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I get exactly on the threshold on AQ test,but noone thinks I have autism

S

scott fitzgerald

New Member
Hi all,
I am going around in circles so I wonder if any of you can help me. I've never enjoyed socialising but made myself do it because I wanted to improve. I used to walk home from school aged 14, repeating to myself how a joke worked over and over again to try to drill it into me. Over time I have got much better but I still never enjoy socializing in the same way I think others do. I hope to get through it with my friends intact. Sometimes I don't manage that and end up going home having upset someone or said something which I didn't predict was going to be such a bad thing to say. To me any idea is just some words and the worst it should be is... "hey Scott, you might want to think about why that last bit doesn't go down so well with a lot of people, doesn't really matter, but worth thinking about". Instead it seems now my friends have finally got tired of how I am usually too serious, usually too negative, often overthinking things, or dumping too much information down in a text message so that people are overwhelmed and don't reply at all to me. I upset nearly everyone on Facebook when ISIS were around by telling them that the people in this militant group get most of their ideas from Islam. For me it was verifiably true and I wanted to talk about why everyone doesn't need to be scared to say so. But it just got more and more awkward, now many of the friends I had just totally ostricized me. The ones I have left are getting more and more tired of me.
Is it possible that I have problems with autism and should try to get help or could it be that I'm just a rude person who creates their own problems and should face up to that.
Thanks all,
Scott, 46 years old
 
like many things autism is a spectrum, or from my perspective, a continuum I worked with colour most of my career where does red end and orange begin so do not get caught up in definition's or labels.
 
welcome to af.png
 
There is still quite a bit of uncertainty about the spectrum and what it is exactly and who fits in that categorization. Some don't think there is a grey area between autism and NT, that is partial ASD. I myself do and think many are in that in-between zone.

So to me you very well may be on the spectrum. But it's not an easy thing to determine, even for professionals, so I would give it time and continue to research it, if you think knowing would help you in some way.
 
Welcome @scott fitzgerald. My autism has expressed itself in my peseveration, some meltdowns when I couldn't reconcile reality with my mental map, and severely delayed social maturity. Now, though, socially, one would not think I'm autistic. My diagnosis was not easy at age 60, though it helped me understand things about myself.
 
Hello Scott and welcome. You sound as if you have some self-awareness about how you come across to others. It does not really matter if you are on the spectrum. What matters is if you are willing to put in the work to change how others perceive you.

You give a very clear assessment from your viewpoint. That awareness is a starting point. I am not suggesting you learn how to mask (i.e. building an interface between you and everyone else). However, learning how to hold yourself back in social situations can be of benefit. Also, if you can afford it, talking with a therapist might bring you some further insight, but seeking that is always a personal choice.

Your words make it seem as if you are a tad perplexed. Surely this did not come out of nowhere in your mid 40s. While I was not diagnosed until I was around your age, the symptoms had been with me from birth. I just learned how to navigate very quickly, as I became weary of being called weird or strange.

You have already accepted to some degree that you have some things in your personality that apparently irritate those you interact with on a regular basis (be it at work or in social situations). That awareness is a place to start. First, accept yourself for who you are before you try to change anything. It took me nearly 60 years to get to that point, but that was more or less attributable to some arrogance on my part..

Their is a great deal of useful information here, so pull up a chair and dig in. You just might find something that makes things fall into place for you.
 
Hi, @scott fitzgerald, and welcome! The online tests are rough triage tools only and not a formal diagnosis - if you want a real answer, you're going to have to see a counselor or specialist of some kind. Even then, diagnoses can vary based on how well that person actually understands autism. Whether you pursue that is up to you and what you need.

You may have scored marginally because you are good at masking. I think that the older we get, the more practiced we are at fitting in and masking - that may have had an effect on the test.

Lastly, regardless of the diagnosis, or lack thereof, you're welcome here. There are a lot of good people on this forum and a lot of good discussions. You don't need to be diagnosed to benefit and contribute.
 
Hi and welcome. Some people score on the threshold initially, but when they understand autism better they may notice behaviours they thought everyone had are less common. You may home in on your behaviours more fully. Also as @Nervous Rex notes, we develop strategies and coping behaviours that cover our issues.

Others saying they don't think you have it is not really relevant as they probably don't really understand what high functioning autism is or looks like. It does look in some ways like what you experience, I especially recognise that confusion, and I used to expect others to accept my straightforward remarks, but got in difficulties too often to continue to expect that.

I didn't ever get diagnosed, but I self diagnosed as some later in life do. So if you research here and elsewhere more, you may find more that is relevant for you. It's good that you are here, you seem to have a good grasp on how you are socially.

Possibly you can reign in the outspoken stuff, or too direct online assertions, in order to be less controversial. What you said is your opinion, but it's a very generalised thing to say. Like if I were to say, people in a militant group of any faith get their ideas from that faith, it sounds kind of vague and rather unfair to all those genuinely following their faith, to be lumped in with extremists. I don't feel people were wrong to challenge that type of generalisation.

I hope that you enjoy it here, and feel supported.

:surfer::swimmer::rowboat::runner::snowboarder::walking::rocket:
 
Welcome!

Something that you may find helpful in general if you're having social difficulties, and in particular with appropriate conversations, is whether you can arrange for an understanding family member, friend, colleague, social worker, or other contact to be available to provide a safe "second opinion" and potentially assist with evaluating situations.

In general though, discussing politics and religion can often be a quick way to lose friends and/or alienate people and so unless you know the other party is of the same view, or is genuinely open to discussion, it's best not to delve into those topics, especially if you're framing things in broad terms that can easily lead to misunderstanding. On the flip side, food is a nearly universal safe discussion topic.
 
Thanks for all your replies, there's some great ideas for me and a few simple things I hadn't thought of. When it comes to controversial stuff, I just have to know what is true. Then I say it. After that some people complain that I shouldn't have said it. So maybe it could be better to resist harder the urge to say it on the assumption that these people will not be able to bear hearing it. I just don't like to assume fragility on behalf of a room of people. But if the results keep coming back that as Jack Nicholson said "you can't handle the truth" then it is a practical solution to assume this of them and don't shove it in their faces for that rather condescending reason.

But thanks all, I think this is s very nice place I stumbled upon.
 
Hi Scott and echo what others are saying ie welcome abord.

Personally speaking, I found getting a formal diagnosis has helped enormously for me and it certainly does appear from what you say, that you are on the spectrum.

I have gotten much better with choosing whom I have a controversial conversation with and the example you gave, now that would get a lot of people's backs up, even though there could be truth in what is being said.

Goodness me, the wearing of masks and vaccinations are now controversial! Basically, anything today can end up too dangerous to talk about.

I have strong opinions on certain subjects, but have learned who I can chat too now and I find remaining silent is the wisest course.
 
Welcome! :)

I cant add much to what other people already said. Im also in the grey area.
 
Suzanne said:
Hi Scott and echo what others are saying ie welcome abord.

Personally speaking, I found getting a formal diagnosis has helped enormously for me and it certainly does appear from what you say, that you are on the spectrum.

I have gotten much better with choosing whom I have a controversial conversation with and the example you gave, now that would get a lot of people's backs up, even though there could be truth in what is being said.

Goodness me, the wearing of masks and vaccinations are now controversial! Basically, anything today can end up too dangerous to talk about.

I have strong opinions on certain subjects, but have learned who I can chat too now and I find remaining silent is the wisest course.
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In 67 years of life I've never had a serious discussion about autism, with any body. most people talk about more menial issues. sports, relationship issues.
 
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