I fear I bring out the worst in people

[Gift2humanity]

I know some people can act like rat-bags to everyone and I can rule them out if they treat me bad, as they treat many others bad.

I liked to meet new people, last year I met what I thought was a nice man who played me for a fool. I think his behaviour can be put in the rat-bag category, though.

He does treat others nice though.
So, is that just me, classing him as a rat-bag, to rule him out, making excuses? so I can stop hurting from the way he treated me, and it's an ideal excuse as I tried to figure out why he treated me bad, he won't tell me.
What bothers me is that I find that nice mild mannered people can also lose respect for me and this is very disheartening.
I need some encouragement as I am starting to lose confidence in meeting new people, and obviously want to avoid loneliness through fear of being mis-treated, as many, not just the people with rat-bag characteristics, have mis treated me.
Even third parties, on more than one occasion, have commented that people do not treat me very nice.
Help appreciated as I am losing confidence, at my late time of life, 55 years.
I just want love, I don't mean the romantic love, although if a suitable respectful person came along, I would not rule it out, I mean love, as in respect and caring about me, as I feel many people, even nice ones, don't care.

 

[Wolfnox]

I'm not exactly sure what to say. I myself have some desire to have the things you are desiring. I have doubts about ever finding such a person. Or any love at all in this world.

My friend though says to have faith. Believe that you will. I can vouch for his words. And would say have faith you will find that someone.

 

[StrayCat]

Even third parties, on more than one occasion, have commented that people do not treat me very nice.

From my experience, that can happen if they see you as vulnerable. Humans tend to take advantage of vulnerable people. It's tough out there...

Do you have any vulnerabilities that you show freely? I like seeing humans as very advanced predators, and in order to get any kind of respect out of them, one cannot be seen as easy prey... I learned that as a kid...

 

[Wolfnox]

From my experience, that can happen if they see you as vulnerable. Humans tend to take advantage of vulnerable people. It's tough out there...

Do you have any vulnerabilities that you show freely? I like seeing humans as very advanced predators, and in order to get any kind of respect out of them, one cannot be seen as easy prey... I learned that as a kid...

Good to see you miss cat. I agree with your words. Had it happen to me.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I'm not exactly sure what to say. I myself have some desire to have the things you are desiring. I have doubts about ever finding such a person. Or any love at all in this world.

My friend though says to have faith. Believe that you will. I can vouch for his words. And would say have faith you will find that someone.

I am sorry you have doubts about finding a person to love.
I am just looking for people (friends) who treat me with respect, and not lose it when they get to know me, I do not include people who behave like rat-bags, as they do not respect many people, so I do not take it personally with them.

While I am not religious, I did regain and retain my faith in a Divine Creator, when I did ecstasy in 2001.
I had a different experience in that I started thinking of divinity when the pills took effect.

When I get down, I do not lose my faith, it can get clouded with negative feelings, or, worse, still, as I think "God" or whatever you call the Divine Creator is in everyone and I believe in Karma, due to the many errors I have made in my life, wasting my gifts and talents, impulsive bad decisions with feared massive bad consequences for others, m not just me, I feel that I have "pushed love away" in all of it's forms.

Stay with me here, I know this sounds mad, but sometimes I get telepathic exchanges from animals and trees.
For example, I talk to myself out loud when I go out, by talking into my phone, and I leaned up against and old tree, while talking, and it "said" I did not need to talk.
Another example is a cat told me to "tell the truth" when I asked it for an excuse to not go to a function I did not want to to to, telling the truth worked a treat.

I like the idea of "confiding in trees", and as they feel wise and old and knowing, I fear they will tell me something I need to hear, yet, at the same time, confirm my worst fears, regarding errors I have made with big things in my life, so am scared to do them.
Sorry for going off at a tangent.
I am also scared to read my tarot for the same reason.

I do not think "God" punishes us for our wrongdoings, or errors, I do not see Karma as a punishment, I see it as a kind of balancing out thing.

 

[Gift2humanity]

From my experience, that can happen if they see you as vulnerable. Humans tend to take advantage of vulnerable people. It's tough out there...

Do you have any vulnerabilities that you show freely? I like seeing humans as very advanced predators, and in order to get any kind of respect out of them, one cannot be seen as easy prey... I learned that as a kid...

Yes.
I am very metaphorical and see myself (negative I know) as a crustacean without it's exoskeleton.
While I am not suicidal for spiritual reasons, when low, I feel disheartened when I think of the people I will meet in the future, might the play me for a fool, mistreat me in other ways etc?

I think I am big-hearted, however, I know many big-hearted people who are not vulnerable.

I am beginning to refrain from over-sharing, and if depressed or crying, when asked if I am ok, I am beginning to say "I am feeling challenged today and hope to manage/overcome (insert positive verb here) it.

It is more painful when the gentle natured people mistreat me.

I have been easy prey since I was a kid, well, no more.
I do not want to go overboard and get a strop on with people un-necessarily, balance needs to be struck.
I fear I "missed-the-boat" and fear I will be doomed to be this way the rest of my life.
This is obviously unhealthy, so, somehow, it's my job to find a way, to give off a friendly yet "I-can-take-care-of-myself" energy and I am ashamed to say, that at 55 I don't know how.

A part of me says "It is too late, you should have learnt that as a kid/youth", I do not want to believe this part, as this part can get me really dejected, like me asking "What's the point" I can't commit suicide, so just stay in and play boring computer games for the rest of my life.
I don't eat properly when depressed, and although naturally quite a big but healthy sized lady, weight just drops off me.

 

[Wolfnox]

I am sorry you have doubts about finding a person to love.
I am just looking for people (friends) who treat me with respect, and not lose it when they get to know me, I do not include people who behave like rat-bags, as they do not respect many people, so I do not take it personally with them.

While I am not religious, I did regain and retain my faith in a Divine Creator, when I did ecstasy in 2001.
I had a different experience in that I started thinking of divinity when the pills took effect.

When I get down, I do not lose my faith, it can get clouded with negative feelings, or, worse, still, as I think "God" or whatever you call the Divine Creator is in everyone and I believe in Karma, due to the many errors I have made in my life, wasting my gifts and talents, impulsive bad decisions with feared massive bad consequences for others, m not just me, I feel that I have "pushed love away" in all of it's forms.

Stay with me here, I know this sounds mad, but sometimes I get telepathic exchanges from animals and trees.
For example, I talk to myself out loud when I go out, by talking into my phone, and I leaned up against and old tree, while talking, and it "said" I did not need to talk.
Another example is a cat told me to "tell the truth" when I asked it for an excuse to not go to a function I did not want to to to, telling the truth worked a treat.

I like the idea of "confiding in trees", and as they feel wise and old and knowing, I fear they will tell me something I need to hear, yet, at the same time, confirm my worst fears, regarding errors I have made with big things in my life, so am scared to do them.
Sorry for going off at a tangent.
I am also scared to read my tarot for the same reason.

I do not think "God" punishes us for our wrongdoings, or errors, I do not see Karma as a punishment, I see it as a kind of balancing out thing.

I do believe in God. I've made mistakes and he has forgiven me many times. There is no greater love or friendship then his. I won't mock you or say your crazy. But, I would wish for you to be one with him one day. To experience the peace and love he gives.

He does punish people. But, long before that he offers a chance at redemption many times before punishing them.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I do believe in God. I've made mistakes and he has forgiven me many times. There is no greater love or friendship then his. I won't mock you or say your crazy. But, I would wish for you to be one with him one day. To experience the peace and love he gives.

He does punish people. But, long before that he offers a chance at redemption many times before punishing them.

May I ask you a question, and I fully understand if you would rather not answer it.
You might want to pm me, or you may prefer not to answer at all, and that is ok:

Are you Christian?

I am not against Christianity, I was born and raised a Roman Catholic, yet now, I am not religious at all.

Having said that, I know there is a Divine Creator.
When I got my faith back, although, not a writer, a fantasy story flowed from my pen, without me forcing it, and the general idea was about faith, which has stuck with me today.

I do not see this Divine Creator as having a gender.
Without this Divine Creator, existence would not exist.
I see the Divine Creator as a force within us all, yet, paradoxically, an individual androgynous entity as well.

I do not feel convinced that going to confession absolves us from our sins, I believe that if, say, a baby dies, in a past life, that baby was a baby-killer.
Sorry if that sounds sick, I am trying to illustrate karma and reincarnation, and I believe the reason for karma and reincarnation is to evolve spiritually, so we, eventually, do not need to reincarnate, to learn lessons, we can merge with that force that some call "God".

I fear that "God" might tell me I had plenty of opportunities to learn and grow and I passed them up, to "fit in with mischievous kids I hero-worshipped" by "dumbing down my intelligence" so I would not stand out. By hiding my artistic talent and try to be good at sport, which is was not, I could name many more as an adult, but I might get depressed.

 

[Wolfnox]

May I ask you a question, and I fully understand if you would rather not answer it.
You might want to pm me, or you may prefer not to answer at all, and that is ok:

Are you Christian?

I am not against Christianity, I was born and raised a Roman Catholic, yet now, I am not religious at all.

Having said that, I know there is a Divine Creator.
When I got my faith back, although, not a writer, a fantasy story flowed from my pen, without me forcing it, and the general idea was about faith, which has stuck with me today.

I do not see this Divine Creator as having a gender.
Without this Divine Creator, existence would not exist.
I see the Divine Creator as a force within us all, yet, paradoxically, an individual androgynous entity as well.

I do not feel convinced that going to confession absolves us from our sins, I believe that if, say, a baby dies, in a past life, that baby was a baby-killer.
Sorry if that sounds sick, I am trying to illustrate karma and reincarnation, and I believe the reason for karma and reincarnation is to evolve spiritually, so we, eventually, do not need to reincarnate, to learn lessons, we can merge with that force that some call "God"

I'll pm you.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I'll pm you.

ok

 

[Luca]

People do treat me very badly a lot of the time which is sad because I treat most people quite well.
I think that vulnerable and genuinely empathetic people do sometimes get treated badly, because a lot of people are not empathetic.
That's not your fault. That's theirs. There are a lot of not-very-nice people in the world. You have to find the nice ones

 

[Fino]

Has it always been this way?

 

[StrayCat]

People do treat me very badly a lot of the time which is sad because I treat most people quite well.

It's mostly money and prestige that makes humans treat you well though...

 

[Luca]

It's mostly money and prestige that makes humans treat you well though...

Those are things that I will never have. Lol. But you're probably right, because all of my former friends were after that kind of lifestyle. I became obsolete because I was "less than" them.

I am kind to everyone. I don't see any good reason to be mean. I wish more people still had empathy but it seems to be disappearing from the general population.
I will always be convinced that the rise of social media is significantly to blame for this.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Has it always been this way?

Yea as far as I can remember.
I am truing now to be positive and look after myself.