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I can't stand people more and more

Discussion in 'Help and Support' started by IntoTheVoid, Jun 29, 2020 at 2:20 AM.

  1. IntoTheVoid

    IntoTheVoid Active Member

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    As I understand, people are social animals who necessarily need other people around. And I envy people who seem to enjoy other people and it obviously restore their energy.

    I totally can't stand people and with my age, it gets worse.

    And this is not some sort of teenager-rebelous misanthropy so I want look edgy. It's just...uh...

    Do you know that feeling when you're totally upset because someone told you something bad? And you think about it all the time, it's stuck in your head and you want to scream? That's how I feel almost after every single conversation.

    For example yetesterday I wanted to go out for a walk. I was about to leave, when my mom suddenly appeared, started to explain me "It's too hot outside and I should wear some shorts instead of my pants..." The thing is - she tells me this every single time and I explained her many times that if she feels hot, it doesn't mean the everybody feels hot. It's so annoying.

    I spent my stroll totally upset how she threat me like a child all the time. Couldn't think about anything else. And originally I wanted to calm myself with the walk.

    Today at work, right at morning, my coworker totally upset me. He found some forgotten project from Friday, asked me to finish today asap. And the way how he said that indicated that he thinks I am lazy and don't do my work good enough.

    It's like every day, all the time, people suck all the energy out of me.

    I wonder if this can be fixed somehow aside of moving to the deserted island like Robinson.
     
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  2. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    I'd like an isolated place in the woods somewhere. :p
     
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  3. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes absolutely that used to happen a lot for me, really a lot. However it did help me a lot to understand that this effect was an aspect of my different brain's habits, to ruminate and stress over minor comments from others, so that my weekend could be ruined by a colleagues comments as I left work.

    I started to try to distract myself therefore, because logically I could see that the comments were not so important, and distracting myself worked well for me, gradually. Take a look at threads on here about ruminating in negative ways, there's some similar to what you are describing, and how different people cope with it. I hope this improves for you, it's hard to live at home as an adult, for sure.
     
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  4. Els

    Els Active Member

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    People are extremely annoying indeed, but I try to remember that I can appear annoying for them as well. They don't need to do everything as I wish they would, as much as I don't owe them that. That's a reciprocical and fair rule to me. That helps me to cope better when someone gets annoying.
    As long as my boundaries are respected, I'm okay. I usually don't cross other people's boundaries unless it's not intentional, but others do that intentionally. This I have to keep an eye on constantly.
     
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  5. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

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    My patience for people is wearing thinner and thinner. I'm at a point now where I'm sat in silence most of the day at work. Apart from answering the phone - where I remain polite, helpful and feigning enthusiasm and positivity.

    Lunch breaks are walks in the woods to get away from people. Once they stop temperature checking people at work I can go back to my old routine of going into work a couple of hours early and I can go for a long walk, and also get a bit of overtime done when the office is quiet and empty.

    Thing is - I think I'd begrudge having a job where I didn't work with anyone. At the same time, I have no passion for the jobs I've had. Which means I don't exactly start my work days in a good place. Which is why km grateful the woods is next to work and I can escape from all the nonsense; if only for a while.

    I hold onto certain things too. What people say, or events that have happened etc. Sometimes it'd holding onto anger or some kind of negative emotion. Other times it's just to analyse it enough until I move onto my next focus subject.

    Ed
     
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  6. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

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    I felt the same way my entire life until last year but none of the stuff people say bothers me at all anymore. Why? I learned what scientific studies have shown which is that no one can make another person upset. People get upset because of their own negative beliefs about themselves and others.

    Why does it bother you if someone treats you like a child or thinks you are lazy? It's either because you have a low self-esteem and they reminded you of it or you have a negative opinion of other people that makes you feel alone. If you improve your self-esteem, learn to see the world more positively, and find some friends so you're not alone, you won't get upset when other people say negative things to you.

    I created a post in my blog on this forum to explain what I did so I no longer get upset anymore:
    Sensitive to criticism? Here's how to overcome it
     
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  7. Rasputin

    Rasputin ASD / Aspie V.I.P Member

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    I also find people.im general to be annoying. However, I like and need my job. So for eight hours each workday I suck it up and deal with the frudtration. Unless you are wealthy and don't need to work, I suggest that you all learn to deal with frustration.
     
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  8. IntoTheVoid

    IntoTheVoid Active Member

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    @Thinx And how do you distract yourself?

    @Matthias Interesting blog, inded. I read couple of articles and very informative.

    I think I will read more.

    However I have doubts a little about, well... if words itself will help me. I mean... That's a strange thing to say as I posted here in forum, so what I expect aside of words?

    But people sometimes say things like "I used to have this problem, but then I told myself this and that and it helped" which I feel it's not enough and sometimes you blog uses these "Instead of that, tell youreself this!"

    Also I read many books about self-improvenent and thing is... Sometimes I start using the advice from books in everyday life, but for some reason I always forget after certain time and then I am back when I was :D
     
  9. Els

    Els Active Member

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    Well, I think you mostly have to discuss it with yourself and find an internal agreement that helps you deal with things. What I expressed helped me, but indeed, it might not help you because we think differently - hopefully :)
    So I think it's about finding an internal way to deal with it that fits you and helps you cope. But there's no one fit all, it's normal.
     
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  10. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I have this kind of problem on a regular basis, in fact most people do, but I find that it's my own negative emotion, over-thinking and anxiety that's exhausting, rather than the people. I spend far too much time dwelling on it, and the negative emotions can affect me a lot, whereas most people are able to move on from this sort of stuff fairly quickly.

    It's not always other people's fault, or other people who create the problem. Often, it's me who causes it; I'm not great socially and I make mistakes, and when that happens, I can't do much about it other than to try to repair whatever damage caused.
     
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  11. Vix

    Vix New Member

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    For the work stuff, when your co-worker says that you must complete a project ASAP because of his/her shortcoming with deadlines, it seems reasonable to be upset by this and difficult to 'suck up' (Rasputin) is he persistently treats you badly in the workplace. I feel the same way all the time and when I can, I try to 'fix' the problem by improving my situation. For example, talking to the co-worker about their planning and the way they talk to me, then manager, then wether others are the same with me - this means it is a bigger deal and I might have to leave or try to work on a difference project. I only found out about HFA recently, which explains a lot about the way I feel about work and others. However, wether I am HFA or not, I think anyone would struggle with some of the teams/managers I have worked with. I recently told my manager about HFA so that maybe he stops his behaviour and that of the team. I also asked to stick with a team that are better and that helps. The only thing telling my manager did was give me ammo in the future incase he flares up again! Have you declared to anyone? What do you think would happen? Are you HFA?
     
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  12. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

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    I understand why you'd question whether words can make a big difference. You're right that simply thinking more positively and changing a few beliefs usually won't make a big difference. What I learned last year made a huge difference in how I felt. Unfortunately, my blog posts don't explain things as well as I'd like. I'm currently working on a way to explain everything much better so it's more clear and easier to see what causes many problems and how to solve them.
     
  13. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Although I agree that people are annoying, in both of your interactions you were not bothered by the interaction itself but by the implicit message you perceived to be there. In your first example, you were annoyed that her questions implied she viewed you as a child. In your second example, you were annoyed that his questions implied you were lazy. Your solution, therefore, is to make less inferences.
     
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