Sensitive Topic I Feel Like I'm Getting Closer To "Ending It" And I Don't Know Who To Talk To

[NicoleAscot]

I'm good with computers and I just made a 3+ hour loop of the 1-800 song by Logic.
But it's only the first 1/2 of the song. (YouTube it and you'll see how sad the first 1/2 is.)

I put the song on my phone and I'm listening to it on loop through my headphones.

I feel like, if I weren't at my ropes end, just sick of it all, why would I have DONE that??!?!!

I have ZERO friends. I have ZERO family. I have no one! I went to a domestic violence shelter yesterday and spent 2 hours talking to a crisis counselor because I couldn't even talk from crying so hard.

I tried to talk to my girlfriend and the moment I said I didn't want to be here, she got irritated and said, "well I'm sorry your live is so horrible even with me". Her sarcasm isn't helpful.

 

[Momo]

I have been suicidal at many points in my life, my reason for not 'ending it' is a bit unorthodox though, my shadow told me not to. Something that probably won't help you unless you like to talk to your shadow . But talking to someone, anyone who will take your problems seriously and not try to tell you how it's all going to be okay will help. Because it's not ok, and you're going to need to work and get some help to improve it.

 

[NicoleAscot]

I have been suicidal at many points in my life, my reason for not 'ending it' is a bit unorthodox though, my shadow told me not to. Something that probably won't help you unless you like to talk to your shadow . But talking to someone, anyone who will take your problems seriously and not try to tell you how it's all going to be okay will help. Because it's not ok, and you're going to need to work and get some help to improve it.

I talked to a counselor and they were like, let's find a plan to get you into the psychiatric unit at the hospital. Today. Right now.
I tried to explain that I have to work and if I don't, I lose my job, then I lose my home, then I lose my car, then I lose everything I have, and it drastically make this entire problem, so much worse, because then I'm homeless, because I have no one to help me.

 

[Nitro]

Please seek professional help.

 

[Nitro]

1-800-273-8255

 

[Streetwise]

yep

I talked to a counselor and they were like, let's find a plan to get you into the psychiatric unit at the hospital. Today. Right now.
I tried to explain that I have to work and if I don't, I lose my job, then I lose my home, then I lose my car, then I lose everything I have, and it drastically make this entire problem, so much worse, because then I'm homeless, because I have no one to help me.

thats drs
me mam was pregnant but she was weak and doctor came to the house said you shouldnt be climbing up ladders decorating she said theres nobody else our( family are very dysfunctional

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I feel like a broken record on this forum but look for a peer support group. It'll give you the opportunities to make new friends and allow you to talk about difficulties you have. I've been part of two so far and they've both been a great experience for me. The best ones are the informal ones. Look about for charities in your area and contact them to find support groups. They really do help and you can meet some really wonderful people this way who can be the only ones who really understand.

Give it a go.

 

[NicoleAscot]

Please seek professional help.

Medication and therapy hasn't helped. It's been years and this is getting worse.

 

[Streetwise]

are y

I'm good with computers and I just made a 3+ hour loop of the 1-800 song by Logic.
But it's only the first 1/2 of the song. (YouTube it and you'll see how sad the first 1/2 is.)

I put the song on my phone and I'm listening to it on loop through my headphones.

I feel like, if I weren't at my ropes end, just sick of it all, why would I have DONE that??!?!!

I have ZERO friends. I have ZERO family. I have no one! I went to a domestic violence shelter yesterday and spent 2 hours talking to a crisis counselor because I couldn't even talk from crying so hard.

I tried to talk to my girlfriend and the moment I said I didn't want to be here, she got irritated and said, "well I'm sorry your live is so horrible even with me". Her sarcasm isn't helpful.


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are there still volunteer helplines as the volunteers would be more realistic -are you passed listening to the song yet? a song like that was banned in the UK for the reason that it was bad for people

 

[ksheehan88]

are y
are there still volunteer helplines as the volunteers would be more realistic -are you passed listening to the song yet? a song like that was banned in the UK for the reason that it was bad for people

Which song was that?

 

[Streetwise]

Which song was that?

it was called on qi the suicide song i think by a Hungarian manit wad said if people heard they immediately jumped off a bridge
one man jumped off a building and landed on his wife killing her instantly .
i think theres gloomy Sunday or Monday by billie holliday
its liked a funeral dirge

 

[ksheehan88]

it was called on qi the suicide song i think by a Hungarian manit wad said if people heard they immediately jumped off a bridge
one man jumped off a building and landed on his wife killing her instantly .
i think theres gloomy Sunday or Monday by billie holliday
its liked a funeral dirge

Oh I see. I find it hard to believe a song could push a perfectly sane, healthy minded person to kill themselves though... I'm going to look into that.

