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I can't talk to my wife about my Aspergers

goneepi

goneepi

Active Member
She just can't handle it. If I point out something another aspie author has written about their struggles, and say, "Hey I relate to this, I thought I was the only one!" she takes it to mean that I'm miserable about everything in our lives, which of course I'm not. The bottom line is I can't bring up anything about this anymore, no new discoveries, no reflections. I have no friends I talk to. I'm just totally alone in all of this.

I was just diagnosed this past summer and I'm 39.
 
goneepi said:
She just can't handle it. If I point out something another aspie author has written about their struggles, and say, "Hey I relate to this, I thought I was the only one!" she takes it to mean that I'm miserable about everything in our lives, which of course I'm not. The bottom line is I can't bring up anything about this anymore, no new discoveries, no reflections. I have no friends I talk to. I'm just totally alone in all of this.

I was just diagnosed this past summer and I'm 39.
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I'm sorry you're in that situation. I self-diagnosed at 38. My poor husband has to hear this kind of stuff from me all the time (the lightbulb moments), then I apologize after I feel I've been bringing it up too much - but he says he finds it interesting, or that it doesn't bother him.....I hope he's not just being polite, lol! But I imagine it would be very hard without that kind of support - it has helped me a lot. I think the support you find here on the forum will help you, too!
 
It is similar with my husband. He is a bit better these days, but he still tries to compare, which is very frustrating.

He also says: we all have work ons, so what is so special about you?!

But this morning, I had my tablet in one hand and my cup of coffee in the other hand and I still spilled coffee and he just said: well, if you have aspergers, you are never going to get it right!!!! I am dreadful at muti tasking.
 
goneepi said:
She just can't handle it. If I point out something another aspie author has written about their struggles, and say, "Hey I relate to this, I thought I was the only one!" she takes it to mean that I'm miserable about everything in our lives, which of course I'm not. The bottom line is I can't bring up anything about this anymore, no new discoveries, no reflections. I have no friends I talk to. I'm just totally alone in all of this.

I was just diagnosed this past summer and I'm 39.
Click to expand...

You've found a good place to share.
Another one for your list, have you been accused of just making excuses?'
:) quite a popular one.
 
That's a thing - it seems mostly positive to me, but she takes it all as catastrophe. I mean, the tales may be sad ones, stuff about how hard things have been, but KNOWING this stuff now is good. She is overwhelmed I guess by the idea that there is so much she didn't realize was struggle.

Ambi said:
I'm sorry you're in that situation. I self-diagnosed at 38. My poor husband has to hear this kind of stuff from me all the time (the lightbulb moments), then I apologize after I feel I've been bringing it up too much - but he says he finds it interesting, or that it doesn't bother him.....I hope he's not just being polite, lol! But I imagine it would be very hard without that kind of support - it has helped me a lot. I think the support you find here on the forum will help you, too!
Click to expand...
 
Hmm, I'm no fan of the "we all have work ons" thing, which I know is technically true, but still.

Suzanne said:
It is similar with my husband. He is a bit better these days, but he still tries to compare, which is very frustrating.

He also says: we all have work ons, so what is so special about you?!

But this morning, I had my tablet in one hand and my cup of coffee in the other hand and I still spilled coffee and he just said: well, if you have aspergers, you are never going to get it right!!!! I am dreadful at muti tasking.
Click to expand...
 
Welcome goneepi, tell my spouse all about it too, he was diagnosed two years ago. Discovered that I am autistic as well. He'll listen, but he's still in denial of the diagnosis.
 
Mia said:
He'll listen, but he's still in denial of the diagnosis.
Click to expand...

I suppose for some it's kind of an assault on one's ego. I know in my own case it wasn't simple process of concluding I was on the spectrum. I tried to seriously and logically "debunk myself".

But in the end, my own logic and ability to deduce my traits and behaviors won out. I got to a point where I couldn't deny any of it.

While I don't see myself ever "embracing" my neurodiversity, I accept it. As they say, "it is what it is". And I am who- and what I am.

And then equally that this can be an issue for spouses or parents or even in my own case a cousin who simply will not acknowledge her autistic relative. :eek:
 
NT here ...... She might need time to "digest" the new information of your diagnoses.....

I am in a relationship with a AS guy, he is very dear and special to me; but to hear his news about he being an Asperger's wasn't easier at first..... and still creates some confusion from time to time...

but yes...you have to work on it.....also your wife ..... we think in a very different way... we have to learn about each other ....that is the better way to go on.....

:)
 
I feel like she got a raw deal.
Persephone_ said:
NT here ...... She might need time to "digest" the new information of your diagnoses.....

I am in a relationship with a AS guy, he is very dear and special to me; but to hear his news about he being an Asperger's wasn't easier at first..... and still creates some confusion from time to time...

but yes...you have to work on it.....also your wife ..... we think in a very different way... we have to learn about each other ....that is the better way to go on.....

:)
Click to expand...
 
goneepi said:
She just can't handle it. If I point out something another aspie author has written about their struggles, and say, "Hey I relate to this, I thought I was the only one!" she takes it to mean that I'm miserable about everything in our lives, which of course I'm not. The bottom line is I can't bring up anything about this anymore, no new discoveries, no reflections. I have no friends I talk to. I'm just totally alone in all of this.

I was just diagnosed this past summer and I'm 39.
Click to expand...

All of this but I'm a little younger and the girl... I tried to talk to him about stuff and stuff explodes... I've been just being very, very quiet... Quiet contemplation... I've been putting much more of my time to studying for work too so I can make some money so I'm not stuck all the time and can have some more freedom...
 
Man this just doesn't get easier, does it.
Questella said:
All of this but I'm a little younger and the girl... I tried to talk to him about stuff and stuff explodes... I've been just being very, very quiet... Quiet contemplation... I've been putting much more of my time to studying for work too so I can make some money so I'm not stuck all the time and can have some more freedom...
Click to expand...
 
I'm 34 but found out I'm on the spectrum at 31,I'm very sorry your wife is like that, My husband has been accepting of it in fact he told me he knew I was on the spectrum years before anyone else mentioned or picked it up in me because he said he didn't want to upset me,but he doesn't mind when it's brought up he actually told me he looked up ways online to help me not stress out or meltdown too often,but your wife seems to not want to acknowledge that you are on the spectrum and that would make anyone feel even more isolated.
 
Adora said:
I'm 34 but found out I'm on the spectrum at 31,I'm very sorry your wife is like that, My husband has been accepting of it in fact he told me he knew I was on the spectrum years before anyone else mentioned or picked it up in me because he said he didn't want to upset me,but he doesn't mind when it's brought up he actually told me he looked up ways online to help me not stress out or meltdown too often,but your wife seems to not want to acknowledge that you are on the spectrum and that would make anyone feel even more isolated.
Click to expand...
Yeah that's hard for me to digest, but you're probably right. She doesn't want to accept it.
 
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