hello maria, nice to meet you =) it's a good thing that you bring up this question; it means you care very much about it and therefore you care for yourself, which is valueble trait. it is about you and your well-being so it is the right thing to venture forth seeking awnsers. [bravo!=)] i hope very much you find out soon. i wish you best of luck!
i very much know that feeling of not knowing, and the situation of waiting - deciding one day that one has AS and the next deciding that one has not. the more one thinks about it the less certain it becomes. it is very frustrating, i guess - since this is in many cases a question of identity. an identity which might be unclear and muddy; which one might be missing due to over-adapting to conditions one might not feel comfortable with - or one might even be suffering of axienty or depression treated for wrong causes and thus one is not improving.
however, i am quite sure that all human beings know this situation in one or another way. so you may be very nervous, not knowing what to think or what to be. but be assured that wether diagnosed AS or ASD or not that you are alright the way you are. =) be who you want to be, i'd say =) i never dared and i regret.
[[then, it may be an issue of greater importance if one has AS and doesn't know for certain. it is not easy to diagnose, i would say, even by a professional. it is maze. since i am very sure, that there are autistic personalities as well without actually beeing impaired in quite the same way, one might agree that there is no exact line - same as it is an autistic spectrum raging from severe to mild, plus comorbidities - there are other disorders that may develop on basis of AS traits and cover them up; yet there are other disorders that present similar impairments, and nobody knows anyway.
it used to be called schizoid [in fact, in germany most receive AS by pschiatric professionals and, at the same time, schizoid personality disorder by psychological professionals]; also, i have read AS were sometimes included in hystrionic personality disorder. anyway, therein among others were included actual AS and those who seemed to be such.[AS was not known then] some people, i've read somewhere, even have argued today to declare AS a personality disorder, and who knows: maybe it is. our brains grow the way our personality grows, to some extent - and there is nothing wrong with it; though if it need to be a 'disorder' i do not know - generally i prefer 'structure' for all kinds of disorders. still, if one is impaired but not acknowdledged it can be a dire matter.]]
i was firsted diagnosed ADHD, which was treated with ritalin/methylphenidat. yet, that didn't actually solve very much - so only afterwards it was explained that the hyperactive ADHD problems might result/be part of ASD, which i thouroughly surpressed at the time. i then made another appointment; though before that i read tons of scientific papers since i couldn't stand waiting months for the appointment to be due. therefore i may [possibly! i do not dare say i know anything] or may not be able to provide you with some [to be seen as non-professional] information on some of your points, which i gathered from my research. such would be on executive function, theory of mind/mentalizing and mindblindness, central coherence, sense of self and others, perception and perspective and others.
Hi! Sorry for the late reply, I was in school all day and very busy with studying for finals and all that. I have been very surprised with how many responses I have been getting it actually is making me a little anxious because I feel like I have to reply to every one or else I come off as rude. But I guess this is a good point where I can start off talking about some of my symptoms. The anxiousness being the first.
I have always been an anxious person. It was only when I started high school that I began to get very stressed out to the point where I basically had anxiety (which makes sense because my mom also has very bad anxiety that got worse during her teen years). But apart from school I have always been bad at social situations and communication. I have never made friends that easily which is surprising because sometimes I enjoy other people, especially new people. I find them fascinating and a lot of the times I do this thing where I like to "study" them. Everybody is so different and I like figuring out what makes these people different and unique. I guess, in a way, it has been what helped me get through social situations because I sometimes catch myself mimicking these characteristics that I see others find appealing in people. I have been told by my friends that I sort of "morph" into a slightly different version of them, if that makes sense. At this point, overall I come off as a very normal person. Even so, when I come across social situations with people I do not know I get very frustrated because I cannot keep a conversation going and sometimes I don't even want to. Especially right now because I don't like being in very large groups.
That brings me to another point. My parents often times drag me to these huge parties their friends throw and they love it, but I absolutely despise it. The amount of people is way too much for me to handle because of all the different sounds and conversations that are going on at the same time, and I can't keep track of it all. And it gets very very loud and I do not like that. Overall, it just makes me feel very overwhelmed and frustrated.
Along with this, even though I do really love spending time with my friends, sometimes even that get's a little too much. When this happens I like to be left alone to just do my own thing. To recuperate. Recently my mom has been coming home early because she had minor surgery where she previously stayed home for a whole two weeks, and now it has been almost three weeks that I have not gotten many moments alone. I feel bad because I love my mom and she just wants to spend time with me, but I really just want to be left alone for now.
Those are some of the biggest symptom like things I have noticed so far but here are a few other things that go on:
- I tend to always find something to be very "obsessed" over. These periods don't last very long though, usually between 1-6 months before I find something new to absorb myself in.
- I am not particular fascinated by numbers but for some reason I am
very good at memorizing birthdays.
- I have recently been good at memorizing a lot of thing actually, almost like a photographic memory.
Almost, but not really. It's really weird though because this a very recent thing that has been happening. My memory was usually just normal before. I don't know if this is relevant but I added it anyways.
- It is hard for me to pay attention in school. Always has been, hence the ADHD diagnosis. It just never interfered with school before high school because I everything before high school was very easy for me so I didn't need to pay attention.
- I have been having severe migraines with an aura for 3 years now (it started freshman year of high school). I get them anywhere between 1-4 times a month. We still do not yet know my exact triggers, but my doctor believes they may be triggered by an occasional sensitivity to light and/or sound. I read that aspies can sometimes be sensitive to light and/or sound.
- Sometimes I feel 'normal'. Other times I literally feel like an alien compared to every one else. People can just be too confusing sometimes lmao.
I now realize this is a very long post, and I am sorry for that. I tend to rant sometimes. Even though it seems like this all may be symptoms on the surface, the more I think about them the more invalid I feel as though they become, which is why I am confused as to what the heck is going on with me.
Thank You for your help in advance ^^