 

[Streetwise]

now IVE looked into it the singer reszo seress think billie holliday did the English version of gloomy Sunday

Oh I see. I find it hard to believe a song could push a perfectly sane, healthy minded person to kill themselves though... I'm going to look into that.

 

[Nitro]

Lets try to steer this back on topic please.

 

[ksheehan88]

@NicoleAscot , you said its been like this for years... But you are still here is it a constant feeling of despair and "ending it", or does it come and go dependent on how much stress there is in your life at the time?

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Medication and therapy hasn't helped. It's been years and this is getting worse.

Perhaps you need an upgrade from therapist/councilor to psychotherapist/psychiatrist, some are better than others of course. As far as medication goes, there are about 15 or so different meds (each of which which 3-4 strengths) you can take for depression, I'd try more of them if I were you. Fluoexetine stops me from breaking down into tears every day, still depressed and anxiouse, but it definitely does something and I slowly worsen if I run out.

 

[Bender5]

Please don't harm yourself? You stated concern for losing your job, car and being homeless. If you have these concerns you have overcome so much CRAP and percerviered. Many of our sisters and brothers on the spectrum can only dream of the successes you have achieved. Please stand strong?

 

[Butterfly88]

Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. You should go to the hospital, your job should offer you medical leave.

Medication and therapy hasn't helped. It's been years and this is getting worse.

Maybe you just haven't found the right medication or type of therapy yet.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I'm good with computers and I just made a 3+ hour loop of the 1-800 song by Logic.
But it's only the first 1/2 of the song. (YouTube it and you'll see how sad the first 1/2 is.)

I put the song on my phone and I'm listening to it on loop through my headphones.

I feel like, if I weren't at my ropes end, just sick of it all, why would I have DONE that??!?!!

I have ZERO friends. I have ZERO family. I have no one! I went to a domestic violence shelter yesterday and spent 2 hours talking to a crisis counselor because I couldn't even talk from crying so hard.

I tried to talk to my girlfriend and the moment I said I didn't want to be here, she got irritated and said, "well I'm sorry your live is so horrible even with me". Her sarcasm isn't helpful.


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Hi Nicole.

If you cannot find anyone you like to talk to, or that could help in the way you desire, how about talking to yourself?

I just think if you had the strength to survive this long against adversity, then that shows your capabilities, and the knowledge and strength you have within.

Start seeing the good in things. If you have a girl friend that is trying to help that is a huge plus. If you have a forum willing to try to understand, support and/or help, that is invaluable too. You have a car, a job, a home you say. You say you do not want to give that up.

You can get help and still keep all that. You can help yourself too by focusing on the positive things in your life, instead of dwelling on the bad. As well, instead of seeing yourself as a helpless victim, see yourself as a survivor, who is strong, caring and wise. If others cannot help you to your liking, or as you feel things can or will get worse then, reach within and put forth those more positive efforts yourself.

Try daily self-praise, happy and relaxing visualizations, and dreaming of good things. Divert your mind from stressful, sad and negative thoughts to something else good. And find a way to see some positive in any person and situation.

Change your posture and expressions and attitude to reflect the desired mood. Do things you enjoy and are good at. Go to places and do things where you are uplifted, instead of hanging out and listening to those who feel helpless.

Talking about your dark feelings and other feelings is fine, but after doing so do not dwell on those. Dwell more on your efforts to change those darker feelings to something more light. Listen to more inspirational and positive people, and listen to music that is full of positive and calming energy.

Read books that can bring out your strength and wisdom and make you your best. Do not push persons away that are trying to understand, listen and help. And learn to prioritize things better, focus on targeting your efforts more constructively.

The point of this message is: One cannot always rely on others for their own happiness and success, so sometimes these people instead need to rely on what they know best, themselves. If one does not help themself, or want to help themself, then how can anyone want to or succeed at helping them?

Support only goes so far in this world. It does not get to the root of the pain, and attempt to help that. Once you determine the source of that pain, like a situational event, low self-esteem, pessimistic thinking, chemical imbalance, personality flaw, abuse, then focus on healing that or bettering that.

For those with problematic issues who do not want to change, that is their right. I hope then their venting and frustrations and situations helps them be happy in life.

 

[tree]

@NicoleAscot

I get the impression that you believe you deserve
to feel very badly over the reactions of other people
toward your girlfriend. Toward that end, you made
the loop to reinforce your bad feelings about yourself.

It seems that you believe that when things don't go
as well as you'd hope, you are obligated to focus on
those events and derive as much misery as possible
for yourself.

By arranging punishing events for yourself, are you
hoping to make it all ok again?

Or what?