and that wasn't easy to deal with either.

In my current situation I rarely speak, except when writing, as I use speech to text. I suppose this is still talking, just not to anyone directly. But in unexpected social-type situations, where I'm quiet and seem introverted, I accept it and don't try to mask my way through. I prefer silence in most situations anyway, even if I'm stunned into it, as so often happens, and can barely express myself.

 

[Mary Terry]

I would give anything if my nonspeaking 30 year old nephew could participate here. He has always used echolalia to express himself. When he was growing up, he spoke in the voice of and quoted Sesame Street characters' dialogue. I learned to listen carefully and often could figure out what he was trying to say even though it was Oscar or Cookie Monster's voice and words.

He has talked a little with great effort and strain when he critically needed or wanted to tell me something. I can see how hard it is for him to do that. He seems to have a disconnection about how to string words together to make sentences. He is highly intelligent, a math savant, has a wonderful sense of humor, but he can't talk. He cannot "volunteer" words and sentences.

How I wish he could come here, read what others say, and participate. I'm going to try again next time he spends the day with me. I'll log in under my name, hand my laptop to him, get him to read some of the threads and comments, and ask if he wants to try to respond. It would open up his world exponentially if he could do that.

 

[Suzette]

@Mary Terry , can your nephew use a picture board?
It sounds like his verbal processing has been miswired. It sounds, from your description, he uses the lines from characters, and their voices, as a sort of sound based "picture board".
I do hope he will participate in this discussion!

 

[Mary Terry]

@Mary Terry , can your nephew use a picture board?
It sounds like his verbal processing has been miswired. It sounds, from your description, he uses the lines from characters, and their voices, as a sort of sound based "picture board".
I do hope he will participate in this discussion!

I think you're right about miswiring and his using the characters' voices and words as a picture board. He understands what is going on in the tv episodes and what the characters are saying, and he has an uncanny ability to match up their emotions and words to what he is doing/feeling in real life. He has had various software speech and computer enhancements over the years, picture boards or whatever, but none appear to have taught him how to spontaneously and voluntarily speak for himself. And he does not seek out those things today in order to communicate.

One time when he was about 18 years old, I was working with him on various vocabulary words, one of the words was "communicate". He grabbed my arm, stared me in the eyes, almost hyperventilating, and I KNEW he wanted me to teach him to communicate. His reaction took my breath away but all I could do was tell him, yes, yes, yes, we will work on communication every day. It was his self-awareness of the issue that I had never understood before then.

Another time when he was working on algebra problems which he usually aces, he got very upset, near meltdown status, so I asked him what was wrong. He gritted his teeth and struggled to say "can't get it right". I could see how hard that was for him. So, I told him we had to back up a few steps and find out what he was doing wrong. Turned out to be confusion about positive and negative numbers. Once he got back on track, he was again happy and working away on algebra problems. But the point of this story is that he did tell me - in his own words - why he was so upset.

He is hilarious. One day not long ago I made fish tacos for lunch. He ate several of them and then announced "I am fed up!" I said, oh, no! What is wrong??? He laughed and said "no, no, no! I am full!" We both laughed about it. He corrected himself and I thought that was fantastic progress.

 

[Suzette]

@Mary Terry, it sounds like he communicates very well!

My cousin is developmentally disabled. She had brain damage at birth and at 56 is thought to have the cognative abilities of an 8 year old. But she is also largely non-verbal. But unlike your nephew she lacks sophistication in her communications. Still, I watch her get frustrated over her inability to express her thoughts and I wonder if there isn't far more going on in her head than the doctors give her credit for.

I wonder if every non-verbal child or adult had their own Anne Sullivan to teach them how to communicate if they wouldn't thrive.

 

[Streetwise]

Hello

I am figuring out a lot about myself and my autistic side. One thing that I have recently figured out is my verbal side. In normal situations I'm verbal. But in some situations I don't wanna talk cause I find it difficult to do so (I can talk if I'm forced too). There are also situationd where I go mute. I can't talk in those situations. and when you force me to I'll have a meltdown.

But there are autistics who are non verbal. My question is: can you guys talk but just don't want to/find it difficult, or are you really unable to speak?

I know there's some with selective mutism and some with speech apraxia. But I'm especially curious to see if there's autistics who do have the ability to talk but choose not to.

I hope I'll get some answers. I really wanna learn

I have the ability to talk but choose not to, but mines selective mutism and happens when im still in hypervigilance period not hyperventilating though.

Then i have periods of time in non selective mutism \non verbal state, not as long .
I was described by the people who diagnosed me ,as being so close to not being autistic ,that it was obviously hard to diagnose me, but I think that's purely because I'm female and have had no training, to show my autistic side very openly.

 

[Storm Hess]

Hello

I am figuring out a lot about myself and my autistic side. One thing that I have recently figured out is my verbal side. In normal situations I'm verbal. But in some situations I don't wanna talk cause I find it difficult to do so (I can talk if I'm forced too). There are also situationd where I go mute. I can't talk in those situations. and when you force me to I'll have a meltdown.

But there are autistics who are non verbal. My question is: can you guys talk but just don't want to/find it difficult, or are you really unable to speak?

I know there's some with selective mutism and some with speech apraxia. But I'm especially curious to see if there's autistics who do have the ability to talk but choose not to.

I hope I'll get some answers. I really wanna learn

I'm more quiet unless I feel the need to say something. Like you, I will not talk if I do not want to. When I feel that way, my brain is spinning out of control to where sometimes I can't. Anger normally follows if someone tries to pressure me to do so...more because I can't process the information quick enough that it feels very disorienting and I just want it to stop. There will be days that I will not say anything unless it is necessary. Sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone and want to recharge...then shutdown for a day or two.

 

[Bubbles17]

I love how everyone experiences it differently. It's exactly how I thought it would be. Everyone is non verbal or partially verbal for different reasons. Sometimes it's willingly, sometimes the inability. I love the differences in everyone. Autism being a spectrum is so interesting