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"I didn't change, you did."

Kit

Well-Known Member
I posted this at Wrongplanet but I think I didn't word it well so here goes again:


This happened when I was in high school when all of a sudden my family started getting mad at me for being anxious and having anxiety and whenever I would get upset and they started leaving more messes and it seemed like everyone in my house got more defiant so that gave me more stress and anxiety and they said I changed, not them. If I truly changed, it was because they changed first and that reflected me so that made me change too because of the stress and anxiety they were giving me and I always act worse when under lot of stress and that seems normal for those with an ASD.

My husband knows I have money anxiety so when we were expecting our first child, he decided to start spending money when I told him we needed to save for the baby and he wouldn't listen to me and I couldn't understand why was he doing this to me and going against my wishes about our finances and I asked him what was wrong with him and why did he change and he told me I changed.

Has this sort of thing happened to anyone? Where someone all of a sudden acts different towards you and they no longer seem supportive or understanding so when you point this out to them how they have changed, they said you're the one who has.
 
Perhaps I'm psychologically oversimplifying it all, but what you are describing to me sounds essentially like what Dr. Sigmund Freud referred to as "projection".

In essence that his anxieties over your pregnancy may have been much greater than your own. Clearly manifested in his less-than-responsible spending habits. ;) With his subsequent defense of his actions by blaming it all on you.

"Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others."

Projection
 
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My wife was very supportive & affectionate until the on-set of her depression (about 13 years ago). Her anti-depressant helps her to tolerate me, but still no affection.
 
On one hand, if you weren't anxious before the events of this post: Yes. I myself changed from "relatively carefree" to "terrified the world will explode tomorrow." But that was brought about by a traumatic experience (and a news article doubled with misplaced anxiety).

But I can safely say your husband and your family are complete and utter jerks.

Yes, all of a sudden my mom just started to get mean for no apparent reason. I didn't have to do anything to make her angry...just the fact I existed made her angry. I felt like I was walking on eggshells around her but she claims she felt that way around me. I tried to get my own apartment and move out but she wouldn't let me. I was 27 and she had no right to keep me against my will like that. My mom couldn't accept the fact I was an adult. I wanted to get my own apartment but she told me I needed to go to a group home and learn how to be independent first.

I found the name of the place my mom was planning to send me. I contacted them and my mom said I just blew my chances of getting to go there. I reached out to everyone I could. My family didn't believe me and I was just told, "Don't talk about our mother like that!" "You're lying!" "Mom's doing the best she can." My mom cut off the internet because she was afraid I was going to accidentally send someone over to kill her, my dad and her dogs.

When I just went to an internet cafe, she took my laptop from me, right out of my hands as I was using it. Saying I couldn't have it anymore since all I did was post lies about her. I was trying to get a job to afford my own place but my mom took away my phone so if anyone called me in for an interview, I would have no idea. She said she did get a few calls about interviews but never told me. I even looked around at local apartments but I had no idea how much I made because my mom refused to let me have access to my SSI (which I never wanted in the first place).

My mom always was good at putting on a show when other people were around, making people believe she was the sweetest and nicest person on the planet so no one believed me....unless they never met my mother. I couldn't take it anymore, ran away and spent five days in a homeless shelter. I think my mom has some Narcistic traits or some kind of personality disorder. She swears up and down that I have borderline personality disorder but when I tried to tell her it's very common for a woman who actually has Asperger's to get misdiagnosed with BPD, she said she has some articles saved about how its' very common for a person with Asperger's to have BPD, when I asked her to forward them to me she said she couldn't. She also told me my psychiatrist told her I have it and that people with it should never be told they have it. WTF? I asked my psychiatrist if he did diagnose me and he said no and looked through my files and said the only thing on there is autism and anxiety.

This reminds me of a story or two from Let's Not Meet. One was about a crippled creeper who turned EVERYBODY against the poster. That story made me lash out and hate a person who really didn't deserve it. No, wait; It wasn't the story's fault. It was mine for not controlling my emotions and knowing how to express them.

I really wish people like you had Moms like my mom. God knows I don't deserve her. Or anybody else in my family (Who isn't my brother).
 
I was always the black sheep of the family. But my mom once said that when I got to college I became very immature. She thought I was on track in terms of maturity aside from some "lapses", but she said I just became very immature when I had to start adulting, basically. But for me, that's when massive changes came on that I had to try to tackle and handle - up until then I at least had more consistency, routine, and less responsibility - a lot more controlled environment, too. Inside, I was still as anxious and depressed, but I just had more on my plate in college and onwards - also, other people's maturity really took off, and I definitely relate to the idea that Aspies mature more slowly, emotionally, at the least. So while my teenage friends "grew up", I stayed feeling like a teen.
 

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