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I feel like I always need to control everyone

cauliflower

New Member
Hi, I'm new to the forum and haven't been diagnosed yet, but I'm in the process of gathering all the necessary information to get started. However that's not the thing I want to address in this thread.

I've always felt like I need to control everyone and everything in the environment surrounding me, which sometimes pisses people off and makes me feel bad about myself afterwards. I don't know why am I doing it and how to stop this behavior, however as I'm extremely sensitive I find situations that I have 0 control in extremely unpleasant.

Unfortunately, this applies to people as well. For example: someone is talking to me but won't stop checking their phone. So I take their phone and put it out of their reach because it pisses me off. Then I feel bad for doing that. Or that I mostly have to be in charge of whatever is going on around me otherwise I feel like what's going on around me is way too chaotic and it starts making me anxious. Then people start pointing out that it's super rude of me and that the world isn't revolving around what I want etc.

I don't even know why am I doing this because I don't want others to feel bad. I want them to feel like we are all having a good time but I just never seem to notice I'm doing something wrong in the moment of the situation. It's always that my behavior is pointed out or when I'm thinking about the situation and comparing it to what I've already experienced.

I don't want to end up being a control freak and my behavior spiraling out of hand but I just don't know what to do :( If anyone has had a similar experience, please let me know what helped you!
Thankssss <3
 

Neonatal RRT

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Hi, I'm new to the forum and haven't been diagnosed yet, but I'm in the process of gathering all the necessary information to get started. However that's not the thing I want to address in this thread.
I've always felt like I need to control everyone and everything in the enviroment surrounding me, which sometimes pisses people off and makes me feel bad about myself afterwards. I don't know why am I doing it and how to stop this behavior, however as I'm extremely sensitive I find situations that I have 0 control in extremely unpleasant. Unfortunately, this applies to people as well. For example: someone is talking to me but won't stop checking their phone. So I take their phone and put it out of their reach because it pisses me off. Then I feel bad for doing that. Or that I mostly have to be in charge of whatever is going on around me otherwise I feel like what's going on around me is way too chaotic and it starts making me anxious. Then people start pointing out that it's super rude of me and that the world isn't revolving around what I want etc. I don't even know why am I doing this because I don't want others to feel bad. I want them to feel like we are all having a good time but I just never seem to notice I'm doing something wrong in the moment of the situation. It's always that my behavior is pointed out or when I'm thinking about the situation and comparing it to what I've already experienced.
I don't want to end up being a control freak and my behavior spiralling out of hand but I just don't know what to do :( If anyone has had a simialr experience, please lmk what helped you!
Thankssss <3
I worked with a friend and co-worker for decades that, in my opinion, clearly "suffered" from this condition. This is a symptom of anxiety. It's fear-based behaviors.

Yes, it pisses people off. At the very least it is difficult to deal with a person like this. It is suffocating. At the very worst, can lead to mental and physical abuse, even death. You literally drive people away from you.

The lack of trust. The complaining. The paranoia. Nothing is ever right. The black and white thinking. The poor attitude towards life, people, and the world. It can be paralyzing in the sense that the world does not revolve around you and if you are expecting others to simply comply without resistance, you're going to be highly disappointed and may not want to interact with your world. Then there may be physical symptoms like GI issues, poor physical motor control, weight gain or loss depending upon appetite and cortisol levels, hypertension, poor sleep, etc. None of this is good.

There are very few things you can control in life, but if there is something you can control is yourself. Do this first. Get some help. There are medications.
 

Misty Avich

I prefer not to be referred to as autistic
V.I.P Member
I used to be like this. It's not pleasant, for you or the people around you, even though you can't help it. It doesn't make you a bad person though.
 

The Pandector

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Maybe I have had the same thing. It’s not like me to grab someone’s phone or anything like that. However, as I gained experience in life, I just naturally gravitated to positions of authority. And yes, I tended to heed my own advice on how things ought to be done. Honestly, looking back, I think my desire for control was honest enough; I always liked my way better, but only because my way was a superior way.

I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Many people in authority set things up according to their own convenience, others with overmuch concern for feelings, to the detriment of the mission, others simply don’t realize they lack a vision for human systems. Plus, it seems the rumors are true that many people are just too lazy to think things through.

So, I don’t have a problem with people that like to control others, because the world could use a heavier dose of thoughtful leadership. But now, if it’s just because the person prefers to be in control, I always managed to spend minimal time under their thumb.

What to do? Don’t know. But for me, it was always important to know in my own mind why my way was superior. For instance, grabbing someone’s phone would be hard to justify as superior, but rather a personal outburst. Whenever I had a ‘better idea’, I forced myself to justify it in solid terms. If I couldn’t, then I knew I simply had to eat it.
 

lovely_darlingprettybaby

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Hi, I'm new to the forum and haven't been diagnosed yet, but I'm in the process of gathering all the necessary information to get started. However that's not the thing I want to address in this thread.

I've always felt like I need to control everyone and everything in the environment surrounding me, which sometimes pisses people off and makes me feel bad about myself afterwards. I don't know why am I doing it and how to stop this behavior, however as I'm extremely sensitive I find situations that I have 0 control in extremely unpleasant.

Unfortunately, this applies to people as well. For example: someone is talking to me but won't stop checking their phone. So I take their phone and put it out of their reach because it pisses me off. Then I feel bad for doing that. Or that I mostly have to be in charge of whatever is going on around me otherwise I feel like what's going on around me is way too chaotic and it starts making me anxious. Then people start pointing out that it's super rude of me and that the world isn't revolving around what I want etc.

I don't even know why am I doing this because I don't want others to feel bad. I want them to feel like we are all having a good time but I just never seem to notice I'm doing something wrong in the moment of the situation. It's always that my behavior is pointed out or when I'm thinking about the situation and comparing it to what I've already experienced.

I don't want to end up being a control freak and my behavior spiraling out of hand but I just don't know what to do :( If anyone has had a similar experience, please let me know what helped you!
Thankssss <3
I am the same.
I try to control something, if there is something to control i will try to control it which I will have felt very guilty about it.
So essentially I do not need anything to control but then I would have access anxiety.
And I struggle being out of control.
 

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