I don't understand middle school

[HammyStack]

I don't under how to talk to people and the staff gives me the most bare bone information. I know how to introduce myself, I know how to do small talk, I know how to "just talk", but these people wants so much of me. What I am suppose to do? "Oh be yourself" "Oh actually you have to change yourself for people to like you". I can't grasp the understanding how everyone have friends but me how everyone likes each other expect for me. Why I am the expectation? I don't know what to do anymore. The phycologist say to join a forum about your interest or something.

 

[tree]

In what way are you involved in middle school?

As some kind of employee?
Or what?

 

[HammyStack]

I am a student in middle school.

 

[Rodafina]

I am a student in middle school.

Your profile says you are 23, so it is a bit confusing.

But middle school seems to be very confusing for most people.

You don’t have to change yourself to be liked, but middle school is often a time that people go through a lot of changes, and so being aware of the changes that you like and supporting those seems important to me.

In middle school, it is a good time to develop your interests, do things that build your self-esteem, and work on your communication skills. Like here, writing about your thoughts and feelings and seeing what other people think about them.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

@HammyStack, first of all, welcome.

You've come to the right place. We are all autistic "brothers and sisters" here. We've all got our different stories to tell and situations to describe, just like yours, but the underlying problems causing it is due to the autism condition. That said, as frustrating as this sounds, there are some things we just can't change. We are not neurotypical, we don't process information the same ways, so when someone says "Be yourself", it doesn't mean others are going to love and accept you, but rather, YOU have to love and accept you. Give yourself some grace. If you can, have a sense of humor about yourself. DO NOT let others tease, bully, and manipulate you. You're not "less than", but you are different. They call autism a "disorder" for the simple reason that it is not neurotypical, but truth be known, there is a LOT of "disordered" behavior that neurotypicals engage in. The troubles we have with neurotypicals is that, instinctually, deep down, they get uncomfortable, anxious, and fearful of people who are "different". Not their fault, it's just normal behavior. So, I would focus more upon being the best YOU, and not trying to be someone else. You are different. Embrace it. Adapt and overcome. If you work with the public at a job, you will often have to mask your autism as best you can, for the sake of your employer, maintaining your employment, and giving the customer a professional experience, but beyond that, when you are away from that situation, be yourself and relax.

Autism, from the Greek word "auto", meaning "self". It is quite fitting, because of our social and communication difficulties, we often end up by ourselves. Sure, we can be friendly, people can be friendly towards us, but we are sort of in this "glass box" that separates us and often prevents us from having closely-bonded friendships. Most of our favorite people in our lives are nothing more than friendly acquaintances, family, and co-workers. I know this often leads to frustration, anger, depression, and loneliness. All I can tell you is to focus your mental energies towards work, school, hobbies, special interests, travel, whatever. I am lucky enough to have a wife and 2 children, but I "walk alone", by myself, 90+% of the time.

 

[HammyStack]

oh yeah

Your profile says you are 23, so it is a bit confusing.

But middle school seems to be very confusing for most people.

You don’t have to change yourself to be liked, but middle school is often a time that people go through a lot of changes, and so being aware of the changes that you like and supporting those seems important to me.

In middle school, it is a good time to develop your interests, do things that build your self-esteem, and work on your communication skills. Like here, writing about your thoughts and feelings and seeing what other people think about them.

sorry, I was just went down into a random year. I will change it

 

[Judge]

The short version to such concerns, that ultimately involve a great more than just middle school:

* There will be a tiny few who will want to understand our autism and succeed in doing so.
* There will be a few more who want to understand, but fail in trying.
* Leaving a vast majority of neurotypicals who expect or demand that autistic persons conform to how neurotypicals think, communicate and socialize. Without considering how difficult if not impossible it is for virtually everyone on the spectrum of autism.

Leaving most of us with the choice to attempt to "mask" our autistic traits and behaviors. That while we cannot genuinely "blend in" with neurotypicals, that we try to minimize conflicts with them in as much as possible. In many but not all social circumstances, to deliberately pretend to communicate and relate to them. And yes, at times you will find the process physically and emotionally exhausting.

Otherwise, "to truly be yourself" often ends badly socially speaking. But yes, it's always your choice.

That "to get along, we go along". Which in many cases may be the best we can do to accommodate them, without getting hurt in some way. This is our reality as autistic people existing in a bewildering neurotypical world.

In middle school? Better for you to understand this now than later. Welcome to the Autism Forums.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome!

If you may be able to provide some more specifics, that may assist us in trying to share ideas and experiences that may be of interest to you.

I noticed that you mentioned "staff" - who are these staff - teachers, educational assistants, counsellors, custodians, administrators, or someone else perhaps? And are they staff who are working with you (e.g. your current teacher) or not (e.g. a teacher that you took a class with last year but not this year)?

Also, as for "these people wants so much of me" - can you elaborate on what you mean by that?


If your concern is that others don't seem to have time for you...

Friendliness is something else that we have to be careful not to misread. As a student, school staff would be expected to be courteous to you, in the same way that a server at a restaurant would be expected to provide courtesy in serving you.

But this friendliness would be within the confines of that professional relationship. Unless they said it's okay to do so, or if you have a quick question about something, approaching them during their non-working hours (including break times, and before and after school) might be something that they're not comfortable with, especially when there is a lot of unsolicited extracurricular contact. The provision of brief answers/responses would be a suggestion that they aren't wishing to engage at that point in time.

Speaking from experience, this can sometimes be a challenge for those of us who, as youth, found it easier to relate to and speak with adults than our peers. That's where the suggestion about joining special interest groups is helpful. It can assist you with building connections and developing communication skills in a way that may be more comfortable for you - as there's a topic that you can talk about, those whom you are speaking to are interested about the topic and being part of the group are likely receptive to discussions, and those that you're talking to are generally more understanding and supportive. Of course this community would be one such example, where many of are open to sharing experiences and ideas, in addition to mutual support and sometimes just casual discussion or games (mostly word based).

 

[HammyStack]

Welcome!



I noticed that you mentioned "staff" - who are these staff - teachers, educational assistants, counsellors, custodians, administrators, or someone else perhaps? And are they staff who are working with you (e.g. your current teacher) or not (e.g. a teacher that you took a class with last year but not this year)?

Also, as for "these people wants so much of me" - can you elaborate on what you mean by that?

Every staff basically.

What I meant by "these people wants so much of me" I literally have to be like them and have to be this happy camper every single day. If I have a meltdown people will think I am freak.